Tonight’s important because the three that make it out alive, get to go home, where their townspeople will show them lots of love, and the judges will pick songs for them to sing. If Haley makes it, she can expect to get something like “Kung Fu Fighting”. The judges have been known to sabotage a contestant. I’m talking to YOU, Paula Abdul.
First up, songs that inspire. James takes on Don’t Stop Believing which I think is a brilliant choice. Most of his fan base won’t remember Steve Perry enough for comparisons. As if he needed to give Randy another reason to crown him the winner, he picks a Journey song. Did you know Randy was in Journey? He might have mentioned it once or twice. Stephen says something that was bleeped, thank you, LORD, and JLO says the same old crap we’ve grown to expect. I thought it was solid, but it didn’t make my skirt blow up. A-
What inspires Haley? Michael Jackson’s What About Us. Oh, Haley, they finally got to you didn’t they? It’s hard to be bored when someone is yelling at you, but I managed. JLO hates it and tells her to think about what James is doing next time, Randy keeps it really real, as usual a sentiment he reserves ONLY for Haley,and says he hated it. What’s this? Haley is fighting back! You go, girl! Stephen tells her it was great and that the other judges were wrong. The problem is that since he has rarely made sense up until this point, it’s not all that reassuring now. My vote, C.
Uh oh. Scotty is singing one of my faves, Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning. Personally, with OSB supposedly dead, I think he should have picked this:
Why do I like this so much better than usual? Oh, he’s playing the guitar so there’s no creepy, flute-like microphone holding. Somewhere my mother is yelling, “In it to Win it!”. Randy loved it, Stephen said it was beautiful, and JLO is in love with him and what he stands for. My favorite performance of his this season. I’m nothing if not Pro-USA. Solid A.
Lauren sings Martina McBride, AGAIN. Wow, Scotty pulled out the big guns by tapping into the country’s dead terrorist high, and Lauren goes straight for the tornado vote. Can these country kids wrench your heart or what? She sounded beautiful and actually looked confident. Stephen loved it, JLO loved it and finally, Randy pulls out the “In it to win it!” I’m nothing if not pro-SOUTH. A
Let’s take a moment and let the judges reinterate how much they hate Haley. Is she crying yet? Almost? Well, she’s about to sing live in front of twenty million people, it’s the best we can do.
Leiber and Stoller provide the songs, GaGa provides the mentoring. But first we have to get that mental patient off the stage. What? That’s her? Never mind. She tells Haley to up the drama, that’s a surprise coming from the lady dressed like a hooker on Halloween. Haley sings, I Who Have Nothing Except the Judge’s Distain. The girl rocked the ballad and the judges are on their feet. Is it me, or does Haley look like she wants to spit on them? JLO says it’s one of the best performances of the year, Randy says she got mad and had a moment, and when he says IITWI she practically rolls her eyes! Or maybe that was me. Anyway, Stephen liked it, of course. Ryan forces Haley to make nice with the judges, but she’s not feeling it. Great vocal, A+
Next up, Scotty. I miss most of the mentoring because JD is having conniptions about what GaGa is wearing and I’m fighting my gag reflexes over the phrases “Scotty” and “Make Love”. Tonight on Hee Haw, Scotty McCreery sings Young Blood! Could he be any more of a tool? Randy said we just saw both sides of Scotty’s concert, Stephen mentions Pat Boone, AWESOME, and JLo starts talking race metaphors. I. Hated. It. D
Lauren sings Elvis and stumbles over the word “evil”, but Lady GaGa assures her that being evil is no big deal, you get used to it. This is the first mentor that has made me totally forget Jimmy Iovine. Lauren looks SEXY. Is this what hanging with GaGa will get you? For a person worried about singing the word “evil”, she picked a song that said it approximately 723 times. Who cares what Stephen says? JLO said it was great, REALLY, REALLY, and Randy likes the fun side. I thought it was good, A-.
James Durbin sings Love Potion #9, which reminds me of a guy I went out with a couple of times in the 80’s. He was in a band, of course, and would sing that song while hitting himself on the head. I was a very picky dater. LGag thinks he needs to move his hips, so of course, she gets up and moves them for him. To be fair, it’s a very tricky thing and hard to do on your own. Hmm, it’s hard for me to like the vocal, cause I’m having such a visceral reaction to the song. But JD says it was “killer”, so I’ll go with that. A for James.
Now who’s going home? I’m guessing Lauren. Not that she SHOULD, but she and Haley are going to split votes, and I think Haley’s got a lock on the pity contention.
Any of you out there voting? Who do you think is heading home, and not in a good way?