Healthy Is as Healthy Does

I had an unexpected surprise this week when an old friend came to spend the night. Kyra and I are a lot  alike, we’re both from the same hometown, we’ve both done triathlons, we’re both girls.

Sure her triathlons are more of the IRONMAN type, (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and a 26.2 mile run) but hey, it’s all swimming, biking and running right? Because I’m the best hostess EVER, I let her sit down for approximately 30 seconds before I began asking her what she eats, what exercises she does, how I can lose 20 pounds in 3 weeks, and if she knows any exercises that don’t require movement.

Kyra not only told me what to eat, she MADE me something to eat.



It was a mixture of almond butter and something called “organic fruit”. I’m not sure what exactly she did, but it was GOOD.

We stayed up late talking about food and exercise and how I really liked one of those and not the other. Then we drank wine and did a few abdominal exercises. Well, I did one and she did the other, but it’s all pretty much a blur.

Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time. I am thrilled to be inspired regarding my fitness especially so close to Christmas.  Maybe I’ll whip up a low-fat healthy Christmas dinner reminiscent of the one Tania-the-Mad did circa 1991.

On second thought, I’m still not over that one. Let’s give it another year or two.

Dear Mom,

Hi. How are you? It’s come to my attention that we have this thing going on. I write an update about my life, you read it and leave me a comment. Write, repeat.

Perhaps we should invite some others to this blog? I mean, if it’s just the two of us, we could just talk on the PHONE. Or maybe YOU should start a blog. Then I can comment on yours on Mon, Wed, and Friday while you take the T, TH, Saturday rotation.

I’ve said before that writing several times a week on this blog has gotten difficult, and I know there’s a lot of pressure on you being the sole commenter. What say we just give it up? I’ll start a group of TWO on Facebook. Each day I’ll make a status update and you can “like” it. That would count, right?

Feel free to leave your thoughts. I believe there will be room.

Your good, blogging, favorite daughter.



I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin

Here are some words I never thought I’d write.  I LOST a rap battle at church. That’s right, like Eminem in the beginning of 8 Mile, I choked during the 2nd round of a rap battle and went DOWN. I’m not sure how I’ll recover, but like the Rap God himself, I’ll try and lose myself in the music next time.

Oh yeah, there will BE a next time. So if you see me over the next few weeks and I tell you that “Your days are numbered, I’m unencumbered, my rhymes are tight, so prepare for a fight”, don’t be alarmed I’m just practicing.

To prepare for the rap battle, I had to listen to a bunch of rap music which is not exactly the best thing to get you in the Christmas mood. Of course, neither is spending a ton of money and shopping constantly. I’m almost done, THANKFULLY, but I’ve still got to wrap everything and pack.

I don’t remember my mom running around like crazy. We got the Sears catalogue, circled 10 or 12 toys, then ran to the tree to get one or two that she had ordered. We also got a lot of fruit and nuts in our stockings. My mother obviously didn’t feel the pressure to over do it.

Moon is pretty easy, she just wants Star Wars stuff. Interestingly enough, that’s ALSO what JD wants. Me, I just want to relax and enjoy the holiday and remember the reason for the season.

It’s about a boy and a manger, Now death’s a stranger, and I’m a lyrical arranger.

You get the idea.


Working from home has it’s high points and when I actually get to stay at home – it’s awesome. This morning started off with impromptu dancing in the kitchen because Baby A had never heard Ice-Ice Baby. I mean, REALLY. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, amiright?

After A went to school, I met Kat at the gym because that’s how I roll. Literally, I ROLL. Kat and I are going to be the change we’re looking for and rock 2015 so we’re walking/running on the treadmill and really testing the gym’s “no judgement” policy. We’ve done two whole days this week and I am this close to breaking my personal record of attendance. The people