How to wake up at 2 a.m. in a flop sweat…

and become intimate with your mother-in-law’s toilet.


Have two glasses of Chatham Artillery Punch, history and recipe below:

“Originated with the Chatham Artillery, Savannah, Ga., and served in that city for more than 100 years. It is delicious, seductive, powerful. This is the punch that knocked out Admiral Schley when he visited Savannah in 1899 after the Spanish War. Admiral Cervera’s Spanish shells were harmless to the brave American admiral, but Artillery Punch scored a direct hit which put him out for two days. Serves 100 (or 10 Admirals)”

1 lb. green tea
2 gallons cold water
3 gallons Catawba wine
1 gallon rum
1 gallon brandy
1 gallon rye whiskey
5 lbs. brown sugar
2 qts. cherries
juice of three dozen oranges
juice of three dozen lemons
1 gallon gin
12 quarts of champagne


Next, make two trips to the table being sure to sample the turkey, dressing, gravy, pork, short ribs, gumbo, deviled eggs, sweet potato casserole, black eye peas, greens, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese and grape salad. Don’t forget to try a slice of Italian cream cake and 42 candied pecans.

Rest for 1 hour, then right before bed think to yourself, “I bet those chocolate covered peanuts would taste good about now.”

Go to bed. Run to the bathroom.

2:15 a.m. – remember one last thing you’re thankful for – that Thanksgiving only comes around once a year.

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