Bad News for the Husbands

My sister and I are going to live forever. I know this because of the commandment, “Honor your father and mother so that it will go well for you and you may live long on this earth.” My mother requires a lot of honoring.

This morning, Tania-the-mad called to tell me that she had recently been enlisted to go to the local pound and pick up a dog. Our mom had seen one on the Grundy website and deemed it perfect because it was a small Yorkie, and it didn’t like men, but especially that last one. Evidently, my dad has a way with animals and my mom is sick of him getting all of the love. So off to the pound my sister went and now she is the proud, temporary owner of a 6 year old Yorkie who, while he may not like men, LOVES anything else that stops long enough for him to hump. Mom is going there very soon to take him off Tania’s hands, and by “soon” I mean at least two weeks.

This AFTERNOON, I drove into town, found a spot to park, walked a half mile, and stood in line for 30 minutes so that I could be one of the first people in line at an estate sale. Then I spent the next 45 minutes calling mom and saying things like, “Do you want hatpins for 6 dollars? I don’t know if they’re pretty, they’re hat pins. Do you want a cigarette case for 4? A parasol for 15? A shawl for 6? A pipe for 4?” After I had purchased everything, I had to walk the 1/2 mile back to my car, then drive it to the house where I could park in the driveway for a nano second while I picked up the heavy things, then I got to sit in rush hour traffic all the way home. But Mom will be here very soon to take all of the things I purchased for her off my hands, right after she gets rested from her trip to Tania’s.

Through all of this, I’ve learned that Tania and I have made a very grave error. We each only have ONE daughter. What were we thinking?