I may have issues

My emails are annoying me. Why do I have to think about this NOW? It’s the weekend, I don’t feel like dealing with you.

Facebook is annoying me. Keep your foolish comments to yourself! Maybe I should defriend you. Nah, too confrontational. Maybe I’ll just “hide” all of your silliness. Or better yet, never get on Facebook again!

This book is annoying me. It’s stupid. Why didn’t you address that problem in the fourth chapter? I had to read all that way to answer an obvious question that you should have mentioned long ago. And now you’ve written a sequel? Why would I want to read MORE about this stupid story?

That actor is annoying me. Shut up. Your movie is stupid and boring. Pick a better script next time. Don’t you have people you can pay to help you with this? I want my two hours back!

You politicians are annoying me. Could you tell the truth is your life depended on it? Do you think we are stupid? Why are you wasting our money? You’re like kids on spring break with your mother’s credit card. I think you should all be arrested.

This message brought to you by:

You might want to stay away for awhile.

Holy Sunday

Last week I finished Crazy Love. Now I’m reading the story of Brother Yun.

While I was acting like a pure idiot in college, he was being tortured in a Chinese prison for telling people about Jesus. His story illustrates that he understood, “his life is not his own, but bought at a price.” I love hearing about people who are completely sold out for Christ. Hearing about it is good, living it is much harder.

Enjoy your Sunday!

I’m a Rock Star!

A COUPON rock star. Behold –

Four sticks of deodorant and eight pouches of tuna. Grand total with tax – 45 cents! The teenage cashier was all like, “45 CENTS?” and I was like, “I know, right?” and she was like, “45 CENTS!” and then I was looking at her like, I KNOW I’m awesome, and she was looking at me like, You are the COOLEST thing I’ve ever seen!

I’m almost positive that’s what that look meant.


Maybe the teachers in Tennessee need a break.

In today’s Weird Teacher Watch, we learn how Lucia Carico’s distinguished teaching career was undone by a bout of flatulence. So say board members at the Hawkins County School District in Rogersville, Tennessee, where Carico had worked since 1973…
The lone black mark in her personnel file occurred on December 16 of last year, shortly before students at Pathways Alternative School commenced their Christmas break. It seems one seventh-grade student was persistently passing gas with vocal accompaniment in Carico’s class.

When the boy refused to stop, Carico blew a gasket — throwing a book across the room and stabbing the boy’s left arm seven times with a pen.

See, he was PASSING GAS, so she STABBED him. All I can say is, it’s a darn good thing my parents moved my brother to Georgia before he hit middle school.


Me: Did you get in trouble for being 30 minutes late for school today?

MoonPie: No, I told my teacher that it was all Daddy’s fault.

Me: What did she say?

MoonPie: She gave Daddy her mean face. You know that face you made when you found out we hadn’t done any of our homework? It was like that.

Me: What does my mean face look like?

Team India

In anticipation of our trip, now less than THREE WEEKS away, our team went out to eat Indian food. Three really nice guys from India met us there so we could ask questions about the culture, the food, the weather, etc.

Nice Indian Guy: Where you’re going should be relatively cool.

Me: It’s supposed to be between 95 and 110 degrees.

Nice Indian Guy: That IS cool.

I’m going to die.

Embarrassing Photo of the Week

Prom, 1982.  I have no idea why I look like that. Maybe it’s the haircut. How horrible is THAT? Believe it or not, there’s actually a boy standing next to me. A real date, cute, smiling, happy to be there and no relation to me! I’ve cut him out for obvious reasons. I certainly don’t want my old boyfriends finding this blog and leaving COMMENTS.

Like, “Where’s the money you owe me?” or “My mom STILL hates you.”

Holy Sunday

I’m still reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Here’s a passage I’m thinking on –

God’s definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love. In our culture, even if a pastor doesn’t actually love people, he can still be considered successful as long as he is a gifted speaker, makes his congregation laugh, or prays for “all those poor, suffering people in the world” every Sunday.

But Paul writes that even if “I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (1 Cor. 12:2-3) Wow. Those are strong and unmistakable words. According to God, we are here to love. Not much else really matters.

Show some love today.

Welcome New Reader

Cousin Brian has decided to crawl out of the woods, hook up this darn thing we call a computer, and get in touch with the rest of the world. And by world, I mean ME. He left a comment and as we all know, comments are a cry for attention. So let’s give him some!

Brian is “supposedly” a year younger than me. But I find that hard to believe. After all, I’m a vibrant young woman and he’s got to be in his 40’s! I’m guessing he was held back in school. I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out before.

My husband likes all of my relatives, but Brian is one of his top 3. I think it’s because Brian is conservative, country and crazy. Plus he likes guns.

The MoonPie saw this picture and asked, “Is your cousin, nuts?” I laughed and said, “Yes. But it’s not because he’s dressed like that. He was just throwing eggs at cars on Halloween.” You can’t fault a person for THAT.

Brian is quite the musician. He’s in a band and everything. Which explains why he has a cool wife. Those things don’t just happen, people!

I couldn’t find any pictures of me and Brian together which is odd. But come to think of it, I don’t remember him ever asking me or Ginger to hang out. What’s up with that, BRIAN? Just because you were held back, you didn’t have to get all weird around us. Geesh.

I saw him a few weeks ago at a funeral. He was handing out advice to some of the younger family members.

Brian: “Go to school and choose your destiny, or drop out and have it decided for you. I’m the Oracle.”

Brian’s sister, Lori: “That’s not the word I’d use.”

Sisters! Trust me Brian, I feel your PAIN.

Hey, look. It’s Lori!

Revenge is why I started this blog in the first place. You should totally get one.