My morning started at 5:30 a.m. when the dogs decided it was TIME TO GET UP! Normally I just pretend to sleep while JD feeds them, but he outlasted me this morning and I finally gave in. Instead of doing something sensible like going back to bed, I stayed up watching television. I was afraid that if I got back in bed, I’d oversleep and make Moon late for school. Wednesdays are Chick-fil-A biscuit day and last week we were too late to get one. Not cool.

I’m not usually up at the crack of dawn so I’d missed all the awesome infomercials. Did you know there’s a 10-Minute Workout by the p90x dude? TEN minutes! I thought about buying it, but seriously, if they can get it down to 10, they can get it down to FIVE. Amirite? I can wait.

I also watched Heidi Klum sell something called In An Instant. It’s a skincare product that removes fine lines IN AN INSTANT! It’s totally true, I saw the unretouched photos! The reviews claim it smells hideous, but I’m guessing that helps. The further away people stay, the better you’ll look. But I can stink on my own, so I passed.

Still, it got me in the mood to kick up the 40 Days to Fabulous Adventure a notch. As JD left to take Moon to school, I informed him we’d be going for a run when he got back. That’s right – a RUN. While he was gone, I searched the Couch to 5K guidelines and it seemed simple enough. Day One: 5 minute warm-up, then run for 90 seconds and walk for 60 seconds, over and over for about 20 minutes.

This is when I had an epiphany. Well actually, it was right after I’d completed 180 seconds of running and was dry-heaving into the bushes, that the light bulb went off. Why was I so worried about the OUTSIDE? It’s the inside that really matters. Dieting and make-overs and spending money on clothes is just so VAIN. How could I be so shallow? So I walked home, slowly, and thought about all the changes I’d make for a better INSIDE.

Which is why I spent most of the day dusting and cleaning out my bookshelves. This weekend, I’m going to buy a rug, and JD has already found some great paint. Our living room needs a SERIOUS makeover. Man, it feels good to have my priorities back in order.

Hey, it’s as feasible as me doing a 5K.

Monday? It’s been nice, now buh-bye.

Life could not BE more exciting. If you consider playing Words with Friends in your underwear exciting. I stayed up late last night finishing my FIFTH Jack Reacher novel in about seven days. Obsess much? I’m not even sure why I’m reading them, since thrillers are not my genre of choice typically. Anyway, I finished about 1 a.m. and swore I wouldn’t buy another one for at least two weeks. The Nook has been put away where I can’t get to it unless I get off the couch and walk across the room. Not. Likely.

I recognize that my Forty Days to Fabulosity TM has turned into Moments Away from FATtastic but there is nothing to be done. My all-meat diet of Vienna sausages and bacon is not producing the results for which I’d hoped. Odd. *After I got all of my real work done, I wrote about 1000 words on my NEW novel which I’m sure will be a big hit once I figure out the other 66,000 words I need to be done. It’s guaranteed to be a hit because it starts with a BANG. And by “bang” I mean the main character gets shots in the head.

Would you like to pre-order yours now?

Once Moon was home, we got straight to homework which included studying her SPELLING words. I would love to tell you how she did on her spelling test, but I got out the Mr. Clean and sniffed it until the memory faded. The good news is I finally found a USE for my cleaning supplies.

Finally, I finished up the evening by playing bridge. It was a great night in that every time I bid a suit, Patty would have about 7 of them. Unfortunately, she was the opponent. And just when I thought it was all over, I came home to find the GOP debate on.

Can you buy Mr. Clean by the barrel?

*In case anyone from work is reading this, let’s assume EVERYTHING is done on personal time.

Kittens, I Am Officially Old.

I had a wonderful birthday weekend which actually started on Thursday, when me and the Radicals went out for a birthday celebration. My friends Pam and Kathryn have birthdays in September also, so we thought we’d all go out to celebrate en masse which is French for “before we die”. Nothing says SEXY and VITAL like women bringing their own sombreros to a Mexican restaurant.

On Friday I treated myself to BRIDGE with my friend Patty. I stopped at the ATM to get some money and was so excited about playing that I sped off without my bank card for the 3rd time this year. Some people get a lot more excited about having cash on hand than others, apparently. Anyway, Patty and I came in FIRST in C which was worth all of ZERO points. Being the best of the worst is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Friday night, the family took me to Costco where we bought MoonPie new eyeglasses and ourselves a family dinner of 3 foot-long hotdogs AND 20 oz cokes for under 5 bucks! Which was a relief after the $300 dollars we spent on a certain young ladies High School Musical glasses. She looked at the nine dollar pair I tried to talk her into like they were made out of poop. As IF!

