Do you know Chrissy Teigen? Well, she’s a super hot, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, so you might not run in the same circles. She’s married to John Legend and has a billion followers on Twitter, so basically my twin. Anyway, as if THAT wasn’t enough to keep her busy, she apparently likes to eat and blogs about food on her website, So Delushious.
One day, I was looking over her site for a possible Moron Test Kitchen, when I saw an amazing post about scallops. AMAZING. So I decided that I could not rest until I tried them. I was craving scallops for days, telling my husband that I could not wait to make them. Finally, I headed over to Publix to grab a few for dinner. I was thinking maybe five or fifteen each ought to do the trick. That’s when I discovered, and you might want to sit down for this, that scallops are TWENTY DOLLARS A POUND.
I almost cried in the grocery store. I called JD and told him to forget about getting out the fancy dishes, we were having CHICKEN.
Sometimes my life is so sad, amiright Kittens?
Because I’ve told that story about a hundred times, on a recent work trip, my boss INSISTED that I order the SCALLOP appetizer and the pasta with SCALLOPS entree. I ate myself into a wonderful, SCALLOP-induced coma. Then I woke up at 3 a.m. and threw up and I haven’t had SCALLOPS since.
Moral of the story: Never try to eat what super hot, swimsuit models eat. You know throwing up is part of their DNA.