All Play and No Work

Would make me a very happy girl. But alas, until I win the lottery, I actually have to get money the old-fashioned way, milking the time clock.

JD and I went out of town over the weekend to work together on a project. We drove 8 hours to Raleigh where I wrote copy while JD photographed interiors and exteriors. Because we’re not stupid, we took along a company executive to pay for everything. I would like to go on record and say that I am a fan of the expense account. And while I’m a fan of my job, I would consider leaving my current position for another one with an even BIGGER expense account. I can be bought.

The first night, we had dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. Because I’ve suddenly fallen Vegan, my choices were limited. I had bread and olive oil to start, then bread with a mushroom topping as an appetizer, then a personal pizza with no cheese, so basically bread with basil and tomato. Thank goodness I haven’t become gluten-free or I would have starved. The good news is, I stayed on the vegan diet. The bad news is, I’m now officially 300 pounds. It’s true. JD had me stand in for a few photos while he adjusted his lights, and I actually blotted out the sun.

Perhaps I just feel fat because my mother came to town and left me some vintage clothes. Waiting on my bed were about 5 jackets, 3 dresses and 2 pantsuits. I assume these were for normal women of the past, and obviously “normal” women weighed 79 pounds. ONE of the outfits, the one with an elastic band around the waist, actually fit me. The others fit Moon, and only after she lay down on the bed to get them zipped. Now not only do I get to compare my horrid BMI to the women I see everyday, but also to all the women who’ve gone before. I am considering a year-long juice fast. Also, breaking my jaw and having it wired shut for 30 pounds, I mean days.

Sunday we went to church, out to eat AGAIN, then home where I sat on the couch and considered cleaning the house, while Moon played outside with friends. It was a nice way to wind down from the busy weekend. Which I needed, since work has asked that I come in on Monday for a meeting. Didn’t I just give these people 2 entire days of my life? Now they want MORE? The only reason I said yes, is there’s a part of me that’s hoping it’s to tell me what a good job I’m doing, and give me my own American Express card. Granted, it’s not a large part, like my butt or anything.

I should probably call and have someone clock me in now just to be safe.

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