I was walking through WalMart last week, relishing the fact that I was alone and unhurried, when it occurred to me that the things that make me happy today are much different than they were in my twenties. Back then, a Friday night Happy Hour and a Dress Barn credit card were more my speed. Now, I leave those exciting adventures to others. Here’s a few things that happened today that made my day special.

1. I got to work while watching a Wimbledon semi-finals match on television. Azarenka won, whoo hoo!

2. Church time with the Lady Radicals rocked. We decided to get even MORE radical.

3. While dumpster diving for coupons, I found a cute rug in earth tones. Total score!

4. My brother had a minor emergency and asked me to pick up Baby Allison from daycare. I got to kiss her about the head and shoulders repeatedly.

5. My brother asked if they mentioned her diarrhea. I got to hand her to JD and go play bridge.

6. Uh, BRIDGE?

I think I know why this blog isn’t more popular. It’s just too exciting for the regular person to relate to.

Old People Do the Funniest Things

Don’t give me grief about this, cause I LIKE old people. I work with old people, I play bridge with old people, my sister is an old person – I’m their biggest fan. But they do and say funny things. For instance…

I mentioned that while we were in Virginia, Moon Pie projectile vomited across Tania-the-Mad’s living-room. I yelled for help and she brought me a trash can, some gloves and some bleach to clean up the mess. Then, for some strange reason, she gave me a large ice bucket lined with paper towels in case Moon was sick during the night. It looked something like this –

Moon did get sick, several more time. Finally around 7 a.m. I heard everyone stirring, and since it had been hours since my daughter had used the bucket, I threw the contents away. I rinsed it out with hot water, but because Tania was really low on dish-washing liquid, I filled it with a tiny bit of soapy water and left it in the sink. I figured Tania would get some bleach or more dish-washing liquid later. Then I went to eat breakfast with the rest of the family.

As we sat around talking a few minutes later, Tania realized that the breakfast dishes had been done. Granny had washed them in the BUCKET and put them away in her cabinets.  Delicious!

MTK- Easy Potato Soup

Tania-the-Mad announced last weekend that she had to make a pot of soup for the fashion show, and I immediately started thinking of excuses why I couldn’t help. I didn’t come all the way to Virginia to spend my nights peeling potatoes. I came all the way to Virginia to sleep on an inch-thick mattress covered in plastic and dodge falling boulders! But Tania-the-Mad assured me this was a VERY easy potato soup recipe. And I’ve got to say – for once in her life, she was telling the truth.

This is it – 2 cans of Cream of Potato soup, 2 cans of diced potatoes, a pint of half-and-half, and a stick of butter. Or margarine. Or whatever Blue Bonnet is.

Throw it in a pot and heat it. I brought mine to a boil and threw in a pinch of salt because that sounded like something a real cook would do, then simmered it awhile. Then I scooped it in a bowl.

Ta-da, Easy Potato Soup! Tania-the-Mad went a little Martha Stewart on us and put bowls of shredded cheese and bacon out for toppings, but I’ve got nothing to prove, so I just added a bit of pepper and called it a day.

Moron Test Grade- A’s all around! Easiest Potato Soup recipe EVER, and yummy. JD ate 3 bowls and asked for more.

I said no, of course, what does he think this is -an all-you-can-eat buffet? Besides, I needed to rest- all that can opening wears a girl out.

A Bridge Post!

I want to have a bridge party soon to introduce the basics to a few friends. Obviously, I can’t really TEACH bridge, but my goal is to get everyone interested enough to go to the bridge club and take lessons. Here are a couple of bridge videos to show you what it’s all about.

1. The basics –

2. The Excitement of Real Bridge

Did you notice the table giving the videographer mean looks and waving him away? That would never actually happen. They would have yelled at him LOUDLY, then called the Director over for an average+ board due to the distraction.

Now, who wants to PARTY?

Random Things about My Weekend in Virginia

1. I had a dream that I was running for Alderman. I was going door to door telling people how to pronounce my name. I remember thinking, “This could be the start of something BIG.”

2. The view from my sister’s front porch. Last time I visited her, there was a story on the front page of the newspaper about a man who died when a rock came crashing down the mountain and landed on his living-room. Where he was sitting, apparently.

3. Moon and I slept in my sister’s RV. It was a nice RV to be sure, but it occurred to me that I’ve visited Tania-the-Mad three times over the last ten years and I had yet to sleep INSIDE the house. She slept outside with us just to make it seem fair.

4. Since we were sleeping outside in a vehicle with tin walls, I didn’t mention #2 to MoonPie.

5. Tania-the-Mad took us on a tour of her town and then we went shopping because we needed a few thangs.

6. Luckily, they had a store full.

7. Bad News: Moon got sick our last night there and projectile vomited on Tania-the-Mad’s floor. Good News: I finally got to sleep in the house! Oh, and Moon is better.

8. My daughter was bought/given three pairs of shoes, a hat, a pair of gloves, a Justin Bieber watch, a t-shirt, a bracelet, a ring and ten dollars. There may be other things, I lost count.

9. I met a Secret Service agent who told me cool stories about his job. None of which I can repeat. OR can I? Check back often.

10. My sister, mom and friend Donna went shopping. Out of the back of a van that some woman parked on the side of the street.

11. Alaska Ashleigh rescued two baby birds and took them to raise. And by “raise”, I mean she showed us how to feed them and went out with her friends. Baby birds are bossy. So is Alaska Ashleigh.

12. I had a dream that I was dating Novak Djokovic. When I remembered that I was actually still married, I felt really bad. For Novak Djokovi. I thought, “He’s going to be really upset.”

