Playing bridge today, I had an epiphany – everybody HATES me. My partner hates me because I make stupid bids that make no sense and cause us to have a ZERO, which is bad. The opponents hate me because I make stupid bids that make no sense which OCCASIONALLY end up being a TOP, which is good, because no one else in the room would ever stumble themselves into that particular contract. The Director, Meany McSweany, REALLY hates me because instead of sitting quietly at his computer and inputting scores, he’s being called to my table every 30 seconds to rule if my hesitation/bid/lead/tone/yelp was A) illegal and stupid or B) just stupid. I’m sure they’re having a special meeting right now to talk about ways to stop me from coming. Cause just being mean and hateful and beating me isn’t doing it. To the lady that called the Director not once, but TWICE on one hand, your day is coming GRANDMA!