Kittens, it has been a busy week. This weekend is the big-time bridge event – the Ruff-n-Sluff Non-Life Master Tournament. Yes, even though I’ve been playing bridge for 12 years, I am still a NON-life master. Awesome. In any event, as Chairman of the tournament, I’ve been running around gathering gift cards, finding partners, and ordering cookies all so that everyone can come together this weekend in a concentrated effort to beat me. That’s why they all come, right? Just to give me low boards!

I’ve been able to accomplish a lot this week, even though I was exhausted from camping, Moon had a friend over, and I did an impromptu screening of Sense and Sensibilities – LOVE that movie. Despite all of THAT, you’ll be glad to know I have my bidding britches laid out and ready to wear tomorrow.

Speaking of my great big bidding britches, I’ve reached a high point on the scale. Because, as my friend John said, “At least you keep TRYING to lose weight,” I’ve decided on ANOTHER diet. This time I’ve ordered a 30 day supply of pre-made meals. I haven’t gotten the box yet, but I’ll be sure and keep you posted on how much weight I lose.

Stay tuned to see how many points I win, and how many pounds I lose. If either one is over ONE, I’ll be surprised.

I didn’t mention it, but I played bridge on Friday with my good friend, Patty. I’ve been trying to play on a Friday at the Ruff-n-Sluff for YEARS, but have been thwarted by a little something I like to call, “parenting”. But now with Moon in Middle School, I can drop her off, play 24 boards and be in the pick-up line in plenty of time.

I had fun, but alas, we didn’t win. Patty stopped me as we were changing tables to ask if everything was alright.  She said she’d been worried, because I was SCOWLING, but I assured her that was just my thinking face. She said, “Well, you were scowling when you were winning TOO, so I figured it was fine.”

Note to self: Increase the botox budget.

So this week, I’ve been using ever spare moment to practice bridge online -not the actual PLAYING, but my bridge face. It’s taken hours, but I can finally hold my face still while I play, keeping it the exact same whether I’m winning or going down 4.

Patty is going to be so much happier.

If you’ve spent any time around me, read this blog on a semi-regular basis, or seen my Facebook status, you know I’m crazy about bridge. It was a BIG thrill for me this weekend to see Moon and J play in their first sanctioned game. The fact that they actually won points made the whole thing even more fabulous! Still, I’m amazed at the glazed looks I get when I tell parents that they should consider teacher THEIR child. I’m sure you already know that bridge improves test scores, builds the immune system, and promotes inter-generational socialization, but here are a few more reasons why I love bridge as a parent that you might not have thought of.

5. It’s Cheap!

Moon went to Bridge Camp last year, has taken several lessons at the local club, played three times at the Junior Nationals and spent ZERO dollars. The ACBL and Atlanta Junior Bridge do a great job supporting juniors and raising funds throughout the year, so the cost to parents is next to nothing. The only thing I’ve paid for is a $15.00 Junior ACBL membership – no league fees, uniforms or equipment! Even when you do pay, it’s not much. Moon could play at any of the local clubs for somewhere between $6 to $10.00 for 3 hours of bridge.

4. You can play bridge FOREVER and continue to improve as you age.

You can’t say the same for football, baseball, tennis, hockey, volleyball, skateboarding or gymnastics. You may be able to do all those things when you’re 80, but I bet your 18 year old self could kick your butt. In bridge, your glory days are always ahead of you. How awesome to fall in love with something and not have to stop when you graduate high-school!

3. It’s MindFULL entertainment.

My favorite thing about watching Moon and J play at the tournament was seeing them do something besides play Minecraft or watch TV. They used their brains, interacted face-to-face with other kids, and had fun! The tournament goodie bag included an autograph book and as each child came to the table, the girls asked where they were from, collected signatures, and even some emails! And despite Bridge’s “nerdy” reputation, the kids were all cute, normal and not one of them wore a pocket protector.

2. It’s a career path.

While I was showing the girls around the venue, a gentlemen mentioned how great it was to see kids playing, then he told us about a 16 year old who makes $3500 a week playing bridge! Clients have been known to pay $500 – $1500 to a pro for ONE session. Making it as a bridge professional is tough, but if you dedicate yourself, there is a chance that you could make a living playing cards. Let’s put it this way, the chance of a high-school football player making it in the NFL is 0.2%. Your chances are better with cards and there’s no need for the frequent CT scans.

1. In all of the years I counseled at the local pregnancy center, I never met a bridge player!

When’s the last time you checked in at the local skating rink? I was there one Friday night not long ago and I was shocked by the kids’ behavior. Yes, your daughter COULD sit on a boy’s lap at the bridge club, but I’m pretty sure the Director would put the kibash on that pretty quickly. And there would be no coming to the club and sneaking out to meet a boy. During the Nationals, one of the kids started complaining of a headache. The Director told him if he needed to quit he could, but there would be no leaving the room until his parent came to get him. I had no qualms about leaving Moon in the room to play while I went to my own bridge game.

Oh yeah, I guess that’s ANOTHER reason bridge for kids is so great – you can continue to play and not feel guilty for leaving the kids at home!

If you’re interested, check out www.schoolbridgeleague.org or www.atlantajuniorbridge.org for more!

So every day this week, Moon has gone to art camp until 12:30. Then she comes home and the real FUN begins. That’s right – we’re having BRIDGE CAMP. I intended to sign Moon and her BFF up for a camp downtown, but believe it or not, there wasn’t enough people interested. Must be a lot of people out of town this week.

Monday was the first day and both girls really gave it their full attention. Since then, they’ve spent the week learning about counting their points, bidding their suits, bidding strong hands, bidding weak hands, no trump, Stayman, Jacoby Transfers and signals, both attitude and suit preference. They. Are. Awesome. Well, as awesome as they can be with me as their teacher. They may not win at the Junior Nationals next month, but hopefully they’ve learned enough from me to not fall out of their chair or hit themselves in the head with the bidding box.

But I hope they win, cause the girls – they are competitive.

Jemi giving me the “I’m going to set you” stare.

Moon giving me the “We just set you” laugh.

To be fair, I had a handicap.

I wouldn’t have believed it possible, but I finally overdosed on bridge. I guess that’s what I get for sitting at a table for 60 hours with people that want to beat me. And those were just my partners! 60 hours of back pain, processed sugar, and thinking. It was very difficult – especially that last part. But obviously totally worth it cause I left the club with a little over THREE points! Also, lungs of smoke. Okay, that wasn’t from the club, but from a little pre-bridge tradition I like to call “Beers with Carolyn”.

We like to go across the street to a little dive where they serve beer, wings and heavy metal. Nothing says, “Two cool chicks” like two women sitting at a booth with cards practicing bidding.

Anyway, it’s over. And while I could tell you all about it, no one cares except my 3 friends who were there and already know what happened. I. Am. Beat. And I look it.

*Photo illustration, not actually the author.

Now I’m in recovery mode. I’ve got to get my house back in order, catch up on work, and figure out how to stop smelling smoke. Which I am REALLY hoping is from the night at the bar, and not from what Web MD calls a “stroke”. Although if you’d seen me double our opponents into a contract so that we were minus 980 points, you’d know why either is possible.

Tomorrow: I get SERIOUS about my life.