I’m not going to say I’m the best mom in the world, but I’ve got to be in the top three. For instance, this morning, Moon was in the bed with me since JD was out of town, and instead of getting her up, I pulled all of the curtains really tight and let her sleep in. I even put the fan on high and put it on her side of the bed. As if that wasn’t enough, while I was waiting for her to stir, I made BACON. After her Highness awoke, we read four chapters of her non-fiction/summer reading list book together, then I set up the paints so she could have a lovely morning creating art.

She called this, “A Day at the Lake”. I have to say it’s one of my favorites. Moon had so much fun she didn’t even look at her computer or tablet until almost three!

My day was not as pleasant. I called JD to tell him that the pool looked a little green around the gills and he told me to fix it. Uh, wasn’t that why I called YOU? Geez, men. Anyway, turns out all I had to do was turn the pool pump on. Except that the pool was low on water and I needed to fill it first. Which would have been great except that the spigot at the pool didn’t work so I had to turn on the MAIN spigot. Which was here:

Down the weedy knoll, through the small door underneath the house. What could be under there besides deer, coyote, rabbits, groundhogs, rats and snakes? I made as much noise as possible going in, so I was pretty confident I’d be safe. Then again, I get all my information from network television.

I decided to make it even more interesting by stripping down and doing my own version of Naked & Afraid.  It was especially entertaining when I came skipping up the hill and almost ran smack into a huge spider web.

Trust me, it’s huge.

After all that, I swept and skimmed the pool, cleaned the screened-in porch, made Moon dinner, read another two chapters about Jane Goodall, played the game of Life, and finished all my day duties.

Now I’m doing a little reality show I like to call:

Barefoot and Booze.

Friday? I have no idea. Oh, yeah, I took Moon to get an eye exam and some new glasses and it was awesome because who needs to pay the mortgage anyway? Then we went shopping for a few things for school because what are they going to do, send us to the poor house? I had to get her TWO pairs of glasses because the ones she picked out were purple. PURPLE, with swirly things on the side. I felt like she needed an alternative.

Saturday morning started with a scary encounter with a door-to door salesman that turned out to be a sweet, Baylor student selling the equivalent of Encyclopedia’s, but I still made her sit on the porch and give her sales pitch cause killers don’t always look like killers. Also, she wanted $660.00 dollars for what Google provides for free.

AmmoGuy brought baby Allison over for a little bit and I used my time to explain how I was the cool one in the family and that she should just ignore Tania-the-Mad’s attempts to bond as they will only lead to disappointment and toe-pinches. Then I took pictures.

She’s kinda cute.

Saturday afternoon, I took Moon and her BFF to bridge lessons. I sat at a table with the teacher and two other kids, while Moon and J played with another pair of girls. All was going well until I heard J yell, “You’re cheating. That’s cheating. You’re a CHEATER!” That was followed by kids claiming that it “wasn’t a tournament”, and Moon saying, “We’re supposed to PLAY like it’s a tournament!” I think that you can see I’ve done a fine job teaching them the basics.

The teacher decided to give them all a break, and when they came back, she explained that we’d switch up the tables so they could separate. “NO!” said 4 voices in unison. Girls. What are you going do?

Sunday, my friend Kat came over for dinner and while we sat on the couch and talked, my favorite show came on – Naked and Afraid! Kat doesn’t have television and was aghast at the show.

Which is why she only watched one and half episodes and had me text her the rest of the details.

So, what did YOU do?

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a delete button on the back of our heads that we could push and erase the last 5 minutes of life? I guess it’s just me, but that’s what happens when you accidentally hit a link and find yourself seeing photos that NO ONE wants to see. Ever. I had a totally legitimate reason to Google hot, military men, and I did NOT need those visuals stuck in my head for eternity. Ewww. DELETE.

It was for a book, not that anyone cares.

While I’m deleting that particular item, I’d also go ahead and get rid of the rat frolicking on the lawn image.  I was barreling up the drive and had to stop for a rat, a rat with a tail twice its body length. Later, JD called us in to the bedroom to look out the window. He saw a baby fawn, beautiful with little spots on its back. He get’s Bambi, and I get Ben. DELETE.

The delete button could also be used for when you see GOOD stuff that you wish you’d missed. Like the photos of a friend on Facebook who even though she is your age, somehow manages to look 10 years younger and 30 pounds lighter. As far as I could tell, what with her standing on the deck of her fancy boat and all. DELETE.

Aww, NOW this is living. No gross photos, no rodents, no comparative Facebook stalking.

If I could just figure out a way to delete 1983 – 1996, I’d REALLY be happy.