Yesterday, I drove MoonPie to horseback riding. We haven’t been going very consistently due to the heat, and a somewhat diminished level of interest. So it’s been a while since we’ve made the winding drive out to the barn. About half way there she started complaining that she didn’t feel so good. Maybe she needed a Coke. Only I didn’t have a Coke and the last time we had a similar conversation, it ended with Moon throwing up into a Disney blanket.

I looked at her in the rear view mirror.

“You don’t look so good.”

Moon: “Can I see?”

Me, turning the mirror so she can look at herself.

Moon: “Yep, that’s my puking face.”

Awesome. Luckily, I had a beach towel in the car, which she put in her lap for the duration of the ride. Also, she didn’t puke.

That Disney blanket is still gross.

Me: “I was watching this show where this woman had dementia so her husband put her in a retirement home and she started an affair with another patient. They both had dementia, so do you think that’s okay?

JD: Who are you and why are you on my spaceship?

#1

Me: Hello?

Tania the Mad: I was getting ready to update my status but I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t aggravate you.

Me: What to?

TtM: My sister is a poopie-head.

Me: What would bother me about THAT?

#2

MoonPie: I don’t think my friend is very popular.

Me: Really? I find that surprising.

MP: Well, SHE is, but I’m not.

Me: Uh…do you know what popular means?

MP: I’ve got no idea.

#3

(At MP’s school, looking at the artwork)

JD: I think I could pretty much prove that aliens don’t have just one eye.

Me: No, you couldn’t.

JD: Yes I could. It makes no sense from an evolutionary standpoint.

Me: Oh, well here’s the problem. I don’t think that’s his EYE.

MoonPie: “She’s so pretty. She looks like Miss RimFire.”

Me: “You think she does?”

MoonPie, (whispering): “She really looks like AmmoGuy, but I don’t want to make her cry

MoonPie: God DID give me a spirit of fear.

Me: No, God did NOT give you a spirit of fear.

MoonPie: Then why did he create lions in the first place?

Me: MoonPie’s teacher seemed nice.

JD: I’m starting to freak out about public school.

Me: WHY?

JD: I know private school had cliques, but they were small. There are probably GANGS of kids in public school!

Me: Dude, she’s in 3rd grade. I’m pretty sure the only gangs allowed are Brownies.

Me: Am I your favorite girl?

MoonPie: Yes!

Me: Am I your best friend?

MoonPie: The BEST!

Me: Am I your favorite parent?

MoonPie: Almost.

Love is difficult to explain.

Cousin RimFire: You don’t get to pick who we’re going to marry. WE get to pick who we marry.

Me: But I’d pick someone great for you based on faith, intelligence and personality. You’d just pick the first boy that stole your heart.

Cousin RimFire: Ewww. Why would I want someone who stole my heart?

MoonPie: Mom? Why aren’t you answering me?

MoonPie: MOM? WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME?

MoonPie: MOM!

Me: Huh? What?

MoonPie: Why aren’t you answering me?

Me: Does the fact that I’m lying horizontally in a bed with my eyes closed give you a clue?

For a homeschooled kid, she can be awfully unobservant.

On my back porch, early morning:

JD: You look beautiful this morning.

Me: I’m SURE I do.

JD: No really, I wish I had my camera.

Me: So, go get it. I want to see just how lovely I look.

JD: Seriously?  Ok, wait here.

(Goes to get camera. Shoots several pictures.)

Me: OK, let me see them.

JD: You mean now? But they haven’t been processed.

Me:  ”PROCESSED”? You mean like Photoshop? I thought you said I looked BEAUTIFUL.

JD: Well, you know. I look at the whole picture.