I did stuff.

All is well in the Tyre household now that JD is home. We picked him up Friday evening and I have never been so happy to see someone. It might have had something to do with the fact that I’d just spent four hours shopping for an Easter dress with Moon. For some crazy reason, I decided to take her instead of just buying her what I liked like usual. I don’t know what I was thinking. I gave her two directives – no sequins and nothing with dogs.

“Not even DOG PAWS?”

No, not even dog paws.

1782 dresses later we finally left Justice with a pink sweater and polka dot dress. Yes, it had a sequined band around the bottom, but I you’ll be happy to know I stood FIRM on the whole dog thing.

I was probably in a bad mood because earlier in the day my tennis partner, Sharon, and I had lost AGAIN. I hate losing, but what makes it worse is that Sharon and I pray the entire time. And we STILL lose.  The prayers running through my mind go like this. “Lord, let me play well. Help me serve well. Help me return this ball. Let me return some ball, at some point. Look how hateful the opponents are!  Can I win a point, you know, some time today? What are you DOING up there?”

I don’t get it. Some of our opponents CUSS.

After the match, we went to Whole Foods (aka Whole Wallet) and I spent two months’ income on Vegan Pizza. Totally worth it. JD and I ate it in about three seconds on Saturday. Which is about all the time we had, since we got up, cleaned house, then watched baby Alison for a few hours. She’s actually really easy since she slept for about 3 of the 5 hours she was here. The other 2 went by in a blur of goldfish, playhouse and Berenstain Bears. She’s a very easy, almost-three year old which is not fair considering her father is Ellery and I was really hoping he’d get a hard one.

The afternoon was spent with Moon and Rimfire. Kathryn and I took them over to the Avenue for some shopping, pedicures, and dinner. It was awesome, especially the part where I accidentally spent $175.00 on a shirt and sweater. I somehow managed to not yell, “SAY WHAT?” but it’s sitting on the table ready to be returned tomorrow. Just as soon as JD has a chance to get over there – returns are for losers, amiright?

Sunday we went to church like good, Christian people and followed it up with brunch at O’Charley’s. There’s not a lot to eat that’s vegan, so I settled for soup, baked potato, and two Bloody Mary’s. They were SO good, I left wishing I’d had 4. Then we came home and I fell face down on the couch and slept for two solid hours. JD and Moon spent the afternoon doing Daddy/Daughter day since he’d been gone all week and by the time they got back I was rested and ready for the rest of the activities. Mainly that entailed putting on my pj’s and snuggling with Moon while we watched The Bible on TV.

I thought it was a good idea considering the drinking, the overspending and the hateful praying. Redemption for sinners – Happy Easter, indeed!

Unrelated Stuff

I am boring myself. How many different ways can I say that I took Moon to school then went to work? I’m tempted to take cold medicine again just to see if anything fun happens.

While the fact that JD is away does make life a little harder, yes, dogs, I’m talking to YOU, the good news is that I don’t have to share Moon. We’ve had fun shopping, eating out, piling on the couch in our pj’s and watching hours of Disney programming, which to be honest is exactly what we do when JD is in town.  But we didn’t have him hovering over us bringing snacks and folding our laundry. That’s so distracting, amiright?

I met with the Radigals today to watch a video and I actually stayed until it was over. So over I barely got to Moon’s school in time to pick her up. I wasn’t really worried. Girlfriend has my number and she’s not afraid to use it. She calls me about three times a week and asks me to bring her her homework. Which I do NOT do. More than twice a week cause that would just spoil her.

The best part of the day was the weather. It was still a tiny bit chilly but it was so beautiful.

The sun was hitting my house with such warmth I felt positively giddy. I was inspired.

Inspired to take a sideways artys phone photo, but still.

I Work Out.

