Moron Test Kitchen – Pecan Pie

You guys have heard me mention our friends Brat and Kit? Well Kit is out of town so I worked a deal with her husband that I would make him some pecan pies in exchange for some deer meat. I know what you’re thinking – has he ever HAD your cooking? I know, I don’t get it either, but for some reason he swears that my pecan pie is good and Kit swears she can’t make it.

Brat often says he can tell when Kit has been hanging out with me because she gets a certain “attitude”. I’m guessing that’s a compliment. Anyway, it occurred to me as I was making the pie, the super easy pie that anyone can make, that maybe Kit has learned something from me after all.

Zolli Rule Number One: If you don’t know how to do something, don’t learn.

So this recipe is for everyone BUT Kit.


Start with one cup of Karo syrup. I used light but you can use either light or dark.


Add in 3 eggs. These came from my mama’s fresh stash. Not HER eggs, that would be gross. These came from her chickens.


Add in 1 cup of sugar.


And 2 tablespoons of butter, softened.


Add 1 tsp. of vanilla, then mix all of the ingredients thoroughly.


Next, add in 1 – 1.5 cups of pecans. I didn’t chop mine, just threw in the half pieces, and then pour into pie crust. I used the frozen variety.


Spread it around to make it pretty then put in the oven – 350 for 60 – 70 minutes. Two tips: If you’re using frozen crusts like mine, put the cookie sheet in the oven to preheat before putting the pies in. Secondly, the crust tends to get brown first, so we made pie shields out of aluminum foil to prevent that.


The pie LOOKED nice. I didn’t get to taste it but Brat assured me that they were good.


Since I got this text about an hour after he left my house, (did I mention he was home ALONE), I’m going to give this a Moron Test Grade A.

Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!





Losing It

I’ve heard that when you reach your 40’s things start to fall apart, and I’m here to tell you that I am right on schedule. My brain, like, can’t even.  Moon had a friend over and they started playing, “Name that State’s Capital”. About the time that the score was Friend 18, Mom 2, Moon started staring at me with a look that said, “THIS person is in charge? Lord help me!”

It’s not that I don’t know the capitals, it’s just that when they say a state like Florida I start thinking about all of the times I’ve been to Florida, and about Disney and when we’re going to go again, and about the community that my company owns that’s in Florida and what I need to do for them, and by the time I get to Tallahassee I’m two minutes behind. So basically I have too MUCH knowledge.

It’s not just my mind that’s going, my body is making run for it too. My knees? They crackle and pop every time I stand and it takes at least three minutes before I can walk straight. My left shoulder is useless, and my eyesight is GONE. These problems probably wouldn’t be a big deal for you Kittens, but I come from a long line of long living folks. If my knees hurt now, what will it be like when I’m 101?

I’m not sure why my brain and/or body are wearing out. I hardly use them!  It must be JD’s fault. He’s probably putting something odd in my food when he cooks it, or maybe he’s using highly toxic dryer sheets when he does our laundry. I’ll have to look into that as soon as he comes in here and helps me off the couch. And reminds me what I was looking for.


Bad Bets

Somehow I managed to bet a coworker that Tennessee would beat Georgia. I guess I got all caught up in the whole Rocky Top hype that’s been going on over on Facebook. I blame my cousin Ginger. Anyway, this year was not their year and so I was on the hook for lunch. No big deal, there’s a sweet Mexican place around the corner. But NO. Evidently, this was a high stakes bet, which is why I ended up taking a coworker AND his friend to Houston’s. You know, where a sandwich is 16.00 dollars and doesn’t include fries? Thanks Butch Jones, I owe you one.

Normally I wouldn’t mind spending a little extra on a friend, but I made the mistake of sending my husband and daughter to the dentist. JD would be better off at this point to just get a mouth transplant, and Moon needs FOUR baby teeth pulled. She’s hanging on to those like they’re made of gold. We need to get the baby teeth out so that we can get her into braces which is awesome because she needs straight teeth and we can just live off kudzu salad.

Spend the money on dental work doesn’t really scare me; I’ve got a plan!



Next year, we’re going to be AWESOME.

5 Random Things

I don’t have a lot to say tonight, unlike most of the time when I’m just full of awesome things to share. It’s cold and I’m tired and it’s been dark since something like 3:30 p.m, so here’s 5 random things, with hashtags for fun.

