Parenting Advice

I was contacted recently by a group that wanted to know my advice for college students who just happen to also be parents. Obviously, these are complete strangers who’ve never seen my parenting skill on display, or have access to my GPA. Still, you don’t become a moderately successful blogger/writer/graphic designer/mom without knowing a little bit about how life works. Did I say moderately? Note to future bloggers – blogs are GREAT for exaggeration.

Where was I? Oh yeah, advice. Well, here’s what I’ve found to be true. You really can NOT do it all, so why even try? For instance, this week is busy with work – lots of print ads to create, AND I’ve got a short-story deadline due. I’ve got Christmas stuff to order, my daughter’s homework to check, cooking to do for a weekend trip, and I’m trying to expand my followers on Twitter. Which is why my house looks like crack addicts are camping in my living room. Something has to go, Kittens, and I vote for housework.

Also, learn to like being fat.

That doesn’t have anything to do with parenting, but you should those youthful hormones will only take you so far. Wear those skinny jeans while you can!

It takes a little more work as you get older.

The View from the Couch

I had a very exciting day today, and by “exciting”, I mean the opposite of that. I woke up, got Moon off to school, then shivered on the couch for an hour listening to it rain outside. I was trying to work up a good excuse for skipping my Monday morning prayer group. You know that saying, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”? That pretty much sums up my life. Luckily, the women I meet with came up with an excuse FIRST, so I was off the hook.

I spent the next two hours working on my laptop while watching Pride and Prejudice. Again. I may have seen it a few dozen times, but what can I say? Mr. Darcy has bewitched me body and soul, and I…love him and wish never to be parted from him from this day on.

I may have a problem.

After I finished my work, and my movie, I decided to brave the rain and do a little shopping. I bought three Christmas gifts for about 8 dollars total, but it’s the thought that counts, right? I’m pretty sure the gifts will go over well, despite the cheap price tag. Two words – Star. Wars. If you think I’ve seen P & P a bunch, it pales in comparison to how many times JD has seen ALL SIX Star Wars movies.

My husband may have a problem.

I was in my fourth store when I began to think, “I wonder if anyone realizes I’m shopping in my pj’s?” When you’re wearing a heavy coat, you don’t really NEED to wear a bra, amiright? And who can tell the difference between fleece pajama pants, and plain fleece pants? No one!

I came home just in time to help Moon with her schoolwork, tell JD what to cook for dinner, and settle back down on the couch for a few more hours on the laptop. It’s nice to sit and work, while the family watches television together. Moon is on episode 228 of the Andy Griffith Show. Another week or so and she will have seen them all.

My daughter may have a problem.

Let’s see, I’ve watched approximately 78 hours of Pride and Prejudice, JD has seen at LEAST 120 hours of Star Wars, and Moon has logged 114 hours of Andy Griffith. That is AWESOME. Team Tyre loves the classics!

I’ve got no problem with that.

And Now We’re On to Christmas

Other than that bridge thing where I played like I’d never seen cards before, I had a great Thanksgiving. The food, the family, laying on the couch and reading – it was a lovely, restful weekend. For ME. My mother-in-law took MoonPie to the pier and the movies, cooked for us, let the dogs in and out 42 times, made dressing and roasted pecans, and generally treated us like royalty. Somehow she managed NOT to cry when we left.

We got back Saturday night, slept in, went to church on Sunday, then came home and decorated our tree. It’s our tradition – the weekend after Thanksgiving, we bake cookies, put on the Christmas music, and drag out every ornament we’ve ever purchased. I’m not going to lie – our tree is not decorated especially well. I know that there are people who do “theme” trees, all red and gold, or white and silver, etc. If we had a theme it would be “hodgepodge”.

It’s not the fanciest tree, but it’s full of memories. Like the candy cane that was included when we got our Jesus Tree. And the pink pig I got from the Cartouche bridge club. And the orange University of Tennessee ornament I got to add a little class to the house.

Decorating the house in a festive but elegant manner is very important to me.

Thanksgiving Successes and Failures

Success: I did not eat until I threw up. A Thanksgiving first!

Fail: Even though I wore black, I still managed to look like I weighed 487 pounds in the group photo.

Success: Spent the afternoon in my pj’s reading Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. GREAT book.

Fail: Played bridge with my father-in-law and STUNK so bad it’s a wonder he didn’t cuss.

Success: Hanging out with 15 awesome family members and friends.

Fail: Not getting to see them enough throughout the year.

Hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving!

Doves and Deer

I didn’t recap the weekend yesterday because I had almost no recollection of it. I knew some people came over for dinner Saturday night, but everything else was pretty much forgotten. Getting old is fun, kids! It’s like those blackouts you have in college without the arrest warrants.

Anyway, I finally retraced me steps and remembered that FRIDAY, our dog Freeda brought a Mourning Dove to our door. It wasn’t dead, but it wasn’t flying away. So we did what all responsible animal-lovers would do, we put it in a box and sent it with MoonPie to Girl Scouts. Luckily for “Worther’s”, I was hungry,  and after picking Moon up, we went to eat at a new Mexican restaurant ALL THE WAY IN PAULDING COUNTY, which just happened to be right next door to a animal hospital. (I’m pretty sure that previous sentence is what the professionals describe as “run-on”, but it’s late and I want to get the memory down before it’s gone.) They said they’d take Worther’s and we were out the door before they could think to ask where to send the bill.


Saturday I cleaned house because that’s what normal people do and not because people were coming over for dinner. Our friend Britt got his first deer this year and he was nice enough to share the meat. I was worried that Moon wouldn’t eat it, but the child ate the deer appetizer, her deer steak, and half of MINE before I made her move on to the vegetables. The first thing she said on Sunday morning was, “Man, that deer meat was GOOD.”

Which is when I told her, “Tastes just like Mourning Dove.” In case Freeda gets lucky again. I can’t be driving all the way across town for every stray animal that finds itself in our yard.


Do you remember a few weeks ago when I posted about MoonPie’s 2nd place finish in her school’s photography contest? Once we brought the medal home, I forgot all about it. Sure they send the 1st and 2nd place winners on to the county level, but last year we finished FIRST and never heard anything, so I had no illusions that this year would be any different.


Imagine my surprise when we got a notice in the mail that MP had placed on the COUNTY level. The award ceremony was tonight and attended by hundreds of participants.

Out of all the 4th graders, in all SIXTY-FIVE elementary schools in Cobb, she placed FIRST!

This would be a great place to actually show you the photo, but it’s not on my computer and I can’t be bothered to walk to the basement to find it. But if when she wins on the state level, it gets to hang in the High Museum, so you’ll have your chance to see it then.

And also on all the mugs and t-shirts I plan to sell. Christmas is right around the corner, place your order now!