It’s been a while since I’ve been to the gym, but I somehow managed to squeeze myself into my yoga pants and hit Planet Fitness this morning. I’d planned to use the treadmill time to catch up on a sermon podcast, but alas the old I-phone that JD gave me to use as an Ipod, looks exactly like the old I-phone that JD gave Moon and instead of being enlightened by Louie Giglio, I had a phone with 2384 games. The good news is that if you own Apple stock you can probably retire now.

Then I came home and worked, worked, worked which is so boring that I want to scream. I don’t mean my work in particular, but work in general, which is obviously different.

I picked Moon up from school and we headed to the horse barn for her riding lesson. It was uneventful except for the part where I went to the bathroom, looked up at the ceiling, and something attacked my head. I screamed and started hitting myself only to find that it was my sunglasses sliding off the back of my head and onto my shoulders. Well, that was a relief.

We stopped at WalMart on the way home for some veggies, and tennis balls, construction paper and dirt because I wanted to walk all 7000 square feet of the store, then came home for Subway sandwiches on the couch.

The worst part of the day? Just now when I realized these were the HIGHLIGHTS of my day.

Team Tyre – models of efficiency

I almost got an extra hour of sleep this morning. The bad news is that it was while I was driving home from the airport. SOMEONE had to be there by 7:15, which means we had to leave the house by 6:15, which means I had to get up at 5:45. Which would have been fine. But I am getting Moon’s cold, so I tossed and turned all night. As they are wont to do, the dogs heard me and decided to stir. Once Gitzo is up and about, you have to get her out the door or you’ll be cleaning dog poop off the floor. And sometimes, you’ll be doing that EVEN IF you stumble out of bed at 4:30 and LET HER OUT.

By the time I rolled out of bed, I’d had a combined 22 minutes of sleep. Since my throat was scratchy and sore, I decided to chug some cold medicine. Yeah, that was probably not a great idea. Luckily I had Moon in the back seat ready to yell, “Green!” so I could nap at all of the traffic lights.

I dropped her off at school, then came home and hit the sheets. That’s when the Mr. called and said his plane needed maintenance and he wouldn’t be leaving until 4 p.m.

Good times.

Groove Thangs

This was one of those awesome weekends where you do things you haven’t done in years. That’s right, I washed my windows. On the OUTSIDE. JD used a ladder and everything, and we only broke one storm-window in the process.

It was all in honor of our friend, Britt’s, 40th birthday. I know what you’re thinking, why am I hanging out with so many old people? What can I say, they just know how to party.

Carolyn and Don showed up looking like something right out of That 70’s Show. If the teenagers on That 70’s Show had 3 kids. Carolyn was sporting a red wig that was the HIT of the party.

Later, she hit on a younger man and danced to a slow jam. Carolyn earned 20 points for best wig. Unfortunately, she lost 100 points for being 2 in the 70’s.

Manatamy and her husband, whitemarginstargazergreg made an appearance. At least I think that was him, he was a little washed out. Dude, spend some time in the sun!

Carolyn’s wig made the rounds and it had some sort of magical power that made it look good on everyone.

I mean, that guy must get ALL the girls.

See, it worked for the birthday boy. Or maybe it was the dance moves. We pushed back the furniture, cranked up Play That Funky Music White Boy, and got it ON. It reminded me of growing up in the 70’s. My dad opened a bar next door to our house and I could hear the music and fun from my bedroom. I always wanted to go and join the festivities but I couldn’t.  My mom made me stay far away from the dancing, drunk adults. Which is probably why when I went to college, I ran to the first bar I could find to see what I had been missing.

My daughter won’t have to do that since we included her in all the fun. I think my superiority as a parent is evident.


Did you ever see the movie TWISTER? There’s a scene where the tornado comes barreling through a farm and picks up a cow. I know how that cow feels. In other words, it’s a busy week. I almost didn’t get to watch Game of Thrones this morning!

