Kittens, when my daughter asked me to chaperon her 5th grade field trip, I admit I had certain reservations, but the way she described it gave me hope. First of all, she said, we’d be traveling by luxury bus with TVs and a bathroom. The reality was slightly less fantastic. Yes, I was on a bus with tv’s and a bathroom, but I didn’t realized I’d be shoulder to shoulder with 75 stinky 5th graders who’d say things like, “I need to go #2!” and “I think I’ve got one about to come out!” out LOUD, or that the bathroom would be the size of a broom closet, or that the tv show would be a 3rd rate movie about horses and rednecks that made everybody in the south sound like a gap-toothed fool.
Also, responsibility. I thought that JD and I, yes he went too, would basically follow our daughter around enjoy the fun. In actuality, the teacher met us on the sidewalk and said our “group” would need a little extra help. One of the girls was in her own world and likely to walk away at any moment, and the other two, while best friends, were a bit “troublesome”. Lovely. Luckily I got home with all of them, but not without drama. At one point one of the girls wanted us to go outside, but the other one didn’t. Later, the other wanted to go out and the first one didn’t. During the course of the boat ride, the drama became so intense that one of the best friends wouldn’t speak to the other best friend, which led to 2 hours of the silent treatment and finally tears. I’d had enough and finally told the offended party to either make up with her friend or she could sit with me on the whole ride home. Let’s just say, my skills as a moderator are epic. Perhaps I should take a trip to Israel?
We went to Ruby Falls – impressive, Rock City – peaceful, and for a Riverboat cruise – a hot barge sitting on stinky water. And all they had to eat was pizza. Pizza for a non-dairy eating dieter! Obviously, regular readers are familiar with my discipline, which is why I’m ALSO a hot barge sitting on stinky water. Or a couch, whatever. Of the three, Ruby Falls was my favorite. I loved hearing about the history, especially how 3 men went down into an elevator shaft into the mountain to explore an air pocket, and crawled on their hands and knees through a passage that was 4 feet wide and 2 feet high for SEVEN HOURS before they could find a place to stand up, a trip that eventually led them to the famous falls. Hey, I applaud men and their pioneering spirit.
Tomorrow is Field Day at Moon’s school, which means another long day of hanging out in the hot sun with sweaty children. Unfortunately, I’ve got plans, but I’ve assured JD he can go. I WOULD but I’m not the one with the pioneering spirit.