American Idol’s Songs of the Cinema

Here come the judges! But first, a recap of the terribly shocking, most shocking elimination ever – Pia goes home. Shocking. Except probably to the puppet-master Jimmy Iovine who signs her right away to his record label. Then we’re treated to some fun with JLo, as she was recently named The World’s Most Beautiful Woman. She looks totally embarrassed by the attention. And by “embarrassed” I mean orchestrated the whole thing.

First up – Paul sings Old Time Rock n Roll. Why is Will. I. Am back? Let’s hope Gwen Stefani isn’t. Jimmy suggest he come out in his underwear. I think that’s the BEST idea I have heard in a long time. Unfortunately, he’s back in the Rose Bowl Parade suit. Stephen inquires of the sax player and compliments his suit, JLo says he’s getting more polished each week, and Randy says we’ve just witnessed the first number at the Paul McDonald concert. I love Paul but this just feels LAME. Like the kind of performer you book at the nursing home. He should have stuck with the underwear idea. Definite C-

Who’s up? Lauren says she’s doing a Miley Cyrus tune which provides the awesome moment where Jimmy Ioving tells her she sings BETTER than Miley. Don’t they have to get her permission to USE the song? Then they slam her? Excellent. This is followed by the advice to steal Pia’s votes. Man, those guys are sweet, kinda makes me wish I was in the music business. I love Lauren, but while she may have a better voice than Miley, she’s got about 10 percent of the personality. JLo says she needs to push further, Randy says she’s roaring back and Stephen says he’s moved beyond tears. I’ve moved beyond Stephen.  Good, not great to me, but she looks gorgeous. Solid B.

Stefano is singing a Boys to Men tune from Boomerang. Hope that doesn’t come back to hurt him. Get it? Come back? There’s a reason there’s no advertisements on this blog. Randy says he slayed it, Stephen says he really knows how to milk a song, and JLo says he obviously followed her awesome advice and it was great. I think he’s got the same problem Pia had, totally devoid of charisma. I give him a B.

Next up, Scotty. He says he wants to go BACK to his country roots. Yeah, cause I’ve totally been confusing him with the rocker dude lately. So a George Strait song? I like the song, I like the movie, but Scotty’s version – sucks by comparison. Stephen says it’s great, JLo says it’s great, Randy mixes it up and says, “Dude, it’s great.” Do these judges ever listen to any GOOD music? Blah, blah, blah a solid C.

Casey brings the bass and does Nat King Cole despite Jimmy Iovine IMPLORING him not to. Why do they even have a mentor? Right away, I’m thinking it’s a bit creepy. And weird. Here’s a shock – the judges LOVE it. JLo hopes we get it, Randy says he loves how “educational” this season is, Stephen says his mama used to sing that song to him as a child. It explains so much. Obviously I’m not sophisticated enough to get it. Hated it.  C-

Haley sings Blondie. Is it me or is that dress really short? If I’m distracted wondering if she’s going to accidentally show us the fine china, how are MEN watching this? Randy says he didn’t love it, Stephen agrees with Randy then makes a creepy comment about looking up her “address”, and JLo says it wasn’t the best. I actually LIKE it. Either they are crazy or I am, and my money is on the three with easy access to barbiturates. B+

After a strange shot of Rob Reiner sitting next to Elvira, we move on to Jacob. Jimmy gives him a slap down about last week’s preaching to the viewers. “People don’t want to be preached to.” It’s true. I just go to church for the free coffee. Right away W.I.A and Jimmy hate the song he’s chosen and talk him into singing Bridge Over Troubled Water. First impression – FINALLY.  A subdued Jacob is much better than a crazed, here-I-sing-low, here-I-scream-loud Jacob. I think it’s his best performance in a very, very, long time. Stephen is bleeped out which is the highlight of my night, MORE please, JLo says he’s a gifted vocalist, and Randy loves that he took his time with it and that it was perfect. It had oomph to it – Best so far. Solid A.

Now a little something from James. He wants to do Sammy Hagar which Jimmy hates. That makes all of us. The most entertaining part of this is watching the contestants blow off Jimmy Iovine. James wants to showcase Metal which includes having some scary, looking dude on guitar that I won’t feel bad about not knowing no matter how awesome they say he is. Still wouldn’t open my door if he were outside needing directions. Where was I? Metal never has, nor ever will, be my thing. JLo says it felt real, Randy says we were all at a a Durbin concert, and Stephen says it was outstanding. I think it was great Metal, if you like that sort of thing. A-.

Okay, now it’s your turn. What did you think? Who’s going home tomorrow? I say Casey is in trouble again. Until tomorrow –

Lisa. I. Be.