There are TWO important people celebrating their birthdays today. First – Granny Meadows who turns 96 today. Whoo Hoo! Granny is in Michigan visiting the Yankees in the family. We’re reluctant to let her go on such an important occasion, but otherwise they might come HERE. I’m totally kidding. Well, sort of.  I had chubby cheeks as a child and my Aunt Gay nicknamed me “Pumpkin Puss”. The Michigan cousins used to visit every year and chase me around pretending they were going to eat me. And they talked weird. Okay, to be honest, (and because they’ve been known to read this blog), I liked them alot. They were like exotic, beautiful aliens coming to Zollicoffer and I followed them around constantly. So hopefully they won’t leave Detroit and come hurt me.

Back to Granny. Wasn’t she pretty? She’s the one on the right. I don’t know who’s on the left since my mother doesn’t label photos. It could be a sister, a cousin, Amelia Earhart . Thank you Mother, for making my blog so VAGUE.

Granny is a lot like the grannies in movies. She always had something yummy cooking on the stove, and she told the BEST bedtime stories. But my favorite thing was her books. Granny read. A lot. She probably still reads a book a day, all of them romances. She had stacks and stacks of Harlequin Romance books in her utility room. I grew up reading them because of her. Which is a good thing, otherwise, how would I know to dream that one day, I’d grow up to meet an arrogant, but devastatingly handsome man who would completely infuriate me on our first meeting, even though I was immediately drawn to him, and while I resisted the attraction, my wealthy and deceased uncle would insist at the reading of his will that me and Mr. Arrogant marry for a year in order to keep the inheritance and we would fall in love, because deep down, he really was my soul mate?

Granny is that nice lady in the back of church, the one that wears a pretty suit and heels every Sunday, and never has a bad word to say about anybody. The one that leaves her house early so that she can go by and pick up her great-nieces and nephews because their mom doesn’t take them to church. Afterwards she takes them to her house for cookies and kool-aid, knowing it will be the highlight of their week. And later, the ones that grow up to believe in the Lord, look back and know it was because she took the time to care.

THAT’S my granny. That’s the legacy of someone who lives her life with love and truth and grace. Happy Birthday, Granny Meadows, I LOVE YOU!

And then there’s this guy.

It’s also HIS birthday. But I’m disinclined to write something sweet about him. Because A) I just wrote a nice post about him on Father’s Day and how many does one guy get? B) I wrote a nice one about my Granny which pretty much drained the  well dry. C) He’s been a serious cranky butt for the last two days.

I mean, if he weren’t devastatingly handsome, I might give him a birthday smack. He has “issues” with birthdays. He doesn’t like them, wants no celebration, no parties, and if you even THINK about a surprise party, he will turn around and leave the party – guests or no guests. I don’t know WHAT his problem is.

It’s not like I’d embarrass him or anything. Geesh. Happy Birthday, Honey, I love YOU!

Carolyn of the Coupon Cartel, Ashleigh the Niece and I went out to eat at a place called Jalepeno Joe’s. Just as we were getting ready to ask for the check, Jalepeno Joe HIMSELF, came to the table. He asked if we’d like to order their world-famous Alamo brownie, of which over 19,000 testimonials had been written.

Being sophisticated consumers, we asked to SEE these 19,000 testimonials. So he brought 3 books to the table and began to read from them randomly. Things like, “I was on the road to hell, robbing banks, stealing cars, but then I had a bite of Joe’s Alamo brownie.” And –

“I woke up this morning hating my life. I said to myself, Self – I hate you, this is our last day together.” But then he ate the Alamo brownie and …well, you get the idea. Anyway, we thought this was HYSTERICAL. We were laughing like crazy and of course, we ordered the brownie, and wrote a testimonial.

Which I will not repeat here.

I had forgotten my camera so Carolyn used the one on her phone because we just HAD to document the whole story. It had BLOG written all over it because it was JUST SO DARN FUNNY. Then I got home and started actually writing about it, and hmmm, it really didn’t seem as hilarious in retrospect. Isn’t it odd how something can seem hysterical at the time, and then later, it’s just not?

It’s a mystery.

I saw my mother and sister recently at which time they both informed me that the Moron Test Kitchens are their least favorite posts. And they didn’t say it like, “I love all ice cream, but vanilla is my least favorite.” It was more, “my least favorite dental procedure is the root canal.”

Whatever. So now I need a NEW weekly segment so that I don’t have to come up with an original thought every freaking day of my life to entertain my readers. Until then, HEY, I spent the day watching movies.

First – Lars and the Real Doll. Basic plot – sad and lonely dude who doesn’t like to be touched and has trouble relating in social situations orders a life-size doll off the Internet and takes her everywhere as his girlfriend.

I’m not gonna lie – I CRIED throughout this movie. I was totally moved by the kindness of his family and friends. It may have something to do with my OWN family. Let me try to show up with a life-size doll and see what happens.

Next, Ashleigh the Niece flipped over to Practical Magic (1998). You know the movie, Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman play sisterly witches? Not so great, but it did have the totally awesome Aidan Quinn.

What can I say? It was watch this or clean house. I went with my gut.

Then Ashleigh and I met up with Carolyn of Coupon Cartel fame for the THIRD movie of the evening – The Ugly Truth.

Absolutely one of the worst movies I’ve seen all year. Sigh. Good-bye $18.00 dollars, it was nice knowing you.   Maybe I should send my mom and my sister the bill.The Moron Test Kitchen was much cheaper.

Ashleigh the niece is in town for a few days before she goes off to college – in ALASKA. We thought we’d make the most of it by visiting the High Museum.

It was Jazz Night, very high brow and all that. We fit right in.

Our friend Mike went, too. He’s one of us.

And by “one of us,” I mean a sophisticated connoisseur of art.