Some days provide lots of blogging material. This would not be one of them. No one dropped in unexpectedly, I didn’t play a exciting game of bridge, and nothing harrowing happened unless you count the ten minutes I frantically searched my house for the one pair of pants that still fit. Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Moon got up and went to school without much fuss. We are always trying to get her to try new foods and last weekend I introduced her to Captain Crunch. Don’t judge me. Any morning we can get her fed and to school on time is a win. Once she was out the door, JD and I got dressed and hit the gym. I was determined that instead of my half mile walk – half mile run – repeat, I was going to run the mile ALL AT ONCE.

I’ve always been an optimist. Luckily, Planet Fitness is a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE, so I slowed my roll at the half way mark and dared anyone to say anything. The bad news is that I didn’t burn as many calories. The good news is that I read several chapters of a new book. Nothing says I’m Serious about my Workout like walking in with a book tucked under your arm.

I came home, showered, tried and discarded a bunch of really tight pants, before finally finding a pair that I could button. If you’re wondering why I bothered getting dressed at all, you know me very well. My friend J had a meeting with a client and she wanted me to go with her. Cause I’m super smart. Also, the meeting was in Hell’s half acre and she didn’t want to drive by herself. I thought for SURE that we’d say something stupid and I’d have something to blog about, like the time we walked in to some chic, midtown ad agency and asked for the “potty”, or the time J told a whole conference room full of people about this hilarious animation I’d been working on of a fat lady riding a bike and how she pulls her shorts out of her crack. Yeah, they didn’t get it either. But this meeting was booorring. Not one butt-crack story.

I made it home, where JD made me a salad for dinner and my daughter made a funny joke by asking if she could have ANOTHER sleep-over this weekend. Then she asked me to help her with her math homework on multiplying mixed numbers using distributive properties and I got so frustrated I may have screamed, “I cried myself through 5th grade once, I’ve paid my dues!” and passed the whole thing off to JD.

Finally, I collapsed on the couch, took 4 Advil, and watched Happy Gilmore.

I wish I could tell you tomorrow would be better, but I have a feeling it will go about the same. Except instead of searching for my fat pants, I’ll be wearing my fat pajamas. In other words – riveting.

I’m too old for this.

Moon brought home a couple of friends on Friday for another sleep-over. And by “sleep”, I mean everything but. I went to Kroger to load up on groceries, then came home and hid in my bedroom with my computer and headphones. It would have worked but her stupid school had a stupid 80’s dance, and stupid elementary school kids can’t drive. Dang that “You must be 16 year old to drive” law.

They can’t sleep alone in the living-room either because apparently they thought watching a scary episode of Zack and Cody was a good idea. Which is why I ended up sleeping on the couch, trying to ignore whispers and giggling and elementary school-girl stank.

My back hurts.

On Saturday, I took them home then gave Moon the chore of cleaning the house while I took a long nap in a real bed. Which is when I got the following texts from Mantamy.

Muhahahhah

Hahahahahhah

We are on our way.

I responded with my usual hospitable attitude with : I am not home.

But it was too late. They were in my drive-way. That’s what you get for telling people your real address. I didn’t really mind. I enjoyed seeing them and it’s not like their house is always perfect. Once I was going through her cabinets for a glass and she had a port glass mixed in with her sherry glasses. I know, right?

Saturday evening Moon and I drove inside the perimeter so she could rock her bridge lesson by making 6 spades DOUBLED. I think we can all agree it doesn’t get much better than that and Moon was singing the praises of bridge all the way home. I love it! It’s nice to know that she’ll be driving me to bridge clubs when I’m too old and infirm to drive myself.

Which would be Tuesday. Dang that “You must be 16 year old to drive” law.

It’s that time again, that night when I get to relive the wonderful fashions from my heyday. Moon’s school is having its 80’s dance. I’m teasing my bangs as I type.

Yesterday was uneventful. I went to the gym and ran 1 whole mile. It doesn’t sound like much but it’s like 5 miles for skinny people. Then I came home and worked because they keep EMAILING me. Geesh, I already went in to the office once this month, what more do those people want from me??