Moon crawled in my bed last night, honking and sniffing and otherwise making sleep impossible. Kids are so inconsiderate, amiright? Finally, when it was apparent that I wasn’t going to get any rest, I went to the bathroom and got her some medicine. Mothers are saints, I know. But because she had woken the dogs, they would not rest until I got up and fed them, (5 am!) and by the time I got back in bed it was too late. I had to get back up and make Moon’s lunch, fill out Moon’s school picture form, write a check for Moon’s photos, write a check for Moon’s school fundraiser, and sign Moon’s agenda. JD was right there beside me, helping and organizing Moon’s book bag. Except for the part where he slept through the whole ordeal.

I had planned on going back to bed when Moon went to school, but I had a show to watch, and an ad to get out by 9 am, and blah, blah, WORK. I can not wait until retirement. I’m really counting on that whole Social Security thing coming through for me. Anyone know how that’s going?

I digress. So after all that, I had to shower cause I was meeting my Radigals for some bible thumping. We were trying to make a list of companies to boycott but we got busy talking about life and just as we were getting to the good stuff – the nurse from Moon’s school called. Apparently the sniffling and snorting had continued and could you please come get your bio-hazard in leggings? I was in the MIDDLE of something. Sigh.

The bad news is Moon wasn’t faking. She came home, hit the bed, and never got out. The good news is she’s got a parent ready to be there for her tonight, no matter what time it is, to administer medicine, or wipe her sweaty brow.

And that parent would be JD. But you knew that already.

Guilty Pleasures

If violence on television makes you desensitized to it, I’m home free if anyone ever gets into a rumble in front of me. I don’t know when my taste turned to the creepy, but it’s fully there now. Okay, I don’t JUST watch creepy and violent, also stupid. Here’s a typical week of television for the adults in my house.

Monday: The Following, Continuum, Being Human, Bunheads

Tuesday: Smash

Wednesday: Dallas, Nashville, Duck Dynasty

Thursday: Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, Project Runway

Friday: Shark Tank, Grimm


Sunday: The Bible, Celebrity Apprentice, Once Upon a Time, Revenge

Since I don’t have anything on Saturday, I have to use it as catch-up time, or find something on Netflix. JD and I just borrowed the 2nd season of Game of Thrones, but we like to watch that first thing in the morning before we get to busy with stupid things like work or housecleaning.

This list doesn’t include the hours of Big Bang Theory I’m forced to watch, or all of the Disney Programming that goes on. It takes a lot of planning to fit it all in, but I manage. And by “manage”, I mean my floor has an inch of dog hair on it.

Priorities, people, priorities!

Mental Health Day

Here’s a tip that ought to be a law – if you don’t have children of your own, don’t ever think or speak about how other people should raise their kids. Case in point, a few years ago a friend told me that when her son was in 5th grade, he was so stressed over school that he needed counseling. I just remember thinking how SAD that would be. And maybe a little bit about how I would never be one of THOSE parents.

Yeah, about that. Imagine my surprise this morning when my daughter began to wail about how she didn’t want to go to school and how her whole life was nothing but studying, school, tutoring, school, CRCT, Study-Island, and tutoring. Even JD, whose normally quite the cynic, came home saying perhaps we should lay off the kid for a day or two.

I don’t blame her for hating school. I HATE school. All the tests and papers and MATH. I’m firmly convinced that unless your job involves bringing a broken down rocket from the moon, you can get by in life with a 5th grade knowledge of mathematics. I haven’t multiplied fractions since my own 5th grade tests, and somehow I’ve managed to make a fairly good living creating ads that are 7.5 x 4.68 inches. The fact that I have to GOOGLE “decimal converter” on a regular basis is beside the point, that’s why God created Internet search engines.

Because I’m really NOT one of those mom’s, I picked up my daughter from school early. I made her put on her pj’s, get a bowl full of snacks, burrow under a fluffy blanket on the couch and watch TV all evening. No homework allowed!

It was a big success. So much so that I’ve instituted it as official Team Tyre policy. For me, I mean. She’s got a big test coming up and we’ve already lost a day. What?  3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions and if I have anything to do with it, she’s not going to be one of them!

