Lisa Tyre’s Acworth

Sarah Palin’s Alaska garnered the highest premier EVER on TLC with 5 million viewers. I figure my life is worth at least 2.5. Cue the music!

My morning started at 6 a.m. because the MoonPie has learned the art of the alarm clock. Well, “art” may be too strong a word. She wakes up, then yells “MAMAMAMAMAMA” until I go and get in the bed with her. Since I couldn’t see how to turn off the alarm, I just turned the volume all the way down and hit snooze. Surprise! I had turned it all the way UP. How funny is that? Time for a commercial break.

Now it’s time to see me at work in my office. Like Sarah, I tend to dress down. Unlike Sarah, I don’t have an awesome view of the Alaskan landscape. My office is in the basement where I have my choice of looking at a grey wall, or the neighbors carport. Man, my neighbors keep things clean over there. Who DECORATES their garage?

Works done, lets go climb a mountain! Nah, that’s too obvious. Plus, last time I almost puked. Let’s go play bridge! I wonder if there’s an episode where Sarah finds out that the women she hangs with are really back-stabbing, mojo-stealers?

See, in a few weeks I’ll be going to a rental cabin with the bridge ladies. For the past NINE years, I’ve worn one thing on Day 1. A totally, awesome orange, velour suit.

But a few weeks ago, Positive Patty said I should put it in the Yard Sale pile. Then today I went looking for it only to find it MISSING. Carolyn claims she’s taken it and she’s not giving it back. And Mother suggested I wear her PINK suit instead. Do they REALLY think they can steal my mojo that easily? Don’t they realize that I have a back-up plan?

That’s right, the bridge SWEATER. Will I win? Will they give me back my suit? Will our friendship conquer the drama of bridge? You’ll have to tune in next week. Roll the credits!

If this fails, I’m up for Real Housewives of Acworth. Or maybe Woman vs. Food. I’m pretty sure I could do that.