Something has to give..

and I think it’s my zipper. I have been dieting for approximately 3,782 days and have lost almost zero pounds. I don’t know what the problem is – I eat whatever I want and do no exercise. What is it going to take?? The other day I was complaining to a friend that I really, REALLY wanted to be skinny.

She: You’re beautiful.

Me: That’s not skinny.

She: You’re not fat.

Me: I notice you didn’t say I was skinny.

She: Who wants to be skinny anyway?

Sigh. I know it’s annoying to hear someone constantly complain about their weight, but it could be worse. I could SHOW you how I look. Then you’d be sorry.

Are you secretly judging me because I’m squishy? Being judgemental is wrong. I know because the other day I saw this lady at a conference and she was wearing the most ridiculous shoes I’ve seen on a real live human being and I was thinking, ‘You clearly can’t be trusted with anything important”. I was wearing very sensible black shoes I’d obtained at a yard sale for a dollar, OBVIOUSLY, a wiser, more respectable choice.

Hers were kinda like this. And don’t be giving me grief and saying they’re cute. They are ridiculous. Of course I would have totally worn them back in the day. Back in the day when I was single.

Today is my wedding anniversary – 14 years. So to recap, I’m a heavy-set, old married woman who wears sensible shoes.

My husband is a lucky man. And by lucky, I mean despondent. Pray for him.

3 thoughts on “Something has to give..

  1. Happy Anniversary. Too skinny people wrinkle really bad. Be happy you look so good and have the sense to wear sensible shoes. That lady wearing those other shoes will probably turn her ankle and have back problems.

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