Category F5

I’m going to try and give you a weekend wrap-up, but if I fall asleep in the middle of this post it’s because my mother tried to kill me.

My mom and her business partner/friend, Donna, showed up at noon on Thursday, dropped their luggage in the spare bedroom, and we headed out the door to the first of three estate sales. Well, we actually switched cars with JD since their truck was already full to the brim with things for the upcoming vintage fashion show and THEN headed out, but you get the idea. We could have just ridden bicycles because the sales were pitiful. Obviously, there are a great number of Estate Sale merchants putting their children through med school because nothing else could explain a vintage, lamb-wool jacket for sale for $495.00 dollars.

Thursday afternoon, the three of us went to the site of the upcoming fashion show and began the process of unloading and displaying all 485 rings, bracelets, scarves, dresses, coats, and dead animals. Yes, we had a few of these:

Awesome. Believe it or not, we sold them all. Apparently PETA folks don’t frequent retirement communities looking for old clothing. Odd.

By the time we got finished setting everything up, my sister and her cohorts, Bertha and Sandy, made it into town. They’d just settled in when we came home with pizza. Apparently, driving from Virginia means you get to show up after all the work is done and dinner is on the table. Odd. Still, they brought wine so I’d call us even. Because I only have 3 bedrooms, (the HORROR) JD had to sleep out in the office with the dogs, and I had to sleep in the bed with Moon and my sister.  Even though the dog pooped during the night, I’d still say JD got the better end of the deal.

Friday morning, we were out the door by 8 a.m. because, you guessed it, estate sales. This time we hit a really good one and pretty much everyone was happy, which with this crowd is a minor miracle. Next it was lunch on the Square, then back to the retirement community so the residents that lived there could shop the “pre-sale”. It was a long day, and at 3:35 pm, mom and I left to go pick up Moonpie, while the rest of the crowd locked up. Apparently, by “lock-up”, my sister meant “shop at Duprees”, because while my mother and I were making dinner, cleaning the kitchen, making sign-in sheets and auction paddles for the show, she and her crew were not. Odd. But they also shopped at the liquor corner on the corner and brought home more wine, so I counted us as even.

Saturday, we had to be at the fashion show by 9:30 a.m., so of course we didn’t have time to get 6 women and a pre-teen up and dressed in time to hit any yard sales. Just kidding, of COURSE we got up and went to a couple. Cohort #1, Bertha, spent 65.00 at a yard sale which is pretty dang impressive since I didn’t see a thing over $1.00.

Our show was a great success and over a hundred ladies attended, bid and bought a ton of vintage jewelry and clothing, and were inspired by our models to, as my dear, friend Marsha said, “race right out to Jenny Craig.” This is the part where I’d put images of our beautiful models, like KitKat, in tiny vintage dresses but I was so busy trying to get out the door in time to yard sale, I forgot my camera. But I did get a pillow showing a scene from Brussels for $3.00 so, win.

After the show finished at 2:30, we spent the next hour and a half putting all of the things away and loading the truck, then we….yes, we went BACK to an estate sale. We might have a problem. Saturday night, we ordered another pizza, put on our pj’s and crashed in the bed by 9 pm. Speaking of problems, try sleeping between a pre-teen and Tania-the-mad. Nothing says, it’s time for everyone to get going, like waking up to spooning your sister! Although to be fair, I’m not sure Tania-the-mad loved it either.

Sunday morning, my mom and Donna got on the road at SEVEN. I can’t imagine why they were in such a hurry to leave, but it was their loss. I got up and made a hearty breakfast for everyone, then as Tania and the crew left for Virginia, I got ready for church. And by “got ready”, I mean “put on clothes from the floor”. The Tyre’s did everyone a favor and sat on the back row. After church, we went to my brother’s house for a birthday party for the little one who just turned 3, then we came home and I caught up on some work.

It was a FUN and FULL weekend, and this was a really long recap. I should have just posted a short, illustrative video of how I feel.

I’m the house in this illustration in case you were wondering.

Golden Years are Here

Yesterday, I read that Ralph Macchio of The Karate Kid turned 52. That must be why I’ve seen so many posts about the dangers of depression on Facebook lately. How does time pass so fast? I blame technology. It didn’t seem to move as quickly on Andy Griffith.

This is what Opie looks like now.

As Bette Davis said, “Getting old ain’t for sissies.”