1. I spent three hours in a dentist chair today and it was about 2 hours and 55 minutes too long. #crowngotmedown

2. I got out the clothes that I bought for my mom and showed them to JD. He said, “She’s going to kill you.” #mamadrama

3. My Cousin Vinny is on tonight and it’s still the funniest movie evah. #crazyYankeesmarisascranky

4. I have to take a coworker to lunch tomorrow because Tennessee lost to Georgia. #UGAmakesmepay

5. My brother informed me yesterday that he ran Zolligirl through an online program and we rank in the top 300 million of all websites. Coincidentally he’s in the top 300 million of brothers too. #bummerbrohastogo



My mom’s comment on yesterday’s post reminded me that in addition to running around on Saturday to bridge tournaments and chili dinners, she made me go shopping. And not just regular shopping, but a very sweet 87 year old lady had called to offer some vintage clothes for sale, so I was tasked with going by her house and seeing if she had anything worth buying.

Let’s just get this out of the way – I am NEVER going to tell an 87 year old lady that no one wants her heavy duty polyester pantsuits. Especially after she has walked gingerly up the drive, huffing and puffing to her out building, pulled out 8 boxes of clothes, and explained where she wore each and every piece – “to my sister’s wedding”, “with my husband (God bless his soul) on our 25th anniversary.”As if that wasn’t enough pressure, Moon kept exclaiming over everything – Oh, THAT would be so cute! Which explains why I have a box full of double-knit, flammable dresses taking up space in my trunk, and my mom owes me 65.00 bucks!

I expect once she takes a good look at these treasures, I’ll have a lot more free time on my Saturdays.


Blur of Laziness

My spirit animal is the sloth. While I did DO a few things and GO a few places this weekend, I did them veeerrryy slooowwwwllly. Friday I slowly worked on the computer but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else like shower or dress. So, a typical day. At one point Moon’s BFF came over and we played some bridge but that was about as exciting as it got.

But Saturday was practically a carnival. First of all, I got dressed – that’s always a good start. Then Moon and I picked up her BFF and went to a bridge tournament in Roswell. There was an adult game and a junior game. I could have tried to find a partner but that seemed like too much trouble, so I just sat in a chair in the lobby, sloowwwly attempting a crossword puzzle while the girls played. For the record – I knew three.


The girls played great but we had a bit of a hiccup. At first they sat at table ONE but then the instructor moved them to table FOUR. When the game score came up, it had them listed as pair ONE with a 2nd place win. As we were driving home, the girls checked their scores and realized that their scores were listed under the FOUR pair name and they should have actually won FIRST PLACE. It wasn’t that big of a deal, I mean it’s just a trophy. I didn’t think there was any reason to send an email and tell the instructor and get her to update the bridge director and mail us 1st place trophies. Just kidding, of course I did! I didn’t drive all that way and sit in a chair for nothing.

Saturday night Team Tyre went to a friends house for deer chili and to cheer on the UGA football team. One of those things made my sick to my stomach. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Sunday, I skipped church and stayed in bed for most of the day. That’s what you do when you don’t want to dress or shower and you’ve got a bedside table full of books. All of that laying around hurt my neck so I had to lay around some more to ease my headache. At some point, even I was too sluggish to stand myself anymore so I put on some yoga pants and did a yoga video. By “video” I mean “YouTube”. It was only 5 minutes long, but I like to pace myself.

In other news, scientist landed a rocket on a moving comet and have poor fashion choices.






Historical Fun


Poor JD. Every few weeks he goes out of town to shoot a job, and although he doesn’t say it, I’m pretty sure he enjoys having some quiet time without us. Never again! Moon and I had a fabulous time tagging along.  While he was working, we walked to the Battery and watched dolphins.


We ate BBQ. Moon had it for dinner once and lunch twice. But she also ate and loved hushpuppies, creamed corn, fried shrimp, fried fish, salmon, and a bunch of other pricey things.


One of our favorite things was  doing the Old Exchange Building and Provost Dungeon tour. I know it doesn’t sound exciting, but we learned a lot about Charleston and saw some cool things – including the dungeon that held pirates and patriots.



At night, JD would come back to the hotel and we’d eat somewhere fun. Like this rooftop restaurant –


It was a lovely place to sit and look at the city.


Or your phone, whatever.

JD was done today so before heading home, we took the ferry to Fort Sumter.


Moon, who had stood RELUCTANTLY for every photo all week and walked three paces behind us wherever we went, suddenly wanted this photo for her wall. A 12 year old is pretty good at pretending that everything is all so “WHATEVER” but I could tell she had a blast.

