Say you wake up fat, and with an appointment to see your FEMALE doctor. Normally, this would be bad enough, but you want to make it worse.
1) First, stop at Subway for a lettuce salad with a side of lettuce. While you’re there, go to the restroom and open the door to find a crazy, homeless man using the bathroom. Stand there flabbergasted while he tells you “It’s fine, come on in.” Go get in the end of the line so he can come out and stand right behind you, mumbling and asking you if the food is free today.
2) Leave Subway and stop by the local retirement community. Stop and chat with an elderly man, notice he’s gotten thinner. Laugh when he says that he eats and eats and doesn’t gain weight. Tell him you have the opposite problem. Listen as he tells you, “Yes, you’ve gained a pound or two.”
3) Head to your doctor’s appointment. Get weighed and realize that while your scale at home told you that you’re the fattest you’ve ever been, it was wrong. Watch the nurse slide the weight to four pounds PAST that. Go into the examination room and think fondly of days gone by when there was actually a changing area with a curtain and a real gown. Undress as fast as you can in the middle of the room then sit on the table wearing a paper vest open to the front and a paper sheet over your lap. Note that it doesn’t cover your behind, thus ensuring that it will the first thing your doctor sees upon entering.
4) Get your exam. In the middle of it, notice how the nurse comes halfway in, leaving the door open. Since there’s a mirror right next to the door, note that you can look down the hallway. Also note that people in the hallway can see you.
5) Go home, tell your husband everything. Listen as he tells you it probably wasn’t the best day for the people at the doctor’s office either.
One Way to Make A Bad Day Better
1) Smack your husband