A Lake First

Because we’re insane, Team Tyre will be heading to the lake tomorrow with FIVE kids. Yeah, I wasn’t joking about that whole “insane” thing. We’ve somehow managed to convince another adult to go with us in hopes that her presence will convince the kids to behave. Also, JD. He doesn’t mind fighting with me in public as our tiff at the CHURCH showed, but at least with my friend Jean there, I’ll have a witness that it’s not my fault that the truck’s parked crooked, that we’re out of sunscreen, or that the boat was improperly tied up and we keep bouncing into rocks. Just because I’m in charge of parking the truck, packing the sunscreen and tying up the boat doesn’t mean I should be expected to do those things well. Who am I, Pioneer Woman?

You might think I’m anticipating trouble. You’d be right. If there’s anything going to the lake for over 40 years has taught me, it’s that mom’s get the short end of the stick. Dad’s get to drive the boat and pull everyone on the tube, while mom’s ensure you’re wearing your life jacket at ALL TIMES I DON’T CARE HOW SHALLOW YOU THINK IT IS.

We yell because we care.

Because this is not my first rodeo, I thought instead of just showing up at the lake en masse, perhaps we should take the boat out for a test run. After packing all essential gear, also known as OARS, we headed to the boat ramp. That’s when something wacky happened. The. boat. started. It started, it ran, it even went in and out of reverse! I have no explanation other than God loves me and wants me to enjoy the lake. The only issue at all was when we tried to put the boat on the trailer and the wind kept blowing us around, making it difficult for JD to drive straight. Afterwards, an older man came up and talked to us for a bit and I mentioned that I’d hoped to learn to load the boat myself, but it looked too difficult. (This is also how I feel about cooking, doing laundry, and mowing the lawn, but he didn’t have to know all that.) He said that the longer the boat, the easier it is! A longer boat, like this?

It’s awesome when God uses people to tell you to buy a bigger boat, amiright Kittens? Just THINK how many kids we could take to the lake then.

Daily Grind

This was a very productive day -well, if personal hygiene and a clean home aren’t high priorities on your list.

JD had a job today so he got up early, which woke the dogs, which woke ME, so there I sat at 7 a.m., on the couch with nothing to do. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t seen the SMASH finale. Oh, sweet Smash. How I’m going to miss your musical numbers, saucy gay leads, and Jack Davenport as the gigolo director with a heart of gold. I can’t believe they cancelled this show! 19 versions of CSI and SVU’s but not one good show about Broadway? Some days this world ain’t worth living, amiright Kittens?

Anyhoo. After catching up on my tv show, I went to the office and caught up on my work, then came in the house and caught up on my celebrity gossip. Did you know that P Diddy doesn’t want to marry Kim Kardashian? Shocking, I know. I didn’t actually read the article as to WHY, but I’m sure he has a good reason. As in, she’s a Kardashian.

THEN I did a load of laundry, followed a bunch of people on Twitter, read some political blogs, shared some watermelon with my daughter, downloaded a new YA book that my 12 year old niece told me about, and made a faux-Wendy’s Frosty. And by “faux”, I mean “not even close.”

It wasn’t HORRIBLE, but let’s not compare it to Wendy’s. The recipe: 3/4 cup almond milk, 2 tbs of cocoa powder, 1 tsp vanilla, 1/3 banana and ice.  It was not nearly sweet enough for me so I added a heaping tsp of sweetener. Decent and only 100 calories.

J picked up Moon for an afternoon of fun at her house, so I lay down to read my new book, but only until JD got home. I had to make sure he knew what to cook for dinner.  While he cooked tofu and rice, I showered and put on some clean yoga pants because I know nothing tells a man you appreciate him like dressing and brushing your teeth at least once a day.

THEN JD left to go get Moon and I sat on the couch to finish another tv show – Ripper Streets, because it’s a good historical drama. Also, Matthew Macfayden.

