Feel better about your own weight

A couple of years ago I began Weight Watchers. And while the weight didn’t drop off quickly, I did eventually get really, really skinny. So skinny in fact that my Father-in-law pulled me aside and asked me if I’d been sick. Ahhh. Good times.

Slowly but surely I began to gain back the weight. That’s when a few friends confided that they had thought all along that I’d  gotten tooooo skinny. As one friend said, “I didn’t say anything cause I knew you thought you looked great, but you didn’t.” My friends are wonderful, they can tell me I’m egotistical AND ugly in one sentence. So now, I’m here.

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Wow, they were right. I look so much BETTER. At least no one is going to accuse me of being sick.

Changes

My sweet 7 year old spent the night away from home last night. It wasn’t the first time. Hello, I’m not one of those crazy, clinging mothers’. She has spent at least 6 or 7 nights away, that’s practically one a YEAR! But while I SENT a 7 year old, I RECEIVED a 12 year old back.

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What’s up with the fancy hairdo?

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A manicure? I thought you hated manicures!

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I may have to sit down a minute. It’s happening too fast. I want my 7 year old back!

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Hey, what are you doing?

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I am NOT a Chickfila sandwich. You can not EAT me.

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Stand down, child. Get back!

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Aiiihhhhhh!

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And just like that she’s 7 again. Whew.

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She had me worried.

Holy Sunday

A last minute gift idea.

Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth: Prayers of

Walter Brueggemann

An example below:

The Din Undoes Us

(written in anticipation of reading 1 Samuel 2-3: [Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening])

Our lives are occupied territory…
occupied by a cacophony of voices,
and the din outdoes us.

In the daytime we have no time to listen,
beset as we are by anxiety and goals
and assignments and work,
and in the night the voices are so confusing
we can hardly sort out what could possibly be your voice
from the voice of our mothers and our fathers
our best friends and our pet projects,
because they all sound so much like you.

We are people over whom that word shema has been written.
We are listeners, but we do not listen well.

So we bid you, by the time the sun goes down today
or by the time the sun comes up tomorrow,
by night or by day,
that you will speak to us in ways that we can hear
out beyond ourselves.

It is your speech to us that carries us where we have never been,
and it is your speech to us that is our only hope.
So give us ears.

Amen.

We don’t need no stinkin’ patches

So you might have noticed that I’ve been posting quite a bit about BROWNIES. That’s because they have taken over my life. I spend most of my days going to troop meetings and field trips, selling Girl Scout goodies, or trying to complete some crazy TRY-IT so the MoonPie can get yet another patch.

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I was IN Brownies. This is how I remember it – go to a meeting, drink some bad Kool-aid, come home with no patches. For some reason, I was under the impression that getting patches was hard. It seemed like the only way to score one was to go camping for three days, in the RAIN, and build a fire using only two sticks and a piece of twine.

Here’s a patch we got the other day:

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It’s the Unlock the Mystery patch for emailing 12 people and asking them to buy Girl Scout nuts. I guess the “mystery” is figuring out how many family members will actually delete your email without reading it.

Then there’s this one. She EARNED it on Saturday.

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She watched a play. She WATCHED a play. She didn’t act in one, or produce one, or hand out flyers to guests as they came in. She showed up and sat in a chair. This will go great with the one she got for looking at the Fire Department’s truck and walking in a parade.

Has Brownies changed that much over the years, or did my mother just refuse to take me to anything? Never mind. I think I just Unlocked the Mystery.

By the way, Girl Scout Cookies go on sale in about a week. Expect an email.

FAQ

I thought I’d take a moment to answer a few of the letters I’ve received here at Zolligirl.

Q. How do you find things to write about every day?

A. I am a keen observer of the world around me. I just have to express myself and look for inspiration everywhere I go. The desire to share my vision with the world keeps me going. That, and fear of what my mother will do if I miss a day.

Q. Is your family really as crazy as you imply?

A. No, they are much crazier.

Q. This isn’t really a question, I just wanted to say Thank You for what you do. Your blog has inspired me so much, that I’ve actually started my OWN blog. Not that it could ever be as clever and as uplifting as yours, but I appreciate you sharing your creativity with the world.

A. You’re welcome Ammo Guy.

If you have questions of your own, feel free to contact me at zgirl@zolligirl.com!

More advice because it worked so well before

Last week, we had a REALLY bad day of homeschooling. It went something like this:

Me: Do your schoolwork.

MP: OKAY, OKAY, I AM!

Me: (Twenty minutes later) Why are you stirring your juice with your pencil? Get to work.

MP: Okay, okay, I AM!

Me: (FOUR hours later) You’ve only written TWO sentences? It’s been FOUR hours. Get to work.

MP: I AM, OKAY?

We finally finished at bedtime. This is the point where I renounced homeschooling and searched online for all private, Christian school in the surrounding area and did a cost analysis on each. Then I decided to give homeschooling another chance.

I was lamenting my day to a dear friend who insisted I come right over so she could give me this book:

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Believe or not, it does not involve a lobotomy. Anyway, so far, so good. For the past two days, she’s been finished with schoolwork by NOON, has had a great attitude and is keeping her bedroom clean! And all with very little prompting from me. I highly recommend it.

Now if he would only write one for dogs!

Moron Test Kitchen – Sugar Cookie Christmas Mix

You know the ones? People give them as Christmas gifts every year.

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Basic recipe. My idea was to make those cute, shaped sugar cookies and decorate them with icing.

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In mixing bowl, combine mix with 1/2 cup of butter. I used the 50/50 cause I am very serious about my health and transfats. Or I might have had a coupon.

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3 tablespoons of milk. Again, I’m a health nut, so I went with Smart Balance.

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Take a moment and pick out some cute Christmas cookie cutters.

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Add in one egg. Remark how a couple of tiny shells won’t be all that noticeable.

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Hmm. Notice that it looks kinda soupy for  laying out and cutting with cookie cutters.

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Come up with the brilliant idea to just lay the cookie cutter on the foil, then spoon in the mixture. Look we’ve got trees, and gingerbread men and snowflakes. Hmmm. Says it should make 24 but I only count 9. Strange. No matter. Pop them in the oven at 375 for 10 minutes.

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Uh. What?

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Plan B. Decorate them anyway.

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Ahh. There’s my tree.

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And look at our snowman, awesome. Moron Test Grade – never mind. I don’t think I can blame this one on the sugar cookie recipe. Unlike the other failed test kitchens that were TOTALLY their fault.

Insight into my world

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This is me. This is me 90% of the time. Well, a lot of the time I’m in my robe, but otherwise, this is me all day, all night, and most weekends, staring at the darn computer. My poor family, this is the view they get on a daily basis.

I guess it could be worse. This is the view I get –

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We need to get out more.

The post where I give advice.

I admit that there’s not a lot to learn from this blog, but can I please give you a piece of advice this Christmas? Please, do not, under ANY circumstances, participate in a Dirty Santa. Dirty Santas’, where you can open a new gift or TAKE someone else’s, are from the devil. The only person happy is the one who STEALS the one decent gift, breaks the hearts of their family and friends, and basically RUINS Christmas for everyone.

I might know a little something about this. You see, there was this party. And my MOTHER decided it would be funny to wrap up a gift that she knew I had been looking for-  FOR YEARS. See, she was going to give it to me, but that would have been too SIMPLE. No, she and my SISTER, thought it would be funny to tell everyone else to STEAL it, and pretend that they were not going to give it to me.

I might have cried a little. It had been a very tough year.

The POINT is, my family is evil. Can I come to your house for Christmas?