I know you’ve been waiting all weekend to hear how I did at bridge. You’ll be happy to know that I won 1.2 points, and all it took was sitting at a card table for 48 continuous hours. My partner, Patty, and I scored .45 during the tournament, then I played a side game in the OPEN pairs to win another .80. The Open Pairs is where you play with people with a ton of points and they are exceedingly hateful when you set them. I actually played against THE MOST HATEFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD, and that’s saying a lot since I once got called a “F%&#(N Moron” at the table. .80 doesn’t seem like a lot under the circumstances.
I also won at the DIETING game, mainly because my Fed-Ex package of food never arrived. The tracking number says that it “failed to deliver because address doesn’t exist” which it clearly DOES, because here I IS. Sigh. I guess this means I’ll have to go to the hub and pick it up myself. Of course, all of my frozen food will be thawed and I’ll have to eat it in one sitting, but I’m sure it will even out in the end. Right?
Finally, I won at LIFE because a few months ago, I received notice from our local electric company that there was some sort of “class-action lawsuit” and I might “be eligible for a check”. The letter said if you had electric service from 1988 to 2012 to fill out the paperwork and blah, blah, blah. Yesterday, two checks came in the mail. The one for the office was a whopping $22.00 dollars and for the house – FIVE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SEVEN BIG ONES! I started to call my mom and tell her, because technically she did live in the house from 1988-1995, but then I remembered a couple of things.
1) Global Warming: All of the science kids keep saying it’s much hotter now than it used to be, so I’m guessing we have used a lot more electricity than she did when she lived here, thus paying more. And…
2) My Childhood: When we lived in Tennessee, she RARELY turned on the A/C. Of course, we only had one unit that she kept in her bedroom, so I guess she only needed it at night. I had to sleep upstairs and she would put a fan in my window to blow OUT. It was supposed to suck all of the hot air up into my room and out the window. OBVIOUSLY, when she moved to Atlanta, she would not have used the A/C much out of habit, thus is really entitled to none of my money.
The only issue I had was that the check was made out to her. Oh well, I put it in an envelope and mailed it to her because she’s reasonable and I’m sure she’ll give me the money BACK.
HAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding. I signed her name on the back and deposited it pronto, thus being able to buy a new window unit of my OWN.