My Mailman thinks I’m Crazy

Which is so NOT the case. My MOTHER is crazy.

The UPS man already thinks I drink. Just because I come to the door in my robe at two o’clock in the afternoon does NOT mean I drink. And the empty beer bottle in my hand is for my cigarette ashes. Don’t judge me.

Anyway, the point is that the mailman chose THIS day to leave my mail on the front porch. And my mother chose THIS day to buy six naked mannequins and dump them on the front porch.

Coincidence? I don’t think so. Mother 1, Me 0. It’s going to be a long weekend.

Seriously, men!

A few weeks ago I blogged about a new fashion trend – high heels for men. Then today I read this article which says a third of adults still sleep with a stuffed animal.

And 25 per cent of men polled said they took their teddy away with them on business because it reminded them of home.

What the heck? My dad could kill a bear. My husband can COOK a bear. Now chances are my son-in-law will SLEEP with a bear? Poor MoonPie. How is she going to know WHO to marry? What if that boy she thinks is all THAT ends up sleeping with his Mr. Snuggles? I guess we’ll just have to watch and wait. But if he wants to register at Build-a-Bear, the wedding is OFF.

The Time is Now…

or this weekend. My mom, Aunt Faye and Aunt Ann are arriving on Thursday with one goal – to find cheap treasures at every yard sale, garage sale, estate sale and moving sale in a forty mile radius. If the truck is not filled to the brim, with Ann riding back to Tennessee straddling a basket of knick knacks, they are not satisfied.

So, if you want to clean out your house, but can’t afford the roll-off dumpster, stick a “HUGE YARD SALE” sign in your front yard. We’ll be there before you roll out of bed. Seriously, we’ll be in your driveway, going through your garage before you even get UP, waving dollar bills.

It’s what we do best.

Read this book!

It’s been out for awhile, but if you somehow missed it – find a copy today!

It’s the story of a man, a wanna-be race car driver, who marries, has a daughter and the drama that befalls them. And it’s told from the dog’s point of view. Funny, heart-wrenching, and moving. And it’s told from the DOG’S point of view. Like the DOG wrote the book.

In a related story, my dog eats poop. I have witnesses.

Product Review

The other day I found a coupon for cookies which made them about 25 cents. I grabbed a couple of packages off the shelf without really thinking, and tonight decided to make them for dessert. I took ONE bite and immediately grabbed the camera. These things need to be broadcast far and wide!

The have chocolate filling inside! Yumola.

I was trying to take a picture of the inside to show you how yummy they looked when I dropped it on the floor. 🙁

I sat there looking at it for a full 8 seconds, trying to decide if I could somehow still eat it. Finally, I threw it in the trash.

As far as you know.

Fun on the Farm

MoonPie had a riding lesson today, so I invited her BFF Jemi to tag along. JD came too, specifically, to take pictures. But then he didn’t. It might have had something to do with the fact that it was 102 degrees. Anyway, with just a few minutes left, I finally took charge and made him go bring ME the camera. Ok, I made him bring me the camera, turn it on, adjust the settings and make sure it was focused. But I chose the subject!

I’m convinced we could make a million bucks off this kid if her mother would just let us. I’m all like, “She should be a super-model,” and her mom is all like, “She should be a doctor.” Hello? Doctors don’t date rock stars!

Yeah, I think I’ve made my point.

I May or May Not Relate

I went to Verizon today. It took them 45 minutes to wait on me. FORTY-FIVE minutes. I’ve had doctor exams done quicker. The point is, as I sat there stewing, watching the employees take personal phone calls and go on break, I REALLY wanted to throw something.

Unfortunately I didn’t have a beer bottle with me. I would have been ALL up in somebody’s face.

As it was, I had to be content with taking down the corporate office address. They can expect a STERN letter.

Doesn’t really have You Tube potential. Bummer.

Writing Update

I haven’t posted lately about my endeavors to be a PUBLISHED author, so I thought I’d give you a quick update. Where were we? Oh yeah, two agents had requested my manuscript, given it high praise, but REJECTED it. Sure they had both offered to read it again with revision, but they weren’t falling over themselves to have me sign on the dotted line. I REALLY want to sign on the dotted line!

Just as I was beginning to revise, a third agent requested the manuscript. I sent it, then decided to wait on revision. What if she likes it, but ALSO had revision ideas? So I wrote a few short stories and plotted out my second novel. When I hadn’t heard back from anyone, I figured no news was good news.

Turns out no news is just no news. I finally emailed to ask if they had read it and it seems it got LOST in the shuffle. Sigh. The good news is that they did ask for it again, so I should know something soon. AND the agent profile is very promising.

I’ll let you know when I know something. Until then, I’ll just keep plugging away at my new book. I’m actually being productive. Public School is AWESOME!