11. Tania-the-Mad hosted us all for a Vintage Fashion Show weekend and it was awesome. Well, except for the projectile vomiting. Other than that spot on the couch, it all cleaned up nicely, so I’m sure we’ll be invited back soon. Outside, of course.

Moron Test Kitchen – Baked Spaghetti Recipe

Kittens, Zolligirl is on the road, working from a secure location deep in coal mining country, where “Holler” is both a noun and a verb. As everyone gathered in the kitchen, Zolligirl noticed all of the fixings for one of her all time favorites – Baked Spaghetti, and offered to do a Moron Test Kitchen.

Her offer was refused. Odd.

So this is a Kitchen post, minus the moron. Unless you count the photographer.

First you need spaghetti. And a steady hand to focus.

Normally Zolligirl just browns some meat and throws on the sauce, but these cooks wanted to be all fancy like. They sauteed mushrooms and green peppers. They also opted to use ground turkey instead of beef.

Once the turkey was browned, they put some sauce in a pan, and dumped everything together. Since they were feeding the entire family plus 6’4″ Joseph, they used a huge jar of Ragu.

Next take the spaghetti and place it in a baking dish. Add a TON of mozzarella. Seriously, a TON.

Bake at 350 degrees until the cheese has melted into a yummy goo of deliciousness.

Yumola! Moron Test Grade A+. Cheap, easy and delicious. And just like Zolligirl likes it – prepared by other people!

In the News

Because you don’t have all day to surf the internet, I thought I’d catch you up on the latest –

Sports News:

Venus Williams fights to a Wimbledon win in the SECOND round by the skin of her teeth.

Who Knew News:

Skin of one’s teeth is biblical, from Job 19:20

Celebrity News:

Glen Campbell has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

US News:

Minot, North Dakota is flooding.

Political News

Jon Huntsman’s parents apparently not voting for him.

My Husband will Understand News:

George Clooney is now free to announce his love for me.

Zolligirl News

Someone got a cute haircut.

MTK- Heartburn Free Chicken and Pasta

I know, right? ANOTHER Moron Test Kitchen, two in a row? It’s like this. I was reading some information about Google searches and it turns out that Acid Reflux is one of the most searched items on the internet. Who knew? And while I was looking around, I found an easy recipe that is supposed to be good for people suffering from Acid Reflux. And I was hungry.

So here goes:

Cube 4 chicken breasts. I only had 2 but they were big and I’m not going to go all legalistic on my dinner.

Next, start the pasta. The recipe called for bowtie or rotini, but this is what I had.

In a bowl, combine 1 cup of FAT FREE sour cream, a pinch of salt, a pinch of oregano, and a pinch of dried basil. I could only find LOW-fat sour cream and since I was out of basil, I used rosemary. I searched for “foods to be avoided when you have acid reflux” and rosemary was not on any list so I think we’re safe. The recipe said that Fat-Free Sour Cream was much better for people that have acid reflux so don’t get snooty and insist on the good stuff.

Coat a skillet with Pam and brown the chicken. It should take about 8 minutes, which is about how long the pasta took to cook. Convenient!

Add the chicken to the sour cream mixture. This is when I realized that I had put the sour cream in a small bowl and had to move it to something bigger. Learn from my mistake.

Next add the pasta to the mixture, and blend it all together.

Voila! Okay, this was not great, mainly because the sour cream was yucky. If you know of a good low-fat sour cream, it might be okay. JD gave it 3.75 out of 5 stars though, so if I actually suffered from Acid Reflux, I’d probably make this a lot. It was EASY.

I added more oregano and salt, (who the heck knows what a pinch is anyway??) and it was better. Moron Test Grade – A for ease, C for taste, A because it works. I don’t have a bit of heartburn!


Moron Test Kitchen – Frozen Banana Soft-Serve

Kittens, a friend of mine sent me the link for a website called Eat, Live, Run because I like to do 2 of those 3 things. As I am wont to do, I went down the rabbit trail of clicking on her links which eventually led me to another site called, and I’m not making this up, Choosing Raw. Yes, a site for people who only eat raw food. It reminds me of when I used to do Yoga on Inhale, and I saw an interview with Steve Ross, the star/teacher. They asked about his diet and he said something like, “I rarely eat, but when I do, it’s 100% raw.

There is a better chance that you’ll one day hear me say, “I humbly accept your nomination for President of the United States,” than the above sentence.

Where was I? So I found a recipe that says it will change my life – making bananas into something resembling soft serve yogurt. Let’s give it a whirl.

First you freeze the bananas. Easy enough.

Then you use a food processor to whip them together. I don’t REALLY know what qualifies as a “food processor” but I had this thing with blades so I thought I’d give it a shot. Hmmm. Not working.

Okay, then I have THIS thing that looks like it ought to be used for something food related. Let’s try it.

Much better. It does look like soft serve yogurt. How does it taste?

Meh. Just okay. I mean, MAYBE if I had a 100% raw diet, this would seem good to me, but since I have a 100% sugar diet, it was a little too bland. And I should probably mention that I don’t love bananas. Maybe I should try one more bite.

Oh yeah, NOW we’re talking.

Moron Test Grade – A for ease, A for being cheap, C for being bananas.

Father’s Song

Because Matt Redman is going to be at Passion City Church next Sunday, and

Because it’s still Father’s Day as I write this, and

Because I’m still recovering from an eight hour drive caused by the Atlanta DOT’s decision to close three lanes of I-75,