The Unbearable Lightness of Being at my Mother’s.

On Monday, I left Atlanta with Moon and three of her friends for some Spring Break fun in Tennessee. We didn’t get to Zollicoffer until the afternoon, but the kids made the most of it, playing in the sand and on the swings, and generally running around like banshees. Pa grilled hamburgers and hotdogs, and everyone played till dark. Kid paradise, amiright?

While they were munching on Pa’s awesome burgers, my mom and I made some vegan-friendly black-bean burgers. Tania-the-Mad had passed on a new recipe and we thought we’d give it a try. Obviously the recipe was flawed because our mixture was more like soup than a pattie, and we ended up having to bake it like a casserole, cut out pieces and slap it on a bun. Delicious! At least I think it was. I might have been light-headed due to the fact that I was starving. A few weeks ago, most everyone in the family decided to go on a diet. My mom, Tania-the-Mad and I, after much research and deliberation which consisted of Tania watching one documentary, decided to go VEGAN. Since then, Mom has lost 14 pounds, almost twice as many as I have. Now I know why. She counts every little thing that goes in your mouth. Every time I reach for a second grape, she moves the bowl away. The other day I took the kids to the store, then worried the whole way home that I wouldn’t finish my Blow Pop before I got back and I’d have to leave it in the car, run in and brush my teeth, and hope she didn’t smell it on me. Hello, 1983, how have you been? Normally eating vegan is okay, but when Pa cooks ribs like he did on Tuesday night, ribs that Moon says “taste like a dream sitting on a rainbow”, it’s a little hard to be impressed with your pasta and avocado dish.

It’s not just the lack of food that’s made me hungry, it’s all the extra activity. Yesterday, the boys wanted to explore the mountain. For some reason, Moon wanted to stay home, but I grabbed a walking stick and off we went. You know how people say getting off the beaten track allows for more adventure? Those people are annoying and should be ignored. Getting off the beaten track allows for ticks, gnats, and multiple scratches from the blackberry bushes my parents are evidently cultivating. I felt like Dorie trying to navigate her way through the jellyfish. The boys were troopers, even though they were wearing shorts. And it didn’t dampen their enthusiasm when Pa got home and offered to take them on a ride on the Ranger. FYI, if you’re offered a ride across the mountain – wear pants. Also, sit in the front seat.

A lesson Dakota learned the hard way.

But the kids have enjoyed every minute – walking to the store and surviving the electric fence, wading in the stream and surviving the snake sighting, going to Dairy Queen and surviving the fact they couldn’t eat any because they had decided to go on this stupid vegan diet and their mother could smell dairy a mile a way. They’re survivors those kids.

Amazing how much they’ve learned from me in just a few days.