The haters have won – no chickens for now. This means I won’t have poultry to blog about. Well, my life is exciting enough without it. Take today for instance. There I was at the bridge table and I pick up this:
S: A K Q x x
H: K J x x
D: K x x
So I COULD open 1 spade, but I chose to open 2 clubs. Then my partner said 2 hearts and I said 4 no-trump, which she answered with 5 diamonds, so I bid 6 hearts which makes, of course. We were missing the ace of trump, but everything else was ours. Three out of six people were in the same contract, so it wasn’t a big deal. Now the hand where we bid 6 CLUBS, and were the only ones who found it, now THAT was a big deal.
I hope this post was especially pleasing to those of you who voted NO on the chickens. There’s plenty more where this came from.
Chicken POOP. That’s what you haters are getting if you vote down my chicken coop! Seriously, what is wrong with you people? Did you not read the part where I said I wanted chickens? I’m leaving the poll up one more day, and after that – it’s getting SERIOUS! Don’t I support YOU and your crazy ideas??? Did I say NO when Tania-the-Mad had a duck AND a rabbit at her house? Did I tell my brother NO when he bought a motorcycle? Did I tell my mother NO when she purchased low-waisted jeans?
Do you really think [this] is the worst idea I can come up with? You are SO lucky I had to disable the stats feature and thus have no idea who voted which way. But I have an idea of the culprits. And most of them share my DNA.
Tania the Mad: I was getting ready to update my status but I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t aggravate you.
Me: What to?
TtM: My sister is a poopie-head.
Me: What would bother me about THAT?
MoonPie: I don’t think my friend is very popular.
Me: Really? I find that surprising.
MP: Well, SHE is, but I’m not.
Me: Uh…do you know what popular means?
MP: I’ve got no idea.
(At MP’s school, looking at the artwork)
JD: I think I could pretty much prove that aliens don’t have just one eye.
Me: No, you couldn’t.
JD: Yes I could. It makes no sense from an evolutionary standpoint.
Me: Oh, well here’s the problem. I don’t think that’s his EYE.
1. My daughter has frozen shoes. I read that putting them in the freezer will kill the “stinky”. We should all pray that this is true.
2. Jennifer Grey is in incredible shape. Seriously, that woman is FIFTY. I still think the nose job was a mistake, but the is rocking the DWTS outfits.
3. I find some of your Facebook status updates annoying. Well, not YOURS, but a great number. I don’t know why, except that I’m shallow and easily annoyed.
4. The “ice-breaker” at church was “If you could be famous for being a genius, or for being good looking, which would you choose?’ Go with the genius one, because the other can be a curse. Sigh.
5. I used to think I was laid-back. Now I think I’m too uptight. I don’t know myself at all. Or do I? I’m so confused.
6. If my daughter would learn to play bridge, I’d home-school again. I’m pretty sure we could do the 4th grade in a few weeks. It’s just review, right?
7. I heard a TV anchor say that Prince William’s new fiancee is from a middle-class family. Then I read that her parents are millionaires. Just how rich are people in England?
8. I’m watching Enrique Iglesias perform a song and it’s hard for me to even classify it as “music”.
9. I’m officially uncool.
10. Perhaps blogging while watching Dancing With The Stars is a bad idea.
Sarah Palin’s Alaska garnered the highest premier EVER on TLC with 5 million viewers. I figure my life is worth at least 2.5. Cue the music!
My morning started at 6 a.m. because the MoonPie has learned the art of the alarm clock. Well, “art” may be too strong a word. She wakes up, then yells “MAMAMAMAMAMA” until I go and get in the bed with her. Since I couldn’t see how to turn off the alarm, I just turned the volume all the way down and hit snooze. Surprise! I had turned it all the way UP. How funny is that? Time for a commercial break.
Now it’s time to see me at work in my office. Like Sarah, I tend to dress down. Unlike Sarah, I don’t have an awesome view of the Alaskan landscape. My office is in the basement where I have my choice of looking at a grey wall, or the neighbors carport. Man, my neighbors keep things clean over there. Who DECORATES their garage?
Works done, lets go climb a mountain! Nah, that’s too obvious. Plus, last time I almost puked. Let’s go play bridge! I wonder if there’s an episode where Sarah finds out that the women she hangs with are really back-stabbing, mojo-stealers?
