Moron Test Kitchen – It’s Come to This

I’m on this crazy diet and it’s killing me! By “crazy”, I mean I’m supposed to eat cucumbers and tomatoes, 3 oz of grilled chicken and steamed broccoli. YUCK. Why couldn’t I have tried the cookie diet??? Anyway, for lunch – the menu calls for two boiled eggs. That’s IT. Two boiled eggs do not qualify for lunch! I’m pretty sure even a snake would eat two eggs and then call Dominoes. Ridiculous.

Yet. I have to do something, so here I go, dutifully boiling my two eggs only to find that the yolk is not fully cooked. The yolk is NEVER fully cooked. I don’t care if I boil them for 15 minutes, I still get uncooked yolk. And when you’re entire lunch is TWO eggs, you don’t really want to be throwing out any part of them. Did I mention that I get grumpy when I’m hungry?

So I searched online for How to Boil and Egg. They make it sounds so easy.


Place eggs in a pot and cover with cold water. They say this works for 1 egg or 18. We’ll see.


Bring to a boil for exactly THREE MINUTES. Hah. 3 minutes will NEVER work.


Turn off the heat and cover for exactly EIGHT minutes. Sure, sit there in that hot water, that’s going to work. I told you, I have BOILED eggs till the water dried out and the shells turned black. Nothing I do matters -the eggs are going to be runny.


They say if you let the egg cool in the fridge for a half hour it will peel easier. Whatever, I’m starving! Let’s get on with the big reveal –


Holy Moly, I’m a genius! These are perfect eggs! Wow, Moron Test Grade – A+. I’m feeling pretty smug right now. Who knows? I may move on to bigger and better things. Like eggs that are FRIED or maybe even an OMELET.

6 thoughts on “Moron Test Kitchen – It’s Come to This

  1. Starting today, can hardly wait. But since I can’t eat eggs, on that day I think I’ll have the cookies.

  2. I think you are becoming grumpy when you are happy. Have a salad no dressing with the eggs.

  3. Have a ques…..where is Zollicofer…I’ve googled it and get a general or something was named that. Where is it??? I know this had nothing to do with your blog but it made me wonder why you didn’t learn to boil an egg in Zollicofer? LOL

  4. We don’t even know how to boil water in Zollicoffer. Zollicoffer is the most wonderful place to live in the USA.

  5. Zollicoffer is between Livingston and Hilham Tn. And I learned everything I know about cooking at my mother’s knee.

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