All Play and No Work

Would make me a very happy girl. But alas, until I win the lottery, I actually have to get money the old-fashioned way, milking the time clock.

JD and I went out of town over the weekend to work together on a project. We drove 8 hours to Raleigh where I wrote copy while JD photographed interiors and exteriors. Because we’re not stupid, we took along a company executive to pay for everything. I would like to go on record and say that I am a fan of the expense account. And while I’m a fan of my job, I would consider leaving my current position for another one with an even BIGGER expense account. I can be bought.

The first night, we had dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. Because I’ve suddenly fallen Vegan, my choices were limited. I had bread and olive oil to start, then bread with a mushroom topping as an appetizer, then a personal pizza with no cheese, so basically bread with basil and tomato. Thank goodness I haven’t become gluten-free or I would have starved. The good news is, I stayed on the vegan diet. The bad news is, I’m now officially 300 pounds. It’s true. JD had me stand in for a few photos while he adjusted his lights, and I actually blotted out the sun.

Perhaps I just feel fat because my mother came to town and left me some vintage clothes. Waiting on my bed were about 5 jackets, 3 dresses and 2 pantsuits. I assume these were for normal women of the past, and obviously “normal” women weighed 79 pounds. ONE of the outfits, the one with an elastic band around the waist, actually fit me. The others fit Moon, and only after she lay down on the bed to get them zipped. Now not only do I get to compare my horrid BMI to the women I see everyday, but also to all the women who’ve gone before. I am considering a year-long juice fast. Also, breaking my jaw and having it wired shut for 30 pounds, I mean days.

Sunday we went to church, out to eat AGAIN, then home where I sat on the couch and considered cleaning the house, while Moon played outside with friends. It was a nice way to wind down from the busy weekend. Which I needed, since work has asked that I come in on Monday for a meeting. Didn’t I just give these people 2 entire days of my life? Now they want MORE? The only reason I said yes, is there’s a part of me that’s hoping it’s to tell me what a good job I’m doing, and give me my own American Express card. Granted, it’s not a large part, like my butt or anything.

I should probably call and have someone clock me in now just to be safe.

A Day Without Zolligirl

Man, I thought no one was reading. But not only did my sister call to chastise me about the lack of posts, but my brother sent a hateful text as well. They are so mean!

I was GOING to post, but it’s hard when nothing exciting happens. This was the post I wrote, then discarded:

Do NOT go and get your eyebrows waxed by my girl if you don’t want to hear some hard truths. In the two minutes it took to get my eyes looking decent, I heard:

Do you want your lip done too? Whew, you’ve waited too long. Why are you flinching? Are you going to cry? Does it hurt? Well, you have a LOT of hair. It looks so much better now.

It was like having a beauty treatment administered by my mother.

Not my best work. So I said to heck with it and watched another episode of Game of Thrones.

But today I actually did something interesting. I went out of town for work. That’s right, while I normally sit on the couch in my pj’s and work on the laptop, I’m NOW in North Carolina, wearing my pj’s and working on my laptop. It’s totally different. Plus my husband is with me. Apparently, he’s an awesome photographer.

It’s been a great trip so far. We drove for 8 hours with him in the front and me in the back. Then we went to the community where I dropped him off, went to the hotel for check-in, then back to pick him up for dinner. Not that he actually got to eat. He told me what to order him “To Go”, then went back to shoot while I enjoyed 890 grams of carbs and some wine. Best. Working. Relationship. Ever.

We also brought my friend, John, along so he could pay for everything. I’m thinking this business-trip stuff is pretty sweet.

My mom and Aunt Fay are in town watching Moon while I’m away, and by “watching”, I mean they’ve enlisted her to carry all their stuff while they yard-sale. Another great working relationship. The ability to work with others must run in the family.

Well, except for a certain brother-sister duo, that is.