Moon and I were watching a movie tonight called Seventeen Again. If you haven’t see it, it’s about a man, (Matthew Perry) that’s dissatisfied with his life and wife, who gets to go back to the age of 17.

Grown up version:

Seventeen year old version:

Moon missed the beginning so she didn’t get a good look at him before he became young. At the end of the movie , SPOILER ALERT, he turns back into the grown-up version, and the look on Moon’s face was priceless.

I know, Moon. I know.

At least I’m growing old with people who have seen the normal aging process – be a kid, go to high-school, go to college, marry someone, have kids, get older, be a grandparent.

Moon doesn’t have that luxury. We were watching the CMA’s and Taylor Swift received the Pinnacle Award.

Pinnacle. As in the highest point. Taylor Swift has reached the PINNACLE of her industry at 23 years of age. She was the opening act for country music stars at 16. She just received an award that in essence says, “It is all down hill from here.” She must be so sad.

I REALLY feel sorry for her.

People vs. Pinterest

I don’t worry a lot about Pinterest. Sure, I’ll check it out if I’m looking for something particular like a cool birthday invite, or a hundred ways to reuse a toilet paper roll, but for the most part I’m unmoved by the whole thing. Yes, that is a nice looking coffee table made from a pallet and an old sled, but in the time it took you to make it, I’ve watched the entire Season 9 of Grey’s Anatomy, so there.

It takes a LOT to get me motivated.

Which is why I try to avoid my friend when possible. I mentioned that recently I went and spent some time with my friend, Mantamy, at her beach house. Her house is decorated beautifully but it turns out she MADE a lot of the cool stuff herself, like the headboards, and DID a lot of hard stuff herself, like staining the decks. Looking around at what she was able to do, I started thinking, what if?

Then I had lunch with my friend KitKat who has been taking beat-up houses and renovating them to resell, and she started talking about how much you could do with a little paint and some hard work and I was like, I can do ONE of those and I started thinking, what if?

Usually, I just lay down till the feeling passes, but this weekend my mom and her business partner, plus my sister and somewhere between 1 and 3 of her friends, are coming to town and I figured they’d probably like to be able to find the bed, so I decided to do some low-cost, low-effort work around the house.

I started with the living room. I’d purchased some curtains at a yard sale and while they are orange and match my couch, once I put them up, they looked more burgundy. So I:

  • Bought two throw pillows from Walmart
  • Dug out some burgundy spray paint out of the garage and painted my cross
  • Dug out some flat-black spray paint out of the garage and repainted my coffee table

I like it.

Then I went to work on the spare bedroom. I’d bought some twin beds a few months ago, but nothing in the room matched. The beds were brown, the shelves were white, the bedspreads were meant for twin girls around 7, and Moon had gotten rid of her black armoire and we’d stuffed it in there, too. Work done:

  • Bought .99 cent glossy spray paint and painted bookshelf
  • Painted shelves on wall
  • Painted beds
  • Bought two bed-in-a-bag sets from Walmart
  • Bought two pillows from Target
  • Bought black curtains from Walmart
  • Took 5 bags of clothes out of the room and to Goodwill

While it’s true that the sheets have a thread-count of about 12 and are so thin JD says if anyone toots in the bed it’ll probably rip a hole in them, it still looks a thousand times better than it did.

Moon’s room needed to be freshened up more than anything. Work done:

  • Touch up the walls (paint in the garage, no need to buy!)
  • Bought new curtains from Target
  • Hung a new chandelier (gift from my friend, Fran)
  • Furniture rearranged per Moon’s request

Moon’s room 3 days before the ladies are due.

Love the new chandelier! When my friend, Fran, called and said that her father-in-law was remodeling his 1960’s house and she was wondering if we wanted his light fixtures, we said YES. She sent us 4 and another one is coming soon. The only problem with them is that the painters decided to paint the ceiling BEFORE taking the fixtures down, so I had a bit of cleaning to do.



Which leads me to the kitchen. The biggest thing our kitchen needed was a new stove. I’m not one to rush out and spend money on appliances, but for the last year, our stove has had a problem. Mainly – it wouldn’t turn off. You have to unplug it to get it out of BAKE mode. I’d been looking online at the outlet stores but it was tough to find a black, gas range that was near us and not expensive. Last weekend I walked into Best Buy, and there was my stove! It was about $200 less than the outlet store. Score! Work done:

  • Installed new stove
  • Removed and painted the hood with .99 glossy, black paint
  • Bought a quart of paint and retouched all of the cabinets
  • Cleaned and hung new light fixture (Thanks, Fran!)