The only tough part of the day was when JD went to bed and started freaking out cause he found a tick on his leg. He didn’t seem all that happy to learn it was just a watermelon seed. Yes, I’m fully aware that when my husband leaves me, none of you will be on my side. It’s the cross I bear.

Long Weekends are for Lots of Stuff like Eating and Gardening

Friday was the first full day of no school and I have to say, I’m a fan. There’s just something awesome about having all the Tyres under one roof with no plans to go anywhere. Yes I had to work, but most everyone was already in “long weekend” mode so it was an easy day. As opposed to all of the other days which are just hellacious.

Anyway. On Saturday, Kathryn came over and we went to a few yard sales. I was looking for Moon some clothes and while I could have gone the retail route, I thought driving around randomly and shopping at strangers homes might better produce the desired result. And by “desired result” I mean “under ten dollars”. Of course I was right. We got shorts and t-shirts and name brand fashions for next to nothing. Afterward, I decided new clothes might be in order for me TOO so we forgot the yard sale craziness and went straight to Ann Taylor Loft.

I bought a few linen t-shirts but I passed on the shorts because I am modest. Also, pasty.

After shopping, we ran over to Mantamy’s house for a quick “How do you do?” and that’s when she showed us her new project:

A dolphin topiary. I know, right? And while it IS impressive, it actually has taken her a long time to get to this level of expertise. A couple of years ago, they had to move because her skills weren’t what they should have been.

Saturday night we went to Supper Club and ate YUMMY Tex-Mex fajitas, Mexican cornbread, Quinoa and a Mexican dessert JD made –

Again, yummy. I may have eaten enough for three people. Three, LARGE people.

Sunday, because our church is cool, instead of sitting inside on hard benches we opted for the oft-overlooked holy endeavor of picnicking. Sitting on a blanket in the shade, eating potluck food while the kids ran around and played on a water slide, it was a perfect way to spend a Sunday. And the best part? It was 48 hours long!

Mondays are made for recovering from Sundays, amiright? I spent the morning cleaning, then hanging on the couch while Moon played with Baby A for a couple of hours. By the afternoon, I had roused myself enough to put on clothes so Moon and I went to the bookstore.

At some point JD and I did explain to Moon that Memorial Day was to honor the people who gave their lives for us on the battlefield, but other than eating a red, white, and blue Popsicle, we weren’t the most patriotic celebrators.

Well, I did throw this together:

It’s no phallic dolphin, but it’s the best I could do in an afternoon.

Summer, You Are Welcome Here

Moon’s bun? A success, of course.

Was there ever any doubt? This has to be the easiest hair product I’ve ever used and I base that on the fact that I could actually use it to get the desired result. All those years with a curling iron to get the perfect bangs never worked, but I am a PRO with the sock bun doughnut thingy.

My daughter was beautiful. If they had been giving awards for “Best Looking”, and let’s face it – they SHOULD, she would have won twice. We were THIS close from getting an attendance award, but Moon was sick one day. ONE day. In addition to being sticklers about being there every day, you also had to have less than 4 tardies. Which. We. Did. That’s right, last year we had SEVENTEEN, this year, four. I kept expecting the Most Improved Mother Award but the Nazi’s that run her school limited the awards to the kids.

I was sad for about 8 seconds, then all I could think was how happy I was that this stupid year was OVER. No more girl drama. No more CRCT. No more “extended response” math answers. If Moon ever uses the ER in real life I will smack her. No one cares WHY their change is .23 cents, just hand over the money.

Maybe it’s just me. A couple of weeks ago, JD and I were in a “seminar” and afterward, one of the participants told me that I was a “challenger”. I asked JD if he considered me a “challenger” and he said “yes”. So I gave him my own version of the “extended response”.

It’s been a long year for everybody.

Nude Nails and Roses

That is a funky title for an average day. I realize I didn’t post anything last night but you’ll have to forgive me – I had a horrible headache which was exacerbated by the fact my bridge ladies kept trumping my good tricks. Vicious. The ladies, not the headache.

