My Great Big Head

I don’t know if you noticed, but I changed the look of my blog. The other one didn’t really show my nostrils off to suit me. I will eventually change the header to something less “Lisary” but it’s all I could find at the time, and since it has been photoshopped to death and was from a time I weighed about 30 pounds less, I figured it’d do.

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is my relationship with Jesus. Specifically, how He always shows up JUST in the nick of time. Like when I’m down 2 match points. Yes, yesterday I played tennis with my regular partner Sharon and just like normal, we decided not to practice and instead rely on prayer.

Let me set the stage. My team was tied for first place with the team we were playing. By the time Sharon and I took the court, we’d lost 2 and won 1 and our team needed us to win. Which stunk because the duo we were playing were really good. Especially this one girl, let’s call her Pristine. Pristine took the court with all the confidence in the world and I don’t blame her. She was young, fit and had GREAT ground strokes. Also, a serve. But as annoying as I found all of that, it was her serious attitude that drove me crazy. Guurl, we are NOT at Wimbledon, relax! They took the first set 6-4, but it wasn’t as close as it sounds. The wind was blowing like crazy and I stink anyway, so basically I looked like a out-of-shape chick with two left feet playing drunk. It was really ugly. But the whole time I was praying. It went something like this:

Lord, help me like this girl cause she is on my last nerve. Bless her Lord. Help her Lord see that there is a lot more to life than tennis cause she seems to take it REALLY seriously. Didn’t you say pride goes before a fall? Confound the enemy! Help me hit this point. Help me hit THIS point. Help me hit two points in a row!

You get the idea. The 2nd set went back and forth with Pristine basically killing the ball and us doing our best to keep it to her partner and even though they had TWO MATCH POINTS, we managed to win it in a tie-breaker.

Then the 3rd set began and suddenly Sharon and I could not miss! Pristine would hit it hard and I’d hit it harder. Sharon was slamming balls left and right, and I even ACED Pristine on a serve. It was so out of control that Sharon and I were just giggling on the court. The LORD was with us.

Afterward, I tried to give God the glory by telling Pristine that she was a great player and that we’d been praying the whole time and it was a miracle, but she didn’t seem to care. I’m not going to lie, it felt good to take her down a peg or two. When she took the court initially, her head was almost as big as the one on this blog!



How Social Media Marketing World Saved My Marriage

When I first told JD about the social media conference put on by Social Media Examiner, he was reluctant to attend. Can we just stop there for a second and think about that? JD, husband and photographer, did not want to A) Go to San Diego, with B) his wife and C) learn about social media marketing which could totally help his business in a bazillion ways. What. The. What!

By calmly explaining all of the advantages of going to the conference and booking the flight and paying for his ticket before he could stop me, I convinced him to go. Here’s some background. Approximately 5 years ago I told my husband to blog. He didn’t. 3 years ago I told him to set up a Facebook page. He didn’t. 2 years ago, I told him to get involved with Twitter. Guess what, he didn’t!  Now I know where my daughter gets it.

Now, after two full days of social media classes, he is a ALL IN with the social media. He’s tweeted more in the last three days than he has the last three years! He’s talking about super-fans, and ROI, and HootSuite.

Here’s JD NETWORKING and enjoying every second of it. (I’m actually in the photo too, but since I’m drinking a Coke with such fervor it calls to mind a dehydrated baboon drinking from the first watering hole he’s seen in weeks, I thought I’d crop myself out of it.)

This conference gave me great hope for my marriage. I kept telling JD, “I TOLD YOU”, “SERIOUSLY, DIDN’T I TELL YOU??” and “I TOLD YOU.” I’m sure he’ll listen now when I TELL him something. And my daughter, too.

If I’m going to dream, I’m going to dream BIG.

Networking Till You Puke

The Social Media Marketing World conference is awesome if you want to learn about social media, but it stinks as a diet plan. Case in point – breakfast. When it said “Continental” I assumed it would be some crappy bagel and cereal buffet, but no. How am I supposed to resist Cage-free, scrambled eggs, onion, arugula, bacon and Fontina cheese with mustard on a crispy French baguette? I’m not.

Because I don’t know myself at all, a month ago when I registered for the conference, I asked for  a Gluten-free lunch. Which was a bit confusing to the server and everyone at my table when I ate 3 rolls while waiting for it to be brought out.

As much as I ate for breakfast and lunch, it didn’t even come close to what I had for dinner. John wanted to eat at one of his favorites, Lou and Micky’s. Check out the MENU and imagine me yelling FORTY EIGHT DOLLARS FOR A STEAK??? My company liaison INSISTED on paying, and ordering for everyone, also that I shut up about it. Which is how I ended up eating oysters, a salad, a steak, macaroni and cheese, and grilled asparagus.

My stomach STILL hurts.

After dinner there was a cruise around the bay but since it didn’t get back to shore until 11 pm, also known as 2 am Atlanta time, we skipped it. I came back to the hotel and fell straight into bed.

I am learning SO much and I’m having such a great time, I hate for it to end.