My birthday began with breakfast in bed, and then I spent the rest of the morning finishing another Jack Reacher novel, or as JD calls him, my pretend boyfriend. Of course he’s being silly because if I were going to have a pretend boyfriend it would be Mitch Rapp because Jack Reacher is way too tall for me. Not that I’ve given it much thought. After my book, I spent the next 7 hours watching the US Open. Go Djokavic! Perfect. Day.

It was a great birthday and I got lots of great messages on Facebook, gifts, phone calls, etc. My Aunt Nancy sent me a check and when I got it, I thought what I ALWAYS think. First, I have great Aunts. And second, REALLY? Do my nieces and nephews expect me to keep sending them money when they’re well into the FORTIES? They should know that my Aunt Nancy never had any children so she didn’t lose all hard earned money buying fancy musical-inspired eyeglasses.

Maybe I’ll buy them a Costco membership instead.

Like, School is so not Cool, ya know?

MoonPie came home today with her spelling words – 26 words that she needs to know how to SPELL by tomorrow. I’m so glad she didn’t wait until the last minute. Despite not knowing how to spell 19 of the 26, she’s not worried.

“Mom, if I can squeeze out a 70, then it’s not failing.”

We have high standards here at the Tyre household obviously.

After the spelling issue, I thought I’d better take a look at her teachers website and see what else was happening tomorrow. Oh, nothing much. Except – bring items in a baggie to create your own float-able raft. Awesome. Luckily we live across from a WalMart and JD was able to create a perfectly good raft out of Styrofoam, toothpicks, straw and a piece of paper that says SS Asher. I think he’s TOTALLY going to rock 4th grade.

If he can spell “behavior” and 25 other words that is.

5 Reasons Why I Get Nothing Done

1. Jack Reacher.

I just recently discovered Lee Child and now I must read all of his Jack Reacher books. All 16. I would like to have them finished this week.

2. Words with Frenemies

It was bad enough as an app on my phone, but now that it’s attached to Facebook, I can’t get away from it! If I start using words like “aa”, “qi” or “zoon” in a sentence you’ll know why.

3. Masterpiece Theatre

Little Dorrit is on! Need I say more???

4. The US Open

The bad news? Rain has made it impossible to play the last two days. The good news? I’ll be watching non-stop tennis the rest of the week! Who cares if the players have to play two or three matches a day. That’s why they get the big bucks, right?

5. Blogging

Obviously, you don’t come up with a post like this without serious research and reflection. It took me at least four minutes. That’s four minutes I could have spent sweeping. Or finding a triple letter space for my z. Whichever.

Moon Light

My daughter is growing up before my very eyes.

There are times when she seems to be the same, then suddenly, I’m confused. Where did this grown kid come from??

It’s crazy, but she’s looking and acting more and more like a teenager every day.

Okay, maybe not EVERY day.

Hope for the Unemployed

The economy got you down? Convinced you’ll never work again? Don’t worry – just be an artist!

For the Stay-at-Home Mom:

This lovely sculpture cost almost nothing to make and has been featured online, in prominent galleries, and in magazines. It’s made out of nail clippings and baby teeth, a perfect project for women with lots of children, struggling to make ends meet.

Don’t have children?

Art Anyone Can Do except the Lactose Intolerant:

This sweet piece of work sells for $2400.00 dollars and is made by drinking glasses of milk, doctored with food coloring. Oh yeah, then you have to VOMIT it onto the canvas. The only drawback I see is the high cost of milk, but at 2400 bucks a pop, I guess it’s worth it.

Not a dairy fan?

Perfect for The Man of the House:

This costs a little more to do since it uses real paint. But the good news is that this artist has found a great way to save on brushes. He uses his own “brush”. And by “brush”, I mean “men will use any excuse to pull an Anthony Weiner.” And by “Anthony Weiner”, oh never mind.

The full list of cool art is HERE.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to clean out my bathroom drain and glue it to a canvas. $1200 bucks and it could be yours!

People Are Creative

I know I was supposed to have a post this morning, but I was too tired to find anything to write about. But then I saw this:

No big deal, right? It’s just a painting. But check HERE to see the WOW factor.

Just keeping you up-to-date on what’s happening in the art world.