The MoonPie has been waiting for MONTHS for the movie, The Last Airbender, to arrive. Tomorrow is the big day and I’ve promised to take her. In truth, I’ve been excited to take her since I’m a fan of the cartoon and I missed Toy Story 3. Then I read this:

“The Last Airbender” is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here.

Ebert gave it HALF a star. I’m going to spend $47.50 on tickets and popcorn for a HALF star movie. A half star movie with no handsome love interests in my age range. I really think I should reconsider. What would it teach my daughter if we just went willy-nilly, wasting money on poorly reviewed movies? It’s wrong on so many levels. What I SHOULD do is take her to a good movie, a movie that received TWO out of four stars. A movie so good it’s breaking all records!

Awesome. We’re all in agreement.

Twilight:Eclipse it is. She’ll be over the nightmares in a week. Two at most.

The following is based on a true story.

“Hey girls, we’re on our way! Thank goodness AmmoGuy gave us his GPS. We’ll have no trouble. Who needs to stop for a drink?”

“Aii! What happened to the GPS? Where’d it go? Where is it?  Someone stole AmmoGuy’s GPS!!!

“What? Oh. Never mind.”

Or as we say in 2010 – BiltMO House. Actually, no one says that.

Those tiny people are us. Trust me, you don’t want to see us any closer. I could totally live at the Biltmore. Well, me and 237 servants. WHY don’t I have 237 servants?? Life is so not fair.

The veranda over looking George Vanderbilt’s acreage. I don’t have any acreage!  I don’t know any Vanderbilts! I did, however, eat at the Commodore Restaurant across from Vanderbilt University once. Similar.

The crew taking a break. This was right between the $2.75 sodas and the $4.95 ice cream cones.

RimFire at the Biltmore farm. Hey, somebody had to work off our tickets! 800,000 acres don’t plow themselves.

This poor blacksmith was working hard in the heat. And by “poor” I mean he told us there’s a SEVEN YEAR wait to get things created by him. Is it too late to learn to be a blacksmith? Do blacksmith shops come with A/C?

After leaving the Biltmore, we decided to take the girls mining for gems. I don’t remember how George Vanderbilt made his money, but it was worth a shot.

Keep searching, MoonPie, I’m sure they’re in there somewhere!

Oh well, the Vanderbilt’s we’re not. We managed to have a good time anyway. Who needs 237 servants and 800,000 acres of prime real-estate in Asheville when you can hang with Tania the Mad at McDonalds?

Exactly. I wonder if they’d consider adoption.

Our first stop – lunch. It had been almost 4 hours since breakfast with only Skittles, Reese’s, and Little Debbie cakes to get us through.

Downtown Asheville. Also known as “Don’t look over there, I don’t know WHY he’s dressed like that, and Don’t ever get a tattoo.”

Looking GOOD, Rimfire!

Dance, MoonPie, Dance!

Tania the Mad in a rare moment of congeniality.

What happens when two silly girls see a “flower bed” with only their grandmother and Mad Aunt to supervise. “Get out of that poor woman’s flowers!”

“Wow, those large glass balls hanging from the tree are GORGEOUS. How much are they? $175.00 dollars! Go back to the flower bed!”

Tomorrow – the Biltmore House. What could go wrong?

I’m driving the MoonPie and RimFire to North Carolina where we’re meeting all the other crazy women in my family. Even Alaska Ashleigh will be there!

We’ll  be touring the Biltmore. We’ll be touring the Biltmore with my grandmother who’s 95 96, my mother who’s nursing an aching neck, my sister who’s mad, my niece who’s left her boyfriend behind and will probably be texting constantly about how boring we all are, my other niece who’s accident prone, my daughter who’s whiney-prone, and me – the only normal, well-adjusted one of the whole lot.

And there are those who think going to India was hard.

The people in my life are strange.

For some reason, they’ve all recently become camera-shy. Weird.

I rejoined the gym this week because one of the locations has a great outdoor pool and I knew MoonPie and RimFire would enjoy going. It’s NOT because I’ve lost all muscle mass and can feel my behind on the back of my thighs. I did it for the CHILDREN. Before they could enjoy it, they had to take a swim test.

You guys feeling good? Yeah, that’s the spirit!

Yes, all the way to the end, no stopping, no floating, no dog-paddling. When you reach the end, you need to tread water for one minute. Piece of cake.

Can you push off from the wall? Sure, anything you think will help.

Excellent! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Looking GOOD girls! See, treading water is easy.

No, you’ve got another thirty seconds to go.

Congratulations! You’re a winner.

You can’t feel your what? Whatever, you PASSED!

Whew, I’m exhausted. Cheering is hard.

They get their sand by the ton.

They have their own carnival rides.

When they say, “go play outside,” they have LOTS of outside.