When I get back I’m going to update my Google Plus page, use SlideShare, create some podcasts, upload a few YouTube videos, create more interest in my Pinterest, revamp my Linkedin page, do a few Facebook promotions, create better content, build an online following and create real community online.

Right after I buy a bigger, reinforced, chair to support my butt’s networking habit.

East Coast/West Coast

Kittens, I’m reporting from Social Media Marketing World and the first thing I need to tell you is that the average age of Social Media people is 17. Which is also their average weight. Seriously, there was a woman on the shuttle yesterday that I could have picked up and put on my hip like a toddler.

Speaking of toddlers, JD and I are traveling with my good friend John. We left Atlanta at 3 pm yesterday and I have to say the worst part of the entire trip was the hour of airport time. John had back surgery a few months ago and can’t really carry his bags, or walk fast, two very important skill sets needed in an airport. At one point JD told him it was like traveling with an infant and we should get him a stroller. I just kept thinking, “Mantamy would KILL you.” Lucky for John, I am much more patient than either of them. Also, he’s funding my trip.

Because JD is along and paying his own way, I have to be careful that my expenses stay separate from his so that I can turn them in and I keep forgetting! I really wish they were paying for HIS instead of mine, because we’ve been here 18 hours and I can already see how this is going to go. JD forgot his toothbrush and while the hotel GAVE him one at the desk, he insisted on buying one. I went to pay for 1 Coke and 1 toothbrush and the total was almost THIRTEEN DOLLARS. Which I might have yelled across the store. The 17 year-old Social Marketers would have never yelled, they would have tweeted it. I have so much to learn.

I was a little grumpy by the evening because on the way to the hotel, I took a large step up into the shuttle van and pulled a muscle in my behind. If there is one part of the body that I use everyday – it would be my behind. Now it hurts to walk and sit and I was really planning to do one of those a LOT this weekend.

Last night the event hosted a party on the USS Midway which was actually pretty cool, and included lots of opportunity for “networking”. I networked the heck out of chicken pizza and chicken tortillas, while JD “networked” with some mushroom sliders and chocolate chip cookies.

JD and I, networking near the buffet, on USS Midway

I did talk to one social media dude who explained what he did for 30 minutes and I’m still mostly unsure but I think he looks at your website, then finds authors in your field to write great content, and they put it on your website to increase traffic. Writing great content for your site to increase traffic? I am totally going to try that. As soon as my butt stops hurting and I can sit.


You’ll be glad to know that the poor girl who didn’t save her work, somehow managed to recreate it and sent it off to New York only moments ago. She also had a meeting with a pastor, made a bunch of phone calls, sent out emails and ads, packed most of her clothes, called people asking for money, went to pick up her daughter, dusted the living room, cleaned the toilet, set up a fan in the spare bedroom for her Aunt, and fell into bed exhausted so she could get up in the morning and mop the floors before company gets to town. I think the title of her book should be The Glamorous Life. Or Wealth, Power and Beauty – How to Live Without It.

So I’m off to a social media conference tomorrow but I’m leaving the house in the capable hands of my mother. I fully expect to come home and find a house full of furniture that she bought and didn’t have room in her truck to haul home. There’s already a bench, a ceramic pot and a bunch of framed pictures waiting on her to retrieve them. Plus Fay’s coming. If I don’t find at least one fan and a waffle maker after they’re gone I’m going to be worried they are sick.

Speaking of sick, I have to get on a plane tomorrow and I’m NOT flying first class. I know, it’s ridiculous. My co-worker managed an upgrade, but JD and I are going to be in the back with the peasants having to PURCHASE our meals like something out of David Copperfield. Plus we’re in a window/middle seat for a flight that is almost 5 hours. Do you know how many times I’m going to have to ask the person on the aisle to get up so I can go to the bathroom? A zillion.

Still, I hear San Diego is nice. I mean other than the whole earthquake thing. We’re going to a Social Media Conference so that I can learn how to tell you about my exciting days on every possible platform there is – Twitter, Facebook, Google +, Pinterest, Instagram and a whole host of other sites that I don’t really know anything about. Each night there’s a “Networking” event so we can all meet and use cool marketing  jargon like “inbound marketing” and “content-rich solutions”. I plan on enjoying myself and “networking” nonstop.

And by “networking” I mean “eating” but you probably knew that already.

The Saddest Story

I don’t really feel like writing a blog post tonight because I’m much too sad after the terrible story I read today. It’s about a girl who was writing a book and she was almost done with her final edits and had spent the last two days making a few last changes then she went to work and her computer went to sleep and she had to reboot to make it turn on and she hadn’t saved her work and thus it was like the last 48 hours hadn’t even happened and she had to start over. Plus she used a lot of run on sentences.

Which reminds me of a lady I met at a conference who said she writes her books then deletes the whole thing and starts over because the first draft is always crappy and how I thought she was crazy and that I would NEVER do that.

Oh sure, THIS auto saves.


