Oh No He Di’NT!

Friday night I went to see The Help with the church ladies radigals. It was a great movie about racial tensions in Mississippi during the 60’s. Afterward I found myself deeply depressed. Not about the racial stuff, that got all worked out. I’m talking about something serious. Turns out that while I THOUGHT I had lucked out and got the matinee price, in reality, I’d been given a different discount. A SENIOR CITIZEN discount.

I know, right? How that pimply-faced moron behind the glass mistook a totally hip chick like me for 55+ is beyond me. And to make it worse, my friends who are VERY close in age to me, were charged full price! Ironically, one of them actually PEED HER PANTS when I told I’d been given a senior discount. Yeah, I’M the old one. Whatever.

But, just like the “help” in the movie who gathered their courage to overcome, I too have a plan. Of course, my problem is much harder, but I won’t let that stop me. That’s why today marks the beginning of:

Zolligirl’s 40 Days to Fabulous TM

That’s right. In 40 days, I’m going to be TOTALLY fabulous. Here’s the plan in case you want to follow along:

Goal 1. Lose 10 pounds. I wanted to do 40 pounds in 40 days but I thought that might be a little tough since I’m really hoping that exercise won’t get dragged into this. I’m going to do it by sticking to the Paleolithic Diet, where you eat only things that were around during the Paleolithic time period. No fast food, no chips, no sugar. Hey, I grew up in the Paleolithic period! This is going to be a snap.

Goal 2. Have a makeover. About twenty years ago, I went to visit the parents of a boyfriend during Christmas. As a gift, his mother took me to Marshall Field’s for a make-up intervention. She didn’t call it that, but we both knew the truth. The makeup lasted about as long as the relationship. So now I need a do-over. I’m looking for great makeup that won’t break the bank. I’m sure that will be easy to find. Those bottles are so little!

As I get to looking good, I’m going to work on a few other things too. Like keeping a cleaner house, spending more time with the family, being nicer, blah, blah, BLAH. For now, let’s just concentrate on the important thing – the OUTSIDE. Feel free to join me on this journey. In forty days I’ll be looking great and paying full-price as God intended. And my friend?

Oh, she’ll be investing in Depends. You can’t cure a weak bladder in forty days, I don’t care how hard you try.

9 thoughts on “Oh No He Di’NT!

  1. They should let people ask for the senior discount it always made be mad when they asked me if I wanted it. Young people think everyone over 30 is old. I think I still have some of that make-up. A shorter hair cut should be on that list and get rid of those dark blouses. House work is good exercise.

  2. Come see me, I have lots of make-up and I can show you how to use it. I have never been asked about a senior citizen discount and I am fast approaching that age. But, the number one thing you must do to be Fabulous is………..
    get RID of the INDIA shirts!!!

  3. Who told you I was wearing an India shirt at the time? Keep the advice coming. What brand of makeup should I try?

  4. Poor old geezer ZolliGirl !

    They offered me the Senior Discount at Publix a while back when I was at Publix getting 2 packages of Oreo cookies on a buy one – get one free deal. I declined – I’m not giving up my youth for 12 cents in discounts. If it had been a few bucks, like at the movies, I might have to think about it.

  5. And hey – why is it your girl friends are all closing their eyes when you take their pictures? I understand why your bridge partners might want to close their eyes when you are playing… Just kidding…

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