JD Tyre Photography just gained 2 new, unpaid interns! He’s probably secretly thrilled too, amiright Kittens?


Charleston, Baby!

This is one cool city. Seriously. It’s got everything – history, good food, the ocean, good food. Some things are so good they deserve a second mention. JD went to work while Moon and I explored the city. By “explore”, I mean we asked Suri to find us the nearest restaurant. This led us to Poogan’s Porch where we had yummy biscuits and BBQ sandwiches. Afterward, we walked through the famous City Market.  There was a ton of cool stuff, but we were blown away that everything is packed up each night and unpacked again each morning. We did buy a couple of gifts while we were there, but mainly we enjoyed just looking around.

Obviously, after such a hard day we had to go back to the room and nap. Traveling takes it out of a person, amiright Kittens? JD got home around 5:30 and by 7:00 we were ready to eat again. Amen Street Fish & Oysters was our destination and again, it was yummy. We stopped at the Moon Pie store on the way home so we’d have breakfast, and then all settled in for the night.

JD has to work again, and Moon and I are going to the aquarium and to tour an old dungeon, unless we get sidetracked by something important.  And by “important”, I mean delicious. But you probably knew that already.


Kittens, we are off on a homeschool adventure. Never fear, we’ve left the house and Freeda in good hands as we have hired an official house/pet sitter.  We also have my brother and ANOTHER friend dropping by while we’re gone. It’s good to know that even when we’re out of town, my house keeps up the same level of frenzied activity.

So we’re in Charleston and I have to say that today was exactly what I always pictured homeschooling would be like. We told Moon that she had to be the official navigator, and could NOT use GPS. This ended up costing me $40.00 in maps, but whatever. As we drove, Moon sat in the backseat going through the atlas and asking us questions about each state. JD, having traveled more extensively, knew a bit more than I did. At one point Moon said, “C’mon Mom, put up a fight!”  I was FINALLY able to answer a few questions when I reached down deep and remembered some facts from my youth, and also because I checked Wikipedia on my phone, but mostly that second one.

Now we’re in a swanky hotel that gives you free cookies when you check in and two small bottles of water. JD is going to work tomorrow, while Moon and I are going to explore. Well, technically I’m going to work FIRST, but since Moon will probably sleep till noon, I think I’ll have time to get most everything done.

Moon and I plan to experience all of the history of Charleston, and eat lots of BBQ, but mostly that second one.


So, So Lame

I’ll be honest, I totally forgot I even had a blog! I know what you’re thinking, that makes all of us. Look, I’ve been busy.

First of all, I needed Monday to recuperate from my trip to the beach. Not only did I strain my abs laughing, but all of that kayaking left me with a serious boo boo on my thumb. I almost needed a band-aid. And when I did finally recover, then it was off to the salt mines for work. I mean, as much as one can work on an election day.

Here’s a true story – every election day of my youth, my mom would refuse to let me leave the house past dark. For some reason, she swore people would be out “drinking”. Now that I follow politics closely, I understand why. Old habits die hard and as soon as I could sneak out of work without someone docking my pay, I came home, planted myself on the couch and got a drink. Hey, blame my mama.

I’m not going to go into the results of the election, I mean, why upset people? So I want to take about something less controversial – Obamacare. Seriously, yesterday as I was looking over my finances, I was trying to decide whether or not to increase some of my giving, and/or to start supporting new ministries. Then I remembered that our health insurance is set to almost DOUBLE in a couple of weeks. That’s over $400 bucks extra that I have to come up with. As soon as I started resenting having to pay the additional dough, I remembered that all of the poor people can now have cheap insurance because I am helping pay for it. Which led me to think that since I am helping poor people (unlike my own WEALTHY self) then I could count that as giving, and just stop throwing money away on kids in India, the unborn, and missionaries. One easy payment to the insurance company, what a relief! With all of that deep thinking, you can see why I forgot about this blog.

And then there’s my sister. I made the mistake of taking her to a local shop full of glitzy items when she was in town. Not content to shop there for hours on her own time, she discovered their phone number and ordered more LONG DISTANCE. So I had to run to the store, pick up her things, and now I’ve got to find time in my busy schedule to mail them. I mean, I’ve already got lunch AND dinner plans tomorrow. How am I supposed to fit a trip to the post office in? If I wasn’t sitting here typing while wearing all brand new clothes that my sister gave me when she cleaned out her closet, I’d strike.

So, in conclusion, I’m tired, poor, and lazy. But you knew that already.