I am a medical marvel. Not only did I play tennis on Saturday, but I hit the courts again on Sunday for a 2.5 hour, 3 set win! The fact that I am still walking is probably a miracle. Or I’m hopped up on screwdrivers and ibuprofen, whichever. Normally I’d be complaining to JD until he broke down and massaged my neck and shoulders, but he decided to one-up me by helping my brother move three truck loads of furniture, blah, blah, blah! Doesn’t anyone care about MY needs?

Besides playing tennis, I spent the weekend cleaning my house. I didn’t spend a LOT of time, why bother when I’ll just have to do it again, but I did make a gesture. My mom and Aunt Fay are coming on Wednesday and I didn’t want them to be bored so I left them a few things to do. Number one is: CLEAN THE HOUSE. The second one is WORK IN THE YARD. They have years of experience between them so I’m expecting big things.

March has been a busy month and as it comes to an end, I have big decisions to make. Mainly whether to keep cable, go to Direct TV, or just chuck the whole thing and get an antenna. That last one makes me feel a little bit like the Amish except that I think they forgo electricity completely so never mind. Still, an antenna? Why don’t we just throw away the remote and start getting up to turn the TV channel like pioneers? The thought of not having access to On Demand is a little bit terrifying. What if I get behind and I don’t know what’s happening on Duck Dynasty or Dancing with the Stars?

Speaking of Dancing with the Stars, I watched it for the first time in forever and one of the couples danced to Timber and now I can’t get it out of my head. Then I read this:

There are few things more frustrating than being unable to dislodge a catchy tune from your head all day.

But now psychologists have come up with an explanation for why certain songs can get stuck in your brain like a broken record.

Word memory association, situations of stress, a wandering mind and altered emotional states can all be blamed for the phenomenon, psychologist Dr Lauren Stewart said.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Just as I got the tune from Dancing with the Stars out of my mind, I find this:

My worlds have collided! What’s next, a song featuring the cast of Scandal with the cast of Being Human? Dallas and Revenge? Once Upon a Time and Grey’s Anatomy?

I’m going to go ahead and take antenna off the table.

Slaying Something

I think I’m going to retire. I’ve heard that moving back in with your parents is all the rage and I like to stay current with the latest trends, so somebody in Zollicoffer prepare a room!

Yesterday I worked all day, then JD and I went to listen to Moon’s 6th grade concert. Actually, it was a 4 schools and a BUNCH of 6th graders, but Moon was obviously the star attraction. My favorite song they did was called Dragon Slayer. The cellos and bass, etc. were the dragons, and the violins were the slayers and it’s plain that the dragons were WAY better.

It takes a trained ear, but all of those family reunions have taught me to recognize talent when I hear it.

5 Random Things

1. At bridge last week, Positive Patty gave us a biscuit tutorial. I filmed the whole thing but she told me NOT to put it on the blog. Or YouTube. She didn’t mention Vimeo so I’m looking into that. FYI, her biscuits did not taste ANYTHING like mine.

2. My husband tried out a new recipe on Moon this past weekend.

They’re Bancakes. Bacon cooked, then dipped in pancake batter. Best dad, evah!

3. I went to a Pinterest party, (don’t ASK) and found these:

Chocolate haystack thingies with jelly beans. Cute! Recipe HERE

4. The average visit on Facebook is 28 minutes! The average time spent on a website is 56 seconds. I’m so far above average it’s not even funny.

5. A joke – What do you call a deer with no eyes?





I’ve got no eye deer.

More: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?





Still, no eye deer.

Good Parenting

Moon had a rough day on Wednesday. She went to the orthodontist who finally decided, yes, she will need braces. She won’t get them for another year or so, but he did put in temporary spacers with a more permanent solution coming soon. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she had clothing issues and tests. By the time bedtime rolled around, she  had big tears rolling down her cheeks and was longing for the days when she was a carefree toddler.

Since she had another dentist appointment on Thursday, I decided to give her a mental health day and skip school. I let her sleep in until 9:30 am, then gave her strict instructions to either play on her computer or watch TV. After her dentist appointment, I took her over to her BFF’s for some Minecraft time. I. am. awesome.

On Friday I sent her back to school like a responsible parent, but around 10:30 am I received a phone call. Poor Moon had a stomach ache AND a headache. JD said she was probably faking, but I hated the thought of her being at school sick, so I went and picked her up. Since she seemed to be okay, I asked if we could run a few errands which is how she ended up getting a haircut and her eyebrows waxed. If getting WAXED won’t cure a kid from calling home sick, I don’t know what will!

Yeah, she totally looks sick to me.

Side note: When I was a little girl, my parents once let me sleep in late and miss school. I think I was in Kindergarten and when I asked why, my mom said that Daddy didn’t want to wake me because I looked like an angel. I thought about that story while I was letting Moon sleep and it occurs to me that they may have been lying. I’m not saying they WERE, but now that I’m a parent I understand that other things might have been going on. Like maybe they drank too much wine the night before and overslept. Or maybe they took Tania-the-mad to school and forgot they had me. With those two, anything is possible.