Today I hit the ground running. Okay, not actually “running” cause that would involve exercise, but I did get a lot of stuff done. Moon was getting out of school at noon and I wanted to get some things accomplished before picking her up. I wrote, worked on ads, read the Bible, and basically did everything I needed to do except watch more episodes of Orphan Black, but hey, a girl has to pace herself amiright?

Since I was done with work, and Moon was done with school, I thought we could use a little bonding time, so we headed to the nail salon. Moon went with something fresh and young in teal, while I chose this:

I call it Mud.

Target was next. Tomorrow is Moon’s last walk down the 5th grade hall, so we bought some flowers for her to hand out to special teachers, friends in lower grades, etc. And I finally broke down and bought a sock bun thingy.

Moon’s going to rock it like a Kardashian tomorrow.

Unless I screw it up, then she’ll be rocking the Edna Garrett.


Upton and Heyward and Some Other Guys

I’m a Braves fan. Why else would I have spent my Sunday at Turner Field getting drenched and spending my weekly paycheck on peanuts and Dipping Dots? We did the chop, the wave, and the 7th inning stretch – all very difficult maneuvers if you’re not a true-blue baseball fan. It was a very exciting game. In the second inning Carolyn and I bought a bottomless bucket of popcorn and then in the FIFTH inning we went back for more only to be told they were OUT.

Uh, that looks like the bottom to me.

I was really worried and went to three different concession stands only to hear the same thing – NO POPCORN. It was touch and go there for a while, but finally in the 7th, Carolyn found a vendor with some and we were home free. Whew. Don’t even get me started about the 1-refill Coke I bought. Go Braves!

Friday and Saturday were spent at our friend’s financial class/seminar/dessert buffet. They didn’t give out any cash, but we did learn a lot, like “It’s not about the money!”, “Stewardship is only the beginning!”, and “If you work at it, you can fit 72 chocolate-covered pomegranates in your mouth!” That last one was especially satisfying.

Other than that, our weekend was the same as usual – laundry, WalMart, mopping. And since JD was doing all that, I caught up on my reading.

Baby A didn’t come over any this weekend, but I got to see her a bit during the week, and since some grumblers have complained that I don’t show photos anymore, this is for you.

Apparently, I’m hilarious.

Kickin Butt and Taking Names

Today was a banner day in the Tyre household – Moon passed the CRCT! Thank the good Lord above. The test ruined my 5th grade experience, not to mention my wallet. We wanted to make sure Moon had every opportunity to do well, so we had a tutor 2 – 3 hours ever week. And I guess it paid off! Or, Moon would have passed anyway and we just wasted our money. Whateves. All I know is that 6th grade is in our future and 5th grade can suck it.We haven’t actually SEEN the grades, but her teacher told the class that everyone passed the math and reading portions so unless she’s a bald-face liar, we’re gold.

Also, I played bridge on Tuesday night and, wait for it…we won! First over all for over 1.13 points -impressive or what! Every time I win, I go to bed thinking what life would be like to be a bridge pro. So basically I don’t spend a lot of time thinking what life would be like to be a bridge pro.

And as if the last couple of days hasn’t been grand enough, the meeting I was supposed to have tonight got cancelled and I got to sit on the couch and watch the season finales of Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal!

Tomorrow night I’m going to a friend’s house where he’s giving a class on financial management or something like that. I didn’t really pay attention but I assume he’s going to give us some money to practice with, so it seemed like a good idea. Moon is spending the night with her BFF, which is awesome, since I’m hoping to do some late night shopping and maybe a movie with my new funds.

That’s a pretty good life, I don’t care who you are.

Field Trips and The Middle East

Kittens, when my daughter asked me to chaperon her 5th grade field trip, I admit I had certain reservations, but the way she described it gave me hope. First of all, she said, we’d be traveling by luxury bus with TVs and a bathroom. The reality was slightly less fantastic. Yes, I was on a bus with tv’s and a bathroom, but I didn’t realized I’d be shoulder to shoulder with 75 stinky 5th graders who’d say things like, “I need to go #2!” and “I think I’ve got one about to come out!” out LOUD, or that the bathroom would be the size of a broom closet, or that the tv show would be a 3rd rate movie about horses and rednecks that made everybody in the south sound like a gap-toothed fool.

