I admit it, my house is not a show place. After being gone for several days, we spent yesterday dragging out all of our Christmas ornaments/trees/dancingSanta’s. Then I just left them where they landed. I was still tired from sitting in Thanksgiving traffic. Add in the dirty clothes from our trip, the MoonPie’s school paraphernalia and my work stuff, and it’s not a pretty picture.

BUT. It could be worse:

Cobb home filled with garbage, insects, used food containers

Cobb County woman spent several hours in jail for having four children in a home filled with garbage, insects and fecal matter.Casey Abigail Robinson, 37, of Acworth was charged with contributing to the deprivation of a minor because of the condition of the home, according to her arrest warrant.

The Mars Hill Road home had broken furniture, insect infestation, food and “used food” containers on the floor, according to police. Dirty dishes were stacked in the kitchen, and an “unknown source fecal matter” was present in the bathroom.

The bathroom next to the children’s bedroom was non-functioning, according to the arrest warrant. The four children in the home range in age from 6 to 13 years old, police said.

The home also had water flooding, mold growth and dirty clothes throughout, police said. The windows were covered in dirt, according to the warrant.

While I agree that non-functioning bathrooms, fecal matter and insect infestations sound gross, who are we to judge a woman for dirty clothes and dirty windows? Maybe she’s a slob, or MAYBE, just maybe she’s a homeschool mom with a JOB, trying to find the time to WRITE, organize her COUPONS, play BRIDGE, and carve out a little time for herself that doesn’t involve cleaning or wiping or cooking for OTHERS.

Now, I think we’ve all learned a little something about tolerance from that post. You’re welcome.

Because I don’t have enough to do…

I started ANOTHER blog. I thought I’d separate my writing posts from my family posts in case an agent stumbled upon this blog and became frightened by my stories of vodka and large butts. You can see it HERE.

It won’t be updated everyday like this one, and will be about my humiliating attempts to make it in the publishing world, vs. my humiliating attempts at everything else. Still, between the two, I should be able to document them all.

You ARE required to visit both – I need the stats. But you are still NOT required to actually read anything I write. Since I only average about 5 comments a week, I suppose we can do without any rules governing those. Two blogs for the price of one – enjoy!

Holy Sunday


1 Praise the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens.
2 Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre,
4 praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute,
5 praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.
6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

Psalms 150: 1-6

How to wake up at 2 a.m. in a flop sweat…

and become intimate with your mother-in-law’s toilet.


Have two glasses of Chatham Artillery Punch, history and recipe below:

“Originated with the Chatham Artillery, Savannah, Ga., and served in that city for more than 100 years. It is delicious, seductive, powerful. This is the punch that knocked out Admiral Schley when he visited Savannah in 1899 after the Spanish War. Admiral Cervera’s Spanish shells were harmless to the brave American admiral, but Artillery Punch scored a direct hit which put him out for two days. Serves 100 (or 10 Admirals)”

1 lb. green tea
2 gallons cold water
3 gallons Catawba wine
1 gallon rum
1 gallon brandy
1 gallon rye whiskey
5 lbs. brown sugar
2 qts. cherries
juice of three dozen oranges
juice of three dozen lemons
1 gallon gin
12 quarts of champagne


Next, make two trips to the table being sure to sample the turkey, dressing, gravy, pork, short ribs, gumbo, deviled eggs, sweet potato casserole, black eye peas, greens, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese and grape salad. Don’t forget to try a slice of Italian cream cake and 42 candied pecans.

Rest for 1 hour, then right before bed think to yourself, “I bet those chocolate covered peanuts would taste good about now.”

Go to bed. Run to the bathroom.

2:15 a.m. – remember one last thing you’re thankful for – that Thanksgiving only comes around once a year.


How do some people DO it?

A couple of aspiring reality-TV stars from Northern Virginia appear to have crashed the White House’s state dinner Tuesday night, penetrating layers of security with no invitation to mingle with the likes of Vice President Biden and White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.


Seriously? I can’t bluff my way into an extra book of coupons from White Water, and these jacklegs get into the White House?  I make a tiny white lie at a yard sale and it bites me in the behind, but these two get up close and personal to hundreds of politicians and policy makers on Capital Hill?

Oh. Ewww. What a pair of losers. Aim higher people, at least the coupon books have free cotton candy. All you got was a gross grab from Joe Biden and hopefully a scrub down from a Hazmat team.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Look what happens when you search a Stock Photo site for Turkey. I’ll be more specific.

Turkey as in “wild game” –


Much better. And now, 25 random things that I’m thankful for (in no particular order) –

1. Great Inlaws

2. A terrific husband

3. My parents are alive and well and awesome

4. Siblings that I like

5. The most beautiful and gracious MoonPie

6. Cousins – those I had growing up, and those MoonPie has now

7. Really good books

8. Bloody Mary’s

9. Memories of a good childhood

10. The smell of horses

11. Beth Moore, John Piper and all those cool people that bring the Bible alive for me

12. Healthy grandparents

13. The feeling of the air in Zollicoffer

14. That I have so much food I have to worry about being FAT

15. I have a job!

16. Bridge

17. My church rocks

18. Being a southerner

19. I never run into any old boyfriends

20. The friends that know me and like me anyway

21. That MoonPie is loved by so many people

22. That Tennessee beat Georgia this year

23. Free photography whenever I need it

24. A life of undeserved grace and blessings

25. That I’m not a turkey

All is right with the world

We made the drive to St. Simons Island today.


It’s the annual pilgrimage for the Thanksgiving festivities. It was long drive full of dog hair, spilled chicken nuggets and perpetual bathroom stops.

Yet. Once here, the craziness all fades away and I’m instantly relaxed with my happiness meter hovering between 9 and 10. I don’t know what it is.


I suspect the weather.

Feel better about your own Thanksgiving outfit

No matter what you wear, you look good in it – IF you are 19 and skinny.  I am neither.  I am way neither. Yet, ever the optimist, I decided to make a quick trip into the store to find something to wear to Thanksgiving dinner at the in-laws. By “store”, I mean the ever-fashionable, oh-so-economically-priced WalMart.

Surprisingly, I found my choices limited. I wasn’t looking for anything special, it only had to meet two criteria. One, it had to be LOOSE enough to hide my stomach, and Two, it had to be LONG enough to hide my butt. After much searching, I found a semi-cute number that I thought might do, all for the low, low price of $9.00.

My husband, took one look at it, and did this:


*Not my real husband. My real husband was crying much harder.

Sigh. So I looked like a tent, big deal. Okay, an OLD tent dressing in canvas way to young for her. How was I to know? It wasn’t like I bought just anything off the rack, I went with a real DESIGNER.


Maybe I should have bought the hat, too. That could have pulled the whole look together for me.

Moron Test Kitchen – Seriously?


What can I say? I had a coupon!


Melt 1/4 cup of butter on low heat. By the way, this is the FIRST time in my life I’ve  made Rice Krispies Treats. I don’t know how you get to be in your late, late, REALLY late twenties without making them, but I somehow managed.


Throw in 1 bag (10.5 oz) of marshmallows. Melt completely and remove from heat.


Add in 6 cups of Rice Krispies cereal. Stir.


Pour into greased pan and mash down with a greased spatula. Here I’ve recruited my mother to help. Notice the skill with which she pours out the mixture.


I learned everything I know about cooking at her knee. I don’t think there would even BE a Moron Test Kitchen without her.

Moron Test Kitchen grade – A. Easy, good, and just like Mom used to make.