Moron Test Kitchen – It’s Come to This

I’m on this crazy diet and it’s killing me! By “crazy”, I mean I’m supposed to eat cucumbers and tomatoes, 3 oz of grilled chicken and steamed broccoli. YUCK. Why couldn’t I have tried the cookie diet??? Anyway, for lunch – the menu calls for two boiled eggs. That’s IT. Two boiled eggs do not qualify for lunch! I’m pretty sure even a snake would eat two eggs and then call Dominoes. Ridiculous.

Yet. I have to do something, so here I go, dutifully boiling my two eggs only to find that the yolk is not fully cooked. The yolk is NEVER fully cooked. I don’t care if I boil them for 15 minutes, I still get uncooked yolk. And when you’re entire lunch is TWO eggs, you don’t really want to be throwing out any part of them. Did I mention that I get grumpy when I’m hungry?

So I searched online for How to Boil and Egg. They make it sounds so easy.

Place eggs in a pot and cover with cold water. They say this works for 1 egg or 18. We’ll see.

Bring to a boil for exactly THREE MINUTES. Hah. 3 minutes will NEVER work.

Turn off the heat and cover for exactly EIGHT minutes. Sure, sit there in that hot water, that’s going to work. I told you, I have BOILED eggs till the water dried out and the shells turned black. Nothing I do matters -the eggs are going to be runny.

They say if you let the egg cool in the fridge for a half hour it will peel easier. Whatever, I’m starving! Let’s get on with the big reveal –

Holy Moly, I’m a genius! These are perfect eggs! Wow, Moron Test Grade – A+. I’m feeling pretty smug right now. Who knows? I may move on to bigger and better things. Like eggs that are FRIED or maybe even an OMELET.