Twitter Humor

Because I don’t “follow” anyone on Twitter that’s funny except for my cousin Brian who rarely tweets, I have to go over to and read theirs for my daily dose of laughter.
A few of my favorites:
The person you’re eating with can’t wait for you to go to the bathroom so they can check their phone.

Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on the Internet. That was a close one.
Kind of sad that old people, who have the least amount of time left, are the ones wasting the most time typing in “http://www.”
I put my pants on like everybody else. Grudgingly.
I’ll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Get on Twitter. It’s  a thing.

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