A word about Mothers-in-law

My husband’s mother is coming tomorrow. Are there six scarier words in the english language?  When you’re young and thinking about your future husband, no one ever tells you to think about his mother. But BOY does that make a lot of difference in the quality of your life. Mine actually acts like she LIKES me. And I am crazy about her. So I was thinking of what makes a good Mother-in-law and I’ve come up with a few tips for when your children marry.

1. They live just far enough away so they can’t drop in without a phone call. My mother-in-law has never actually seen my house. Well, not the house in it’s natural state with underwear on the floor, dishes piled in the sink and apple cores under the couch. With luck she never will.

2. They don’t go looking for trouble. When JD’s mom is here, I put her on the couch and tell her not to move. This is because I’ve cleaned a very careful path from the couch, to the bedroom, to her bed. Veering from that path could result in dangerous objects falling on her head. A good friend, let’s call her “Sally”, let her mother-in-law wander freely around her house. This resulted in her mother-in-law walking into the kitchen and whispering conspiratorially in Sally’s ear, “I cleaned your toilet for you.” I don’t let JD or Rachel even USE the bathroom while my mother-in-law is visiting. We go in the yard.

3. They live on the beach. Seriously? Do I even need to explain free vacations for life?

4. They send sweet things in the mail for your children. Not only does this save you big bucks, but has the added benefit of creating a competition between the grandparents. My mother has gone as far as changing her grandmother nickname (granny) to the same as my mother-in-laws (M) just to confuse my daughter as to where the gift ACTUALLY came from.

5. They play bridge! Not only is my mother-in-law a bridge TEACHER, but she understands the importance of the game. When my husband calls all lonely and hungry, she has the appropriate response. “You should have learned while you had the chance.”

As you can see, I hit the Mother-in-law lotto. JD is NEVER getting rid of me. If we ever decided to split, we’d be fighting over visitation rights to his mother’s house. Obviously, I’d WIN. We bridge players stick together.

If my blogging is light over the next few days, you can blame it on the fact we’re hanging at the Super Sectional. But you can always check out the blog my brother’s wife writes. It’s at www.WhyDidntSomeoneWarnMe.com.