See, in a few weeks I’ll be going to a rental cabin with the bridge ladies. For the past NINE years, I’ve worn one thing on Day 1. A totally, awesome orange, velour suit.
But a few weeks ago, Positive Patty said I should put it in the Yard Sale pile. Then today I went looking for it only to find it MISSING. Carolyn claims she’s taken it and she’s not giving it back. And Mother suggested I wear her PINK suit instead. Do they REALLY think they can steal my mojo that easily? Don’t they realize that I have a back-up plan?
That’s right, the bridge SWEATER. Will I win? Will they give me back my suit? Will our friendship conquer the drama of bridge? You’ll have to tune in next week. Roll the credits!
If this fails, I’m up for Real Housewives of Acworth. Or maybe Woman vs. Food. I’m pretty sure I could do that.
My blog has taken on a new look so that I could add a poll. Don’t worry, it’s only until I get the results I want.
While in Zollicoffer, I found out that the land upon which I sit RIGHT NOW, is a little bit over an acre. An ACRE, that magical unit of land measurement that allows me to have chickens in my county. Chickens, goats, donkeys, a cow, wild mustangs, the list is endless. This entire time, JD has led me to believe we weren’t ALLOWED to have chickens. I see how it is. When I want farm animals he estimates our property at about 3/4 acre. When it’s time to mow, he estimates it at about Texas.
So, chickens and fresh eggs and teaching MoonPie about livestock? Or Walmart and their white blobs of goo?
The poll is for you to help me decide. I have no opinion on the matter.
This has been making it’s way around Facebook. I think it’s an awesome message. Take a listen.
Let’s get reacquainted!
You may want to get out the kleenex.
I played bridge today with my dear friend Patty. We knew it was going to be a risky proposition – we haven’t played duplicate together in a long time. In fact, Patty hasn’t played in about a YEAR! I know, right? So we played and just like we figured, we couldn’t seem to get a bid correct to save our lives. Every time I opened the score sheet to write down our results, we were on the bottom. Such was our day, that we both left without even CHECKING. Trust me, I’m an optimist, and usually stand at the computer waiting for the results.
Anyway, the whole way home, I was thinking about how much I like my partner, and who cares if we lost? It’s the FUN, the friendship that matters most. It was a nice day and we met a lot of nice people.
Then I got home and found that somehow we managed to WIN. We came in 2nd in C! Suck on THAT, losers.
Moral of the story – don’t give up! 1 spade doubled may turn out to be your best friend.
MoonPie has Market Day at school today. The kids earn “money” every day at school. They get 5 bucks for good behavior, extra dollars when they do something special, get money taken AWAY when they do something bad, and they have jobs every day where they earn a salary. They actually had to fill out an application for the specific job they wanted and some pay more than others. I’m glad she’s learning about all this SOMEWHERE.
Market Day is where they can spend all of the cash they’ve earned so far on things like pencils, school items, etc. But in addition to shopping, they can also SELL stuff. The kids were encouraged to come up with an item, price it, advertise it, and bring it to sell, all to teach them something called “en-tre-pre-neur-ship.” Normally I’d blow it off and teach her something called “op-tion-al” but it was for a social studies grade and I have no idea if we need the extra credit or not, so we decided to go for it. And by “go-for-it” I mean make a big mess and rethink the whole “good grades” concept.
MoonPie decided to sell what we’re calling, LOVE ON A STICK. Our first idea was Sticky Goo for You but it was vetoed early. It’s caramel apples.
Publix sells kits – 5 caramel circles and 5 sticks.
Then you stretch the caramel around the apple. I’m SURE she washed her hands. And didn’t cough or sneeze. Would I use all caps if I wasn’t SURE?
We put a stick in each one, then put them in the over at 200 degrees for 5 minutes.
Then we rolled them in sprinkles, chocolate chips and/or chocolate cereal flakes. That’s when we realized that 200 degrees wasn’t really making the caramel hot and none of the awesome toppings were really sticking. So we mashed them in with our hands. Hey, none of you are going to BE at Market Day are you?
Love on a Stick! This can be yours for the bargain price of five dollars! I wonder if they give extra credit for learning a little thing called ”un-sold in-ven-tory”.