Because it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged and I’m out of practice, I totally forgot to photograph the meatloaf I made for dinner. It would have been a good Moron Test Kitchen if there was actually anyone out there that didn’t already know how to make meatloaf. My daughter looked at hers like it was made out of poop. I told her that was dinner and she could eat it or not and that’s when she got on the phone with her grandmother and disparaged my cooking.  I could hear her in the next room, “Yeah, you’ve tried her dessert, but have you ever eaten her meatloaf? Bleh.”  Someone should tell Moon that snitches wind up in ditches. Or grounded.

Today is going to consist of housecleaning and stocking up on hairspray. Moon is bringing a couple of friends home from the dance for a sleepover and by “sleepover” I mean I’ll probably be up till 3:00 a.m. if anyone wants to call and talk about that new senior football player or Poison.

This is what passed for music in my formative years. It explains a lot.

I was connecting with some friends via Facebook and they were posting photos and videos online and it brought back some great memories. Also, some bad ones. You’ll probably find this hard to believe, but when I was a sophomore, I was sort of unpopular. It might have been the stringy hair and braces. When I didn’t make the cheer squad, I was devastated. Not one to take it lying down, I gathered some other outcasts and we started our OWN cheer squad. Hey, wrestlers need to be cheered on too!

Then one day, the regular cheer squad tried to TAKE OVER. So me and my cheer buddies..oh, just watch for yourselves.

I may have changed a bit physically, but I’ve got those same moves today.

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because I was worried that my life wasn’t exciting enough. What was I thinking! Take today for instance. In a rare burst of energy, I got up and SHOWERED. I mean, like before 9 and everything. Sure it was only because my employer called and asked me to  come into the office for once, but still I DID it. Obviously my body wasn’t used to being up and moving at the ungodly hour of 8 because I somehow managed to pull a muscle in my back. I sat in pain for almost 3 hours at work before my dear friend remembered that he has chronic back pain and that that entitles him to some seriously cool drugs. Which he shared. It’s only been about 6 hours and I’m still feeling groovy. I should really remember to ask him what I took. I hope it’s not Meth. I hear that’s hard to get on a regular basis.

Anyway, not only did I score some sort of amazing drug, I also scored coupons. Dumpster diving in a retirement community is the best! I stopped at Kroger on the way home and got 11 protein bars for FREE. I don’t know if they’re edible, but that’s really beside the point, amiright?

But the best thing of ALL happened when I got home. My husband presented me with the keys to my CAR! See, last September JD was out hotdogging in my car and blew the transmission. We could have paid someone to fix it, but we went a different route. Some friends in real estate had just purchased a home in foreclosure and along with the house came a car. A car that just happened to be the same year, make and model of mine. So we bought it and had it towed to my house. Did I mention they couldn’t find the key and no one knew if it even ran? Aww, what are the chances it wouldn’t?  First, JD took the transmission out of the new/old car. Then he took the transmission out of my car. Then he, along with a couple of men over the course of a few weeks, put the new/old transmission IN my car. Then he fixed the vacuum hose that had broken off. Then he fixed the brakes that had rusted from sitting unused for five months. Then he got the emissions done and tags for it. Finally, he listed the old car on Craig’s List so he could sell it piece by piece to people who need spare parts. And it only took five months!

That must have been a really powerful drug, cause to me, it still makes perfect sense.

Every now and then over the last few weeks, something would happen and I’d think, “Now THIS would make a good blog post.” Mostly it was when my mother was in town. She came, along with the Aunt’s, the week before Moon’s birthday to go to estate sales and to celebrate Moon’s birth. Mostly that first one.

The weekend they came was cold so we didn’t get a LOT of bargains, but we still had fun. The highlight had to be lining up at a house with 17 other people, getting mad because it was five after nine and the door hadn’t opened, urging the people at the front to bang on the door, and then seeing a poor woman answer while half asleep and wearing a shorty robe. Turns out the agents listed the wrong address. Oopsie. The real tragedy was that when we found the correct address they didn’t have anything good. Annoying, amiright?

I did manage to find twin beds, and my aunt totally scored on a chrome, toilet-paper holder, but it was this PAST weekend when I scored my biggest find to date. I made JD get up with me and drive all the way across Marietta, but you can imagine how happy he was when I found the perfect gift for Moon.

Now she’s an official member of the Cartouche Bridge Club!  In an odd twist, JD says he’s unavailable next weekend. Well, with all the bridge pj’s and chrome, toilet-paper holders taken, there’s nothing good left anyway.