Also, responsibility. I thought that JD and I, yes he went too, would basically follow our daughter around enjoy the fun. In actuality, the teacher met us on the sidewalk and said our “group” would need a little extra help. One of the girls was in her own world and likely to walk away at any moment, and the other two, while best friends, were a bit “troublesome”. Lovely. Luckily I got home with all of them, but not without drama. At one point one of the girls wanted us to go outside, but the other one didn’t. Later, the other wanted to go out and the first one didn’t. During the course of the boat ride, the drama became so intense that one of the best friends wouldn’t speak to the other best friend, which led to 2 hours of the silent treatment and finally tears. I’d had enough and finally told the offended party to either make up with her friend or she could sit with me on the whole ride home. Let’s just say, my skills as a moderator are epic. Perhaps I should take a trip to Israel?

We went to Ruby Falls – impressive, Rock City – peaceful, and for a Riverboat cruise – a hot barge sitting on stinky water. And all they had to eat was pizza. Pizza for a non-dairy eating dieter! Obviously, regular readers are familiar with my discipline, which is why I’m ALSO a hot barge sitting on stinky water. Or a couch, whatever. Of the three, Ruby Falls was my favorite. I loved hearing about the history, especially how 3 men went down into an elevator shaft into the mountain to explore an air pocket, and crawled on their hands and knees through a passage that was 4 feet wide and 2 feet high for SEVEN HOURS before they could find a place to stand up, a trip that eventually led them to the famous falls. Hey, I applaud men and their pioneering spirit.

Tomorrow is Field Day at Moon’s school, which means another long day of hanging out in the hot sun with sweaty children. Unfortunately, I’ve got plans, but I’ve assured JD he can go. I WOULD but I’m not the one with the pioneering spirit.

I forgot.

I know I didn’t post yesterday, but that was only because I was laying in bed at 10:30 before I remembered and didn’t think it was worth the effort to get up. Actually, the day was TOTALLY worth it, but I was too lazy. Pity, cause some amazing things happened.

Like the fact that I showered. Before NOON. I was desperately needed at work so I got dressed and went into the office like normal sad sacks. I had just left my house and noted that there were groundhogs playing in the neighbors yard. Isn’t that nice? We get them at our house too, but their usually on the roof or in the attic. Still it’s nice to see animals enjoying nature. As I pulled out of the drive, I noticed 2 small animals playing in the grass next to the highway and slowed down for a better look. Turns out they were RATS. Awesome. Our neighbor recently told Moon that she keeps seeing a coyote in her yard. What with the coyote and rats and the WalMart across the street, I’m pretty sure my property value is just skyrocketing!

At work, something amazing happened. Someone told me I looked skinny! Because I’m a woman, I immediately yelled, “Well I’m NOT!” Luckily he believed me and I didn’t have to pull up my shirt and show him my muffin top cause I totally would have.

After work, Moon and I joined the bff- Jemi and her mom for a trip to Tellus, the science museum in Cartersville designed to teach you about science and make you feel like an idiot. No I DON’T know when the Wright Brothers took the first flight, but I know you have a sign that says No Outside Food or Drink in the museum yet I’m carrying a tote bag full of contraband juice boxes that you neglected to check so who’s stupid now? Holla.

We didn’t get home until 8:30 and I decided I’d hit the bed with a good book. Someone had posted a link on Facebook to a dystopian tale that looked good so I spent the 8.99 to buy it and was ready for a rollicking futuristic adventure. Turns out it was only 84 pages, which on my Nook with it’s screen the size of an index card, is like 2 pages in a regular book. I’ve read letters to the Editor that were longer than that.

So with all that fun, you can see why I forgot my blog. Luckily, I was able to remember it in vivid detail. This goes without saying but, you’re welcome.