Hate Mail

Dear Zolligirl,

You are not bloated, or gassy, or suddenly experiencing pregnancy at your advanced age. ¬†You have not caught the stomach flu – that gurgling sound you hear is because you’ve eaten enough today to feed a small country. Your pants are not “shrinking” in the dryer. Please turn up the lights in your bathroom, look into the mirror and face reality.

You will thank us later.

SINCERELY,

The Universe

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