Stove and hood

My favorite – the new, free, fixture!

That light thinks she is SO cool. Hmmph.

The bathroom got a rug, two hand towels and some touch-up on the woodwork. The runner is from Target. It really ties the room together does it not? (Name that movie!)

My bedroom got nothing, but my bridge partner recently gave me her awesome comforter, so I’m happy with it and the only person who MIGHT sleep in there with me is Tania-the-Mad and she’ll have other things to worry about besides how decorated my room is. Like how I’m going to pay her back for all the times she wouldn’t let ME sleep with HER.

Now, all that’s left to do, is clean the whole house and wait for the gang to arrive. And if any of them start talking about DIY projects, I’m throwing them out on the street. OUT ON THE STREET.

I’m not even kidding. Thanks to Mantamy and KitKat, I can barely walk!

Real Selfies

I know that patience has a lot of fans, but for me, when it comes to the fruit of the spirit you can’t beat self-control. I use it almost every morning when I read political blogs, then get on Facebook and read how stupid all of my friends are. But do I TELL them? No, cause I got control.

Besides, what good would it do?

The problem with self-control is that no one ever recognizes you’re using it. Sure you’ll hear people say, “You have so much patience!”, or “What a kind thing you just did!” but no one EVER says, “Thanks for not pointing out what a donkey’s behind I am!”

But just when I think that maybe I should give up on the whole Self-Control thing, I meet someone who already has, and oh, boy.

Sunday, my tennis team played in the semi-finals. I wasn’t in the line-up (what!!) but I decided to go and cheer them on. Apparently, just before I got there, the other team Captain cussed out our team Captain and we had to threaten to call the police to get her to shut-up. I. Miss. Everything.

Maybe she had a good reason? Seems that she wanted us to play three matches at once, instead of two, and when our captain wouldn’t start early, she threw a fit. One of my teammates asked her to move so they could see the tennis match that was going on behind her, and the crazy woman jumped on the bleachers and yelled that she would stand anywhere she dang well wanted! She cussed and jumped and generally acted like a PURE IDIOT. Another team member asked her to stop using crude language in front of the kids that were there and she said, “You want crude? I’ll show you crude!” then she proceeded to SHIMMY her belly and boobs at our team. And she had a lot of both to shimmy.

I’m going to be honest. If I found a time-machine and could only make one trip to the past and it was between stopping a presidential assassination and getting to the match twenty minutes earlier with a recording device, I’m not sure which one I’d choose.

28 A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out. Proverbs 25:28

Also, like a PURE IDIOT.

But that’s just my opinion, I’m not putting it on Facebook or anything.

Easy Parenting

I don’t want my friends with more than one child to ever complain again. Having just ONE is way harder than any number other than one, even 7. No wonder the Duggars keep having kids; I bet they haven’t talked to some of them in years!

Friday afternoon, Moon came home from school, excited that a friend was coming over for the weekend. I’d been to the store and stocked up on drinks, chips and cookies, and JD put up the new, just-big-enough-for-two tent I’d purchased. Moon was so overcome with joy that she gave me a spontaneous hug and said, “I love you, so much!” Epic win.

Then her friend came over and I didn’t hear another thing for 48 hours. Well, I heard things – giggles, yelling, squeals – but none of them were directed toward me. It was heaven. I got an entire book read, cleaned up the spare bedroom, made chili, loved on my dog, had a friend over to watch tv, and basically lived life like a normal, non chicken-nugget making, well-rested human.

I’m thinking Moon needs a permanent sister.

Watching them reminded me of a conversation I had this week with my friend Kit, (not her real name) at lunch. We were talking about being young and how good it felt. Remember when you just did stuff for fun? When I was 17 I would have killed for a full tank of gas and no curfew, and now that I have those things, what do I do? Eat myself sick on chili and Fritos and obsessively watch Fox News and The Big Bang Theory. It feels like a wasted opportunity. But then I remember what I WANTED to do as a teenager.

1. Kiss a boy

2. Laugh with friends late into the night

3. Listen to music

Wasted opportunity and I go way back.

The good news is that if I can convince my friends that 10 pm. constitutes as late into the night, I  can accomplish all of those teenage dreams this week! Aiming low has its rewards.