Because inquiring minds want to know. Or maybe they’d rather hear what I ate and how much weight I gained? That’s what I thought.

From the World of Television – Drop Dead Diva

I know I’m shallow, but I thought the series was cute. Mainly because the actress who plays Jane is so darn good. She really makes you believe there’s a size 2, Fashionista inside there somewhere. The only problem? Netflix only has the first season. Now what am I going to do all day?

For the children – Liberty’s Kids

You know how your child has a few days off from school and instead of going to Disney World or someplace cool, you give her the Netflix remote and because you don’t want to feel guilty about it you turn her on to some educational cartoon so you can call it “review”? This is similar.

Movie – Shades of Ray

Maybe the story of a half-white, half-Pakistani guy who may or may not be engaged doesn’t sound funny to you, but you’d be wrong.

Or maybe I have a strange sense of humor, whichever.

1. AmmoGuy came by today and picked up my husband. They were together for about 2 hours and he managed to get JD to spend $120.00 dollars. He is officially uninvited to future play dates.

2. I’ve mentioned that I read a fashion blog written by two gay guys. They were critiquing what an actor wore out on the street and wrote, “The jacket is  too tight and the t-shirt is too long.” I showed JD the picture of the guy and he said, “The jacket is  too tight and the t-shirt is too long.” If he starts calling people “kittens”, I’m going to get him his own blog.

3. My mother and my sister bought Girl Scout cookies from MP. Then they said they’d give me the money but to just keep the cookies. I hope they double their order next year.

4. I read today about a woman that is 103 and she’s never been married or had kids.  My friend, Manila Bay Land lived to be 102 and she never married. I’m just saying.

5. The boys on American Pickers use the term, “Junk Drunk”. Hello, my name is Lisa. I’m a junkoholic. It really IS hereditary.

Yesterday I mentioned reading with one of MP’s classmates. What I didn’t mention was that he was snorting, sniffling, coughing and hacking the entire time. I kept thinking to myself, “wash hands, wash hands, wash hands!” I didn’t do it, but I thought about it. So when I went to bed last night sneezing and and sniffling I figured I was due for a sick day. Not that I could take one, but I was DUE. I just had to finish a few jobs, do a late night meeting then come home and crash.

On the way home I called JD. Turns out Moon complained of a stomach ache, and just as he was taking her into the bathroom, she threw up. Awesome. She was barely vertical, when JD threw up TOO. He cleaned up the two of them, the bathroom, and the surrounding area then they both went to bed.

I know, I was shocked too. JD cleaned the BATHROOM.

So Mom, since it’s clean and all, I’d like to formally invite you to visit for the weekend. And on your way, could you stop by CVS?

I think I need a different blog, one under an assumed name so I can REALLY share how my week is going. For people who don’t know me and won’t judge me for stomping my foot and telling my husband that this is the worst day EVER cause he didn’t make me any lentils. My life is hard and I need to vent, obviously.

Blogging the truth will get you in trouble. Ask that teacher that’s been all over the news. The one who blogged about her students and got suspended. Man, if I were a teacher I could get some good material! Today I went to MP’s school and read with a couple of kids in her class. It really makes you wonder what goes on in 3rd grader’s brains. I’m listening to this sweet boy read the story of Peter Cottontail and he gets to a part that says, “he walked boldly toward,” and reads it “he walked to the bloody tower”. Uh, what? The Peter walked in front of his COFFIN, or cousin, whatever. Do young kids just read and think, “hmm. Bloody towers, bunnies, coffins – makes sense to me”?

Makes as much sense as anything else I guess. Like how JD’s computer could just DIE with no warning. We didn’t even know it was sick! Or how I could work all day and all night and STILL have more to do. Or how my dogs can leave so much hair on the floor and not be bald. Or how Demi Moore can look like this in a bikini at 48. Life is a mystery. But if you figure out that last one, let me know.

I had planned on doing nothing Friday, not even showering, but my mom gave me a gift certificate to the nail salon, so I thought “Why not?” Because Cousin Karen had also gifted MP with one, I took her along. I’m nice like that. MP went with the neon purple, while I got the traditional Valentine’s Day red.

I had also planned on staying home Friday night, but when I picked up MP from school, she BEGGED me to take her to the school dance. The school EIGHTIES dance. Since we had beautiful nails, I thought “Why not?”

MP couldn’t believe it when I told her what we used to wear. She’d never even HEARD of Flashdance. So sad.

Once there, she asked for a cool, shredded t-shirt and since you can never have too much EIGHTIES clothing, I said, “Why not?”

MP wanted me to dress up too and I thought, “Why not?” Then I put on my sequined blazer with shoulder pads and gave myself Farrah Fawcett hair. Oh, that’s WHY not. Turns out dance parties today are just like they were in the EIGHTIES. I looked like an idiot and no one asked me to dance. So sad.

But then I went home and put on my leg warmers and danced like a maniac.

Why not?