My brother, AmmoGuy, said I could blog the pumpkin carving but he claimed Halloween rights. Except that I was too tired to post anything about the carving, and he forgot to take his camera along for the trick-or-treating. SO I’m blogging about Halloween, take that AmmoGuy, HAHAHAH, you LOSE. We lead full and exciting lives.

AmmoGuy preparing for the festivities. He’s very excited on the INSIDE.

MoonPie and Rimfire are spoiled. When I was growing up, we went to three houses, scored two bags of m&m’s and an apple, and called it a night. THEY had their own personal, two-hour hayride.

Rimfire is a geisha, and she LOVED the hair and makeup. Whatever, you’re getting free CANDY, let us get something out of the deal. And by “something”, I mean pictures with which to embarrass you when you’re older. Moonpie is a cat. Her first choice was a Fire-lord from the Avatar, disguised as a Keoshi Warrior. Exactly. You would have been digging out the leopard print dress too. JD actually made the ears. I gave him a piece of brown cloth, a headband, and a sewing kit – a few hours later, voila! He’s always doing stuff like that to make me look bad. Cooking, and sewing, and cleaning. Geesh! Why I put up with him, I’ll never know.

Afterward, they divided up the candy, with AmmoGuy giving a lesson on taxation by taking a few choice pieces for himself. And then everyone went home and showered because they smelled like gasoline fumes. The End.

I love a heart-warming holiday story, don’t you?

which is why my blog has gone from creative posts about vodka and the increasing size of my butt, to Birthdays, Birthdays, Birthdays! She has THREE important people with special days in October. NOT that they aren’t special to me, but this is the 5th birthday post this month! And today’s shout-out is only ONE. ONE year old.

Awww. Sure she’s CUTE, but if I wanted to write about cute people, I’d just post my picture all day. Ka-Pow!  Birthday Shout-outs were designed for a little light-hearted ribbing. You can’t make fun of a ONE YEAR OLD, for goodness sake.

Ha, Ha, look at the BABY, can’t keep her eyes open in the bath! See, it just doesn’t WORK.

Not to mention you’d have to face Tania-the-Mad, Matthan-the-Madman, Teresa-the-Terrible and Philip the Philistine! (Whatever. It was the best I could do.)  Dads and Grandparents don’t play.

Does this look like the face of a man who’d let you forget his daughter’s first birthday?

Seriously. My sister looks drunk with granniness. They are having a big party this weekend, where EVERYONE must wear a costume. I’m happy for little Mattie. I hope she has a GREAT birthday. And I won’t post any bad pictures or snarky comments about a one year old. I have my standards. But be warned.

TWO is a whole new ball game.

Moon is preparing for her very first horse show. It’s a little bit of a sore subject since it’s falls on the same date as my mother’s annual, vintage fashion show. 13 years and the first one I’m going to miss. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that instead of my usual role of MC, I’d been regulated to bagging merchandise. I’m totally over it. Silly, old bags. I’m speaking of the purses, of course.

Back to the Moon and her show. She’s got new clothes, and she’s been practicing her little heart out. I’m really excited for her. I’m a great mom. There’s no way I’m going to TELL her she’s in the show, then suddenly say NO, instead giving her the menial task of cleaning stalls or brushing down the horses. That would be cruel.

But if I DID, you’d know where I learned it.

How about a Birthday Shout-out? Awesome Alex is 15 today. Whoo HOO! I’d like to take a moment and acknowledge that I’m the worst, birthday-card sender in the world. WHY I began doing birthday shout-outs is beyond me…I almost always forget them. And even when I do remember, I can never get a gift in the mail on time. Oh, maybe THAT’s why the Birthday Shout-out began. Cause this is WAY better than money, anyway. Right?

Okay, the card is in the mail. Now…about Alex.

Isn’t the pretty?  She’s also smart, and kind, and thoughtful. I know what you’re thinking – “Wow, just like Zolligirl!”. Believe it or not, she’s related on JD’s side. But the resemblance IS uncanny.

A teenager. Time flies by, doesn’t it? When I first met Alex, she was just a baby, crawling around and doing her own thing. I remember being struck by how happy she was, going her own way, far from the crowd. She was a very DEEP baby. Or she might have been looking for a bean under the couch; she was a BABY, how should I know what she was thinking??

No, I’m sure she was seeking alone time to contemplate some greater truth. Cause that’s the way she is. Alex visits every summer with her sister, Nolan, and she can go from “high school boys” to the” meaning of life”  in a second. The fact that I know almost nothing about either subject doesn’t seem to bother her.

She is a talented singer, a great volleyball player, a WICKED fanatic, a Christian role model, and an all-around good kid. And because she has lived so much of her life FIVE hours away, I’ve almost NO embarrassing photos of her.

Almost.

Happy Birthday, ALEX! We love you!

Aunt Z, Uncle JD, and the Moon.

I go here and think, “that looks really GOOD.” I think the Moron Test Kitchen could really get behind some of these recipes.

Today my nephew turns 20. Did you know I have a nephew? Meet Joseph.

Awwww. Cute, huh? You know the saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease?

Can you spot the squeaky wheel?

“You’re a very silly pirate. That marker is permanent!  Muh ha ha.”

Sigh. It must be tough being the youngest. How did this poor, sweet child MAKE it to 20? Did I mention he was sweet?

He’s been blessed with a good nature. Which leads you to overlook the fact that he has a mischievous streak. In fact, saying he has a “streak” is like saying Arizona has a “hole”. You know, as in the  Grand Canyon? My family is not big on travel. Like the time he showed us a blister and said he was bitten by a spider. Just as we were about to take him to the hospital he remembered that he MIGHT have touched a light bulb.

Who could be mad at that face?

Ummm. Yeah, masks are not a good idea. It reminds me of the time he and his friends found a hundred dollar bill on his dad’s dresser and decided to take it to the store so they could split it 3 ways. He was only 8 or 9. Still, I admit it was not the right thing to do. He probably should have been punished.

Awwww. What was I saying? I can’t remember.

Oh yeah, like that time he found his friends spray painting…

Never mind. This could go on all night.

Happy Birthday, Joseph! I love you!