and I think it’s my zipper. I have been dieting for approximately 3,782 days and have lost almost zero pounds. I don’t know what the problem is – I eat whatever I want and do no exercise. What is it going to take?? The other day I was complaining to a friend that I really, REALLY wanted to be skinny.
She: You’re beautiful.
Me: That’s not skinny.
She: You’re not fat.
Me: I notice you didn’t say I was skinny.
She: Who wants to be skinny anyway?
Sigh. I know it’s annoying to hear someone constantly complain about their weight, but it could be worse. I could SHOW you how I look. Then you’d be sorry.
Are you secretly judging me because I’m squishy? Being judgemental is wrong. I know because the other day I saw this lady at a conference and she was wearing the most ridiculous shoes I’ve seen on a real live human being and I was thinking, ‘You clearly can’t be trusted with anything important”. I was wearing very sensible black shoes I’d obtained at a yard sale for a dollar, OBVIOUSLY, a wiser, more respectable choice.
Hers were kinda like this. And don’t be giving me grief and saying they’re cute. They are ridiculous. Of course I would have totally worn them back in the day. Back in the day when I was single.
Today is my wedding anniversary – 14 years. So to recap, I’m a heavy-set, old married woman who wears sensible shoes.
My husband is a lucky man. And by lucky, I mean despondent. Pray for him.