Friday night I went to see The Help with the church ladies radigals. It was a great movie about racial tensions in Mississippi during the 60’s. Afterward I found myself deeply depressed. Not about the racial stuff, that got all worked out. I’m talking about something serious. Turns out that while I THOUGHT I had lucked out and got the matinee price, in reality, I’d been given a different discount. A SENIOR CITIZEN discount.
I know, right? How that pimply-faced moron behind the glass mistook a totally hip chick like me for 55+ is beyond me. And to make it worse, my friends who are VERY close in age to me, were charged full price! Ironically, one of them actually PEED HER PANTS when I told I’d been given a senior discount. Yeah, I’M the old one. Whatever.
But, just like the “help” in the movie who gathered their courage to overcome, I too have a plan. Of course, my problem is much harder, but I won’t let that stop me. That’s why today marks the beginning of:
Zolligirl’s 40 Days to Fabulous TM
That’s right. In 40 days, I’m going to be TOTALLY fabulous. Here’s the plan in case you want to follow along:
Goal 1. Lose 10 pounds. I wanted to do 40 pounds in 40 days but I thought that might be a little tough since I’m really hoping that exercise won’t get dragged into this. I’m going to do it by sticking to the Paleolithic Diet, where you eat only things that were around during the Paleolithic time period. No fast food, no chips, no sugar. Hey, I grew up in the Paleolithic period! This is going to be a snap.
Goal 2. Have a makeover. About twenty years ago, I went to visit the parents of a boyfriend during Christmas. As a gift, his mother took me to Marshall Field’s for a make-up intervention. She didn’t call it that, but we both knew the truth. The makeup lasted about as long as the relationship. So now I need a do-over. I’m looking for great makeup that won’t break the bank. I’m sure that will be easy to find. Those bottles are so little!
As I get to looking good, I’m going to work on a few other things too. Like keeping a cleaner house, spending more time with the family, being nicer, blah, blah, BLAH. For now, let’s just concentrate on the important thing – the OUTSIDE. Feel free to join me on this journey. In forty days I’ll be looking great and paying full-price as God intended. And my friend?
Oh, she’ll be investing in Depends. You can’t cure a weak bladder in forty days, I don’t care how hard you try.