Whipped, Parisian Style

Kittens, I am tired. Mantamy and I are sitting in a lounge in Paris, waiting for our next flight, another 8+hour ride. I’m pretty sure I’m offensive at this point. I mean, more so than usual.

All this traveling is exhausting, but I’m getting through it by digging deep and finding the strength to go on. And by “digging deep”, I mean “eating the chocolate croissants they hand out here”.

Air France is nice. Our flight had movies and a great dinner. Not that I knew what I was eating. I kept thinking it was the best cornbread I’d ever tasted when I finally realized it was actually orange and cranberry cake. Excuse me, but Zollicoffer High only offered spanish!

Well,  my computer’s power level is low so I better sign off before I run out. And also the lounge just put out some tiny sandwiches that I need to try. Digging deep is fattening.

I’m Leaving Now. Seriously, I’m Going!

If all goes well, by the time you read this I’ll be on my way to India. Okay, I’ll probably just be on my way to the airport, but still, I’m heading that way. We’re going the Atlanta/NY/Paris/India route this time so the likelihood of us getting kicked off as some point is pretty high. Especially if we get one of those wacky flight attendants that starts screaming we’re gonna crash. Kittens, I will take her OUT.

I’m packed, I’ve given JD and Moon extensive instructions, all my work is done, and I’ve said my good-byes. Even Tania-the-Mad emailed me to say she LOVED ME. Yeah, she thinks I’m gonna die. Of course, I told her I loved her too. Fear runs in the family.

I’ll update when I can. Two years ago I had to walk a mile in the hot sun to get on the internet. Totally. Worth. It.

This picture must have been taken after I got back.

If you think about it, say a prayer for me and Mantamy.

Next stop, New York!

Bon Voyagie

Kittens, I’m leaving for INDIA on Tuesday. INDIA. Normally I’d be freaking out at the prospect of flying for two days and landing in a far away country half-way around the world from my family, but I’m way too exhausted. There’s been a lot to get done. Friday I ran a few errands:

1. Moon’s school

2. Staples

3. Walgreens

4. Work (2 hour meeting!)

5. Macy’s

6. Sports Authority

7. Goodwill

8. Publix

9. Moon’s school

10. Bank

11. Staples

12. Back to Staples

13. Walmart

14. Bojangles (19 minutes wait on chicken)

15. KFC

Yeah, it was like that. Saturday was not quite as bad. I cleaned house a little, then took Moon to her 2nd tennis match of the season. Kittens, this may come as a surprise to you, but I may be too competitive to watch my daughter play sports. Because the girls still don’t know the basic rules of the game, I sat in as a “monitor”, along with a mom from the opposing team. We weren’t allowed to make line calls, just help them to know the score, which side to serve from, etc. So when her daughter called a ball OUT that was so clearly IN, I had to sit quietly and say nothing. Well, nothing except to whisper, “Yeah, that ball was totally in.” Cause it WAS. Luckily we won the match so I didn’t have to throw a racket or bite off anyone’s ear.

Saturday evening we watched AmmoGuy’s baby while he went out and partied down with his wife, drinking and getting wild, and doing all kinds of debauchery related to an “anniversary”.  At least that’s what I posted on Facebook. Hey, if I’m going to be known as “Tardy Tyre”, they might as well get some bad press too.

I told you, I’m competitive. Speaking of which –

Not that I do it for the glory. OK, I do it for the glory.

Sunday we went to church, then out to lunch, then I came home and collapsed.

India is going to be a breeze. All I’m going to need is a bed.

Five Friday Facts

1. Despite her parent’s inability to get her to school on time, Moon Pie made all A’s and B’s on her report card yesterday.

2. Painting a small, purple flower on your big toe can look an awful lot like you’ve dropped a soup can on your foot and killed your nail.

3. (4 weeks of dieting + 4 days of P90X) x 2 days of eating whatever you want = 3 pounds gained.

4. Comparing yourself to others is never a winning strategy. Especially if you watch Dancing with the Stars.

5. I’m leaving for India in four days. INDIA.

What’s On T.V.

I used to spend the night with my grandmother, and while I loved HER, I didn’t love sleeping by myself. One of my favorite memories is of her laying in bed with me, telling me bedtime stories. Which is why, after you see what I’m watching, you can blame her.

I loved the fairytale classics like Snow White and Rumpelstiltskin and she knew them all.

She knew all of the Grimm Brother tales, too.

Well, that explains why I never wanted to sleep by myself.

Wanted: Driver. Must have own alarm clock.

Team Tyre received a letter last week addressed to The Parents of Moon Pie. Since it was from her school, I naturally assumed it was an apology for her 3rd place finish in the Science Fair. Surely they’d realized the error of their ways and were sending us a blue ribbon! If not that, then maybe a congratulations for doing so well in the PTSA Reflections competition, or, I know, maybe notification that we need to come to school for an award ceremony like last year when she won the Frey Award. Turns out, I was wrong. WAY wrong.

Seems MoonPie has been “tardy at least 10 times this year. Attendance is very important. Blah, Blah, Blah, and if a student is absent 15 times a SOCIAL WORKER WILL BE CALLED.”

