Moron Test Kitchen – All Natural Cookies

I don’t really know the name of these cookies, but my friend Mantamy sent me the recipe, and since they have no butter, oil, flour, or sugar, it was either “All Natural” or “Nothing Good In These Cookies”. I thought All Natural might rank higher on google.

Anyway –

Take 3 ripe bananas and mash.

Add in 3 cups of rolled oats.

Add 1.5 cups of chopped dates.

Next, add 1 cup of unsweetened apple sauce. Also 2 tsp. of vanilla.

Mix well and let sit for 15 minutes. Then drop by spoonfuls on ungreased cookie sheet. Cook at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes.

I’ve made this recipe twice. The first time I only used 1/3 cup of applesauce and 1 cup of dates and they were so thick and dry no one would eat them. Well, no one who hadn’t been living on juice for the past month. I tried to serve it to Tania-the-mad and the rest of the gang but they spit them out pretty quickly.

Not to be discouraged, I remade them with the recipe above and they were better. I took them to church and gave them to friends and they didn’t spit them out! Okay, they WANTED to spit them out but the whole church thing prevented it.

Moron Test Grade – D.

Mantamy said hers were good, so either she did things a little differently, or she’s been on a diet so long her taste buds have adjusted to like chewy cardboard.

History has shown that most people do a LOT of things differently than I do.

Random Photos

Every now and then I like to go through my computer and look at photos that didn’t make the blog.

My husband has so many t-shirts I secretly throw them away when he’s not looking. I’m totally kidding, they’re at the cleaners getting the heavy starch.

If you don’t know the significance of Gitzo’s toenails, then you’ve obviously never spent the night at my house. Nothing says, “Welcome to Chez Tyre” like the clickety-clack of toenails on the floor at 3 a.m.

I REALLY enjoyed my niece, Alaska Ashleigh, when she was here. She worked at the retirement community and would bring us dinner in the evenings. I could stand some pork chops and apple sauce about now.

This was on the blog before, but when I saw it today I was struck at how little they looked. What the WHAT? Where has my little girl gone? And when is Chick-fil-a giving away food again?

I’ve got no explanation.

A Vintage Weekend

Kittens, I am beat. I guess that’s what happens when you gather with a bunch of women and run nonstop from dawn to dusk. The group descended on Thursday and we stayed up late planning the show. And by “planning the show”, I mean catching up on the lives of all the people we know.

On Friday morning we went to yard sales because we couldn’t just sit around and enjoy a quiet moment. That would be INSANE. Nothing brings a group of women together like riding around and looking through strangers stuff.

On the car ride I learned two valuable bits of information:

1. Heated seats make you constipated. Hattip, Bertha

2. People who wear thumb rings are trouble. Thank you, Donna

Friday afternoon we began setting up for the show, and I don’t like to besmirch the elderly, but OH M GEE. Grumpy old woman with OCD issues hovering over us the entire time we set up + beautiful, skinny models trying on clothes that won’t fit over my knees= me lifting the alcohol ban for the first time in months.

Beautiful Alli.

Beautiful Kathryn.

They looked so good in the clothes I couldn’t even hate them. For instance:

Not only were the models and the clothes beautiful, but the AUDIENCE looked great too.

The fact that I now have this same haircut is a total coincidence. I just happened to need a new one. A week after I just got a one.

After the show we were EXHAUSTED, but that didn’t stop us from partying down. At Alli’s 1st birthday party.

I think she was excited. Or freaked out, whichever.

She looks just like her dad. Especially in that “I freak out for cupcakes” way.

The weekend was tons of work but tons of fun, and I enjoyed hanging with the family immensely. It was great to spend time working with my mother and I learned a lot from her.

Like if you wear a fuzzy black sweater all day, when you take it off, it might leave residue in some very interesting places. And how to entertain a house full of people. My mom is a treasure chest of information.

Mayhem

Kittens, I don’t have time to write since I have a living room full of crazy people. You understand, right? We’re catching up on all the going’s on, looking at jewelry that didn’t make it into the show, and basically laughing ourselves silly over nothing.

We’re getting up early in the morning to go yard sale shopping for MORE stuff, cause if this family has a motto it’s “More is More.” Well, that or “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” Either work.

More later, WITH PICTURES.

Hair Double

In preparation for the big vintage fashion show on Saturday, I had my hair cut. I called JD on the way home and told him to brace himself. “It’s sort of a blonde version of Frankie Heck.”

Seriously. But I part my on the side, not the middle. Than I saw Nancy Grace on tv and thought, “That’s more like it.”

Mine’s a little longer than hers but it looks a lot like this. Or maybe it’s the facial expression that’s familiar. But then I went to SLEEP. The next morning, I looked in the mirror and thought, “NOW I know who has this cut!”

Except he styles his better.

Moron Test Kitchen – Fudge Babies

My friend Keekle gave me this recipe that she got from Chocolate Covered Katie. It’s super simple and delish, and RAW.

You need 1 cup of dates, 1 cup of walnuts, 2 tsp vanilla, 1 tablespoon cocoa.

I chop my dates, but Keekle just throws hers straight into the food processor. MY food processor isn’t strong enough to chop them up which is weird because I paid $14.00 dollars for it at an estate sale. The first time I made these, the dates looked like big roach bodies. Yum.

Same with the walnuts. Please, excuse the paper plate. With the price of walnuts being what it is, I should have presented these on a silver platter. Next time.

The original recipe calls for more cocoa powder, but I think 1 tablespoon is enough. Play around and see what YOU think.

I don’t have a photo of the vanilla, just use your imagination. Keekle says once she’s mixed everything up in her processor, she just rolls them into little balls and she’s done. Mine won’t really stick together very well, so I add 1/8 cup of coconut milk.

I put them in the fridge for about 15 minutes but I’m not sure that’s even necessary. Most of what I do in the kitchen isn’t.

Moron Test Grade – A! These are yummy, healthy, all-natural and raw. Which is why I felt compelled to eat 7200 of them. I don’t know how many calories they have, but Keekle and Katie are both very slim, and that’s good enough for me.

The Day After Tomorrow

Somewhere between 4 and 10 people will be coming to stay at my house.

This is my spare bedroom. I only have 1.

This is the spare bathroom. I’m thinking with between 4 and 10 women, we’re going to need it.

You might think I’m stressing, but you’d be wrong. If we don’t get the work finished, someone will just have to sleep in a tent outside. And by “someone”, I totally mean Tania-the-Mad. But I’m sure we’ll get the work done. JD and I are going to get right on it right after we finish watching Dancing-with-the-Stars, The Biggest Loser, Revenge, Project Runway, Chuck and everything on Netflix.

Showing the Kids A Good Time

So Thursday, our niece called to see what we were doing this weekend because she was considering coming for a visit. I told her that other than hanging with Robert Pattison of Twilight fame for some help on his make-out scenes, I was free. Surprisingly, she decided to drive right up.

And then we put her to work.

Hey, it wasn’t like she showed up with a migraine, couldn’t go out to eat cause she threw up in the parking lot, and had to take medication so she could fall into bed in a dead sleep. Oh, yeah, it WAS like that. But if there’s one thing my mother taught me, it’s you can be just as sick working as you can be in bed.

Once she figured out this wasn’t an infirmary ward, she got into the spirit of things.

She’s not riding without a helmet. She’s sitting perfectly still in front of a wind machine.

In an effort to show her a good time, we went to Big Lots, Lowes, church and a rug store. AND a restaurant called Cow Tippers.

Robert Pattinson didn’t actually show up, but she found some hot chocolate on sale at Big Lots, so at least she got something out of the deal.