Yesterday, I drove MoonPie to horseback riding. We haven’t been going very consistently due to the heat, and a somewhat diminished level of interest. So it’s been a while since we’ve made the winding drive out to the barn. About half way there she started complaining that she didn’t feel so good. Maybe she needed a Coke. Only I didn’t have a Coke and the last time we had a similar conversation, it ended with Moon throwing up into a Disney blanket.
I looked at her in the rear view mirror.
“You don’t look so good.”
Moon: “Can I see?”
Me, turning the mirror so she can look at herself.
Moon: “Yep, that’s my puking face.”
Awesome. Luckily, I had a beach towel in the car, which she put in her lap for the duration of the ride. Also, she didn’t puke.
That Disney blanket is still gross.
Me: “I was watching this show where this woman had dementia so her husband put her in a retirement home and she started an affair with another patient. They both had dementia, so do you think that’s okay?
JD: Who are you and why are you on my spaceship?
Tania the Mad: I was getting ready to update my status but I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t aggravate you.
Me: What to?
TtM: My sister is a poopie-head.
Me: What would bother me about THAT?
MoonPie: I don’t think my friend is very popular.
Me: Really? I find that surprising.
MP: Well, SHE is, but I’m not.
Me: Uh…do you know what popular means?
MP: I’ve got no idea.
(At MP’s school, looking at the artwork)
JD: I think I could pretty much prove that aliens don’t have just one eye.
Me: No, you couldn’t.
JD: Yes I could. It makes no sense from an evolutionary standpoint.
Me: Oh, well here’s the problem. I don’t think that’s his EYE.
MoonPie: “She’s so pretty. She looks like Miss RimFire.”
Me: “You think she does?”
MoonPie, (whispering): “She really looks like AmmoGuy, but I don’t want to make her cry
MoonPie: God DID give me a spirit of fear.
Me: No, God did NOT give you a spirit of fear.
MoonPie: Then why did he create lions in the first place?
Me: MoonPie’s teacher seemed nice.
JD: I’m starting to freak out about public school.
JD: I know private school had cliques, but they were small. There are probably GANGS of kids in public school!
Me: Dude, she’s in 3rd grade. I’m pretty sure the only gangs allowed are Brownies.
Me: Am I your favorite girl?
Me: Am I your best friend?
MoonPie: The BEST!
Me: Am I your favorite parent?
Love is difficult to explain.
Cousin RimFire: You don’t get to pick who we’re going to marry. WE get to pick who we marry.
Me: But I’d pick someone great for you based on faith, intelligence and personality. You’d just pick the first boy that stole your heart.
Cousin RimFire: Ewww. Why would I want someone who stole my heart?
MoonPie: Mom? Why aren’t you answering me?
MoonPie: MOM? WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME?
Me: Huh? What?
MoonPie: Why aren’t you answering me?
Me: Does the fact that I’m lying horizontally in a bed with my eyes closed give you a clue?
For a homeschooled kid, she can be awfully unobservant.
On my back porch, early morning:
JD: You look beautiful this morning.
Me: I’m SURE I do.
JD: No really, I wish I had my camera.
Me: So, go get it. I want to see just how lovely I look.
JD: Seriously? Ok, wait here.
(Goes to get camera. Shoots several pictures.)
Me: OK, let me see them.
JD: You mean now? But they haven’t been processed.
Me: ”PROCESSED”? You mean like Photoshop? I thought you said I looked BEAUTIFUL.
JD: Well, you know. I look at the whole picture.