Kittens, I’m leaving for INDIA on Tuesday. INDIA. Normally I’d be freaking out at the prospect of flying for two days and landing in a far away country half-way around the world from my family, but I’m way too exhausted. There’s been a lot to get done. Friday I ran a few errands:

1. Moon’s school

2. Staples

3. Walgreens

4. Work (2 hour meeting!)

5. Macy’s

6. Sports Authority

7. Goodwill

8. Publix

9. Moon’s school

10. Bank

11. Staples

12. Back to Staples

13. Walmart

14. Bojangles (19 minutes wait on chicken)

15. KFC

Yeah, it was like that. Saturday was not quite as bad. I cleaned house a little, then took Moon to her 2nd tennis match of the season. Kittens, this may come as a surprise to you, but I may be too competitive to watch my daughter play sports. Because the girls still don’t know the basic rules of the game, I sat in as a “monitor”, along with a mom from the opposing team. We weren’t allowed to make line calls, just help them to know the score, which side to serve from, etc. So when her daughter called a ball OUT that was so clearly IN, I had to sit quietly and say nothing. Well, nothing except to whisper, “Yeah, that ball was totally in.” Cause it WAS. Luckily we won the match so I didn’t have to throw a racket or bite off anyone’s ear.

Saturday evening we watched AmmoGuy’s baby while he went out and partied down with his wife, drinking and getting wild, and doing all kinds of debauchery related to an “anniversary”.  At least that’s what I posted on Facebook. Hey, if I’m going to be known as “Tardy Tyre”, they might as well get some bad press too.

I told you, I’m competitive. Speaking of which –

Not that I do it for the glory. OK, I do it for the glory.

Sunday we went to church, then out to lunch, then I came home and collapsed.

India is going to be a breeze. All I’m going to need is a bed.

I used to spend the night with my grandmother, and while I loved HER, I didn’t love sleeping by myself. One of my favorite memories is of her laying in bed with me, telling me bedtime stories. Which is why, after you see what I’m watching, you can blame her.

I loved the fairytale classics like Snow White and Rumpelstiltskin and she knew them all.

She knew all of the Grimm Brother tales, too.

Well, that explains why I never wanted to sleep by myself.

Team Tyre received a letter last week addressed to The Parents of Moon Pie. Since it was from her school, I naturally assumed it was an apology for her 3rd place finish in the Science Fair. Surely they’d realized the error of their ways and were sending us a blue ribbon! If not that, then maybe a congratulations for doing so well in the PTSA Reflections competition, or, I know, maybe notification that we need to come to school for an award ceremony like last year when she won the Frey Award. Turns out, I was wrong. WAY wrong.

Seems MoonPie has been “tardy at least 10 times this year. Attendance is very important. Blah, Blah, Blah, and if a student is absent 15 times a SOCIAL WORKER WILL BE CALLED.”

Yeah, you read that right. I called the school today to read them the riot act. And by “read them the riot act”, I mean blame JD. I also wanted to know if they consider a TARDY to be the same as ABSENT, since I plan on taking Moon to Alaska for a couple of days in May. The nice woman in the office assured me that they were different and that Moon had only been absent a couple of days, so going out of town should be fine. Then she read our file and informed me that Moon had actually accumulated SIXTEEN tardies. And by the way, at 20, a SOCIAL WORKER WILL BE CALLED. Oh, and all of this is going in her PERMANENT RECORD.

Kittens, this is like Nazi Germany, amiright? Who calls a social worker cause a kid is late? And, in our defense, only a little late. The office acknowledged that most of the tardies were in the 1 to 5 minute range. And, I’d like to add, that we’ve been in school 8 months, so 16 tardies is only 2 per month. And with approximately 20 days of school each month, 2 is only 10%, which means we’re on time 90% of the time! Which in my book is worth an award, not censure, amiright? Of course I am!

Geez. Rest assured Kittens, we have learned our lesson. We won’t be late anymore. If we’re running behind, we’ll just skip the whole darn thing. We’ve got at least 13 absences left, no sense in wasting them.

Moon’s permanent record is going to make for interesting reading by the time she graduates.

Wow, what a difference a week can make. Not only did my horse win by a nose in the GOP race, but my partner and I kicked tail at cards! It’s a good night of bridge when you don’t want anyone to get choke on a lozenge. Not that I’d ever want anyone to DIE, just maybe need the Heimlich maneuver and crack a rib and have to leave by a non-emergency ambulance.

Am I going to have to block my daughter from ever reading this site? Probably.

Let’s face it, winning feels awesome. Losing, not so much. Wow, that’s way better than that tired “Thrill of victory, agony of defeat” slogan.  You can’t explain it to people who aren’t competitive. Moon is going to find out on Saturday when she has her first tennis match! I’m hoping she wins , of course, but it is her very first match ever. It will be great just to see her on the court and see how she handles herself. “Helen” will be playing, and while I’d like to believe she’ll be tactful, I’m sure she will let Moon know what she did well and what she should have done differently.

I’m bringing the lozenges just in case.

I went to a church type thing Monday night where we watched a DVD about living on the edge. Not the good kind of edge, but the “My life’s so crazy, if anything goes wrong I have no room for error” kind. At least I think that’s what it was about. I was too busy thinking about all the things I had to get done to pay attention. It’s how we roll.

Take this morning for instance. As I was packing Moon for school, I remembered that she has a Science Fair project due at some point in the near future. She’s decided to answer the age-old question, “What Sweeteners are Sweetest?” Our idea was to have three half-gallons of lemonade, sweetened with sugar, Truvia, and agave, and then do a blind taste test to see which one respondents preferred. Her teacher had said Moon could bring samples for the class on Monday, but we’d forgotten. Oh, well. She could do it some other time. Just let me check the date of the Science Fair. TOMORROW? Really? Great. Oh, well. We’d just send Moon to school, then we’d gather all of the materials and bring it to her a little later. What? Today’s the field trip and the class will be gone by 9:15?  And it’s now 7:30 a.m.? REALLY?

Yes, really. Which is why Moon and JD raced to WalMart and bought all of the supplies while I created and printed questionnaires. We managed to get it all together in time for Moon to take to school AND still get to go on the field trip.

After school, we made graphs, bullet points, pie charts, hypothesis – you know, science stuff. The display board was looking pretty good, and I was going to take a picture to show you, but then I looked at the rules online and found out they wanted the measurements in METRIC. Who uses that crap? So we had to tear it apart.

Luckily, I’d also neglected to read that it’s actually not due until Wednesday. See, we have plenty of time. You don’t need a margin for error when you’re as organized as I am. Watch and learn, people.