The look of Zolligirl has changed, but it’s only temporary. I’ll get to that in a minute. Hang in there with me because today’s post is going to ramble, and weave and probably tell you things about the way I think that will make you go, “WACKO”, but there will be a point.
Speaking of points, did you know this blog has one? I understand if you didn’t realize, it’s taken me a while to figure it out too. The point, beyond aggravating my mother and sharing my awesome cooking skills, is to encourage you. It’s my hope that when you’re upset because you’ve burned dinner, you’ll think “Geesh, that Zolligirl can’t even boil an EGG. Why should I be so upset.” Or if you look around your house and see that it’s a mess, you think back to how my living room looks on a semi-weekly basis and know that it’s okay. Seriously, if I can look around at my crazy life/family and still get up and keep going, you can too. Which brings me to my Holy Sunday post.
A few Sunday’s ago, I wrote about the book, Fearless by Max Lucado. I mentioned that I’ve battled fear my whole life, but I didn’t really give you the clear picture of just how nutty I am. As a child, I was blessed with a great imagination. For instance, my father would leave me in the truck while he ran inside to get us a Coke. I would think to myself, “He’s not REALLY going to get me something to drink, he’s rigged the pickup to EXPLODE. He’s trying to KILL me.” Which of course was totally ridiculous because everyone knows he would have just used a hammer. I think he spanked me twice my entire life, but STILL. Fear doesn’t rely on logic.
The 70’s were the worst. I saw the movies Helter Skelter and Jaws within a couple of years of each other. I bet I prayed for three solid years that Charles Manson wouldn’t be let out of prison, because I was convinced he would come to Zollicoffer and KILL me. And Jaws? Don’t even get me started.
As I got older, it was a little easier to control the fear. Sharks? I’d just stay out of the ocean FOREVER. Charles Manson? By the time he got out he’d be so old, I was pretty sure I could kick his booty. My dad? I’ll go inside and get my OWN Coke, thank you very much.
Fear was managed. And then. I got married and became a mother. Holy cow, there’s danger everywhere! JD knows that he if he doesn’t answer the phone, I’m pretty sure he’s been involved in a horrible accident. The MoonPie? How she’s managed to sleep with me coming in and checking on her every hour is a mystery.
Fear is my middle name. And I HATE it. It’s no way to live, and deep down I know this – it’s about trust. Or rather my LACK of trust in God. If I really believed that no matter what, He’s got it all worked out, wouldn’t I let go of this stuff? I mean, I KNOW that He’s much more capable of taking care of my family than I am. So do I trust Him to do it? And if something happens to me or them, isn’t this a two-part story anyway? Won’t I see them again? What control do I have anyway? Evil is everywhere and it’s only God’s grace that has gotten this far. Fear doesn’t help, trust does.
So. I’m sick of the fear and I’m letting it go. I am going to trust God. I am going to do what I believe He’s leading me to do, even though it is WAY out of my comfort zone. I am going to get on a PLANE, and fly to a FOREIGN country. I am going to leave my husband and darling daughter for TWO WEEKS. Just writing it brings tears to my eyes. But I believe this journey is a great step toward a new path. I want to teach my daughter a lot of things, but FEAR is not one of them. The plane ticket has been purchased and on Easter Sunday I’ll be leaving for INDIA. I know, right?
All of this to say – if I can go to India, you can do whatever it is that you’ve been avoiding. If I can trust more, you can trust more. Even with the fear, I’m really excited about what God is going to show me on this journey. He has great things in store for me and for you. Don’t miss it!
PS. Yeah, about that plane ticket. If you’d like to support my trip to India – (which I forgot to mention is a church thing, not a Lisa goes vacationing thing), feel free to click that nifty little PayPal button on the left. I might even bring you back something. Hopefully, it won’t be malaria.