Yeah, you read that right. I called the school today to read them the riot act. And by “read them the riot act”, I mean blame JD. I also wanted to know if they consider a TARDY to be the same as ABSENT, since I plan on taking Moon to Alaska for a couple of days in May. The nice woman in the office assured me that they were different and that Moon had only been absent a couple of days, so going out of town should be fine. Then she read our file and informed me that Moon had actually accumulated SIXTEEN tardies. And by the way, at 20, a SOCIAL WORKER WILL BE CALLED. Oh, and all of this is going in her PERMANENT RECORD.

Kittens, this is like Nazi Germany, amiright? Who calls a social worker cause a kid is late? And, in our defense, only a little late. The office acknowledged that most of the tardies were in the 1 to 5 minute range. And, I’d like to add, that we’ve been in school 8 months, so 16 tardies is only 2 per month. And with approximately 20 days of school each month, 2 is only 10%, which means we’re on time 90% of the time! Which in my book is worth an award, not censure, amiright? Of course I am!

Geez. Rest assured Kittens, we have learned our lesson. We won’t be late anymore. If we’re running behind, we’ll just skip the whole darn thing. We’ve got at least 13 absences left, no sense in wasting them.

Moon’s permanent record is going to make for interesting reading by the time she graduates.


Well, Kittens, apparently the powers-that-be at Moon’s school are too busy perpetuating the global warming myth to recognize important scientific information when they see it. Most people find that agave nectar is not nearly as sweet as sugar and the sweetest of all is Truvia!! Hello, that could change the way the world cooks!

Moon was very disappointed with her 3rd place finish. As a unbiased observer, I’d agree that she was totally cheated. That’s a pie chart made out of a LEMON. It doesn’t get any better than that, amiright?

After that disappointing loss, we gathered ourselves and headed to the tennis courts for Moon’s first ever match.

I’m proud to say she KILLED IT. And by “killed it”, I mean she and her partner were able to serve the ball over the net once or twice and the other team rarely did.

It was a verrrrry looooonng match. Do you know how long it takes to win 8 games when no one knows how to keep score? Or the basic rules of the game? Let’s just say all four girls were sunburned and bored WAY before that score board ever got to 8. Well, everyone except “Helen” who managed to win her match quickly. We all congratulated her on her win, cause we’re too sweet to hold a grudge.

Agave nectar sweet, but it still counts.

Party On, Einstein!

We had some friends over for dinner last weekend, and as usual, it turned into intellectual debates and conversations about important subjects..

“Strategic oil reserves hold THIS many millions of gallons of oil.”

“No, I think it’s THIS many.”

“That’s what I SAID.”

“On the other hand, a  donor advisement fund is a great way to decrease your tax liability.”

“I concur.”

“Say my arms are the Canis Majoris. It would take an airplane 1100 years to circle it once.”

“I once saw a beet THIS big!”

I imagine it’s the same at Marilyn Vos Savant’s house.


Wow, what a difference a week can make. Not only did my horse win by a nose in the GOP race, but my partner and I kicked tail at cards! It’s a good night of bridge when you don’t want anyone to get choke on a lozenge. Not that I’d ever want anyone to DIE, just maybe need the Heimlich maneuver and crack a rib and have to leave by a non-emergency ambulance.

Am I going to have to block my daughter from ever reading this site? Probably.

Let’s face it, winning feels awesome. Losing, not so much. Wow, that’s way better than that tired “Thrill of victory, agony of defeat” slogan.  You can’t explain it to people who aren’t competitive. Moon is going to find out on Saturday when she has her first tennis match! I’m hoping she wins , of course, but it is her very first match ever. It will be great just to see her on the court and see how she handles herself. “Helen” will be playing, and while I’d like to believe she’ll be tactful, I’m sure she will let Moon know what she did well and what she should have done differently.

I’m bringing the lozenges just in case.

Margin for Error

I went to a church type thing Monday night where we watched a DVD about living on the edge. Not the good kind of edge, but the “My life’s so crazy, if anything goes wrong I have no room for error” kind. At least I think that’s what it was about. I was too busy thinking about all the things I had to get done to pay attention. It’s how we roll.

Take this morning for instance. As I was packing Moon for school, I remembered that she has a Science Fair project due at some point in the near future. She’s decided to answer the age-old question, “What Sweeteners are Sweetest?” Our idea was to have three half-gallons of lemonade, sweetened with sugar, Truvia, and agave, and then do a blind taste test to see which one respondents preferred. Her teacher had said Moon could bring samples for the class on Monday, but we’d forgotten. Oh, well. She could do it some other time. Just let me check the date of the Science Fair. TOMORROW? Really? Great. Oh, well. We’d just send Moon to school, then we’d gather all of the materials and bring it to her a little later. What? Today’s the field trip and the class will be gone by 9:15?  And it’s now 7:30 a.m.? REALLY?

Yes, really. Which is why Moon and JD raced to WalMart and bought all of the supplies while I created and printed questionnaires. We managed to get it all together in time for Moon to take to school AND still get to go on the field trip.

After school, we made graphs, bullet points, pie charts, hypothesis – you know, science stuff. The display board was looking pretty good, and I was going to take a picture to show you, but then I looked at the rules online and found out they wanted the measurements in METRIC. Who uses that crap? So we had to tear it apart.

Luckily, I’d also neglected to read that it’s actually not due until Wednesday. See, we have plenty of time. You don’t need a margin for error when you’re as organized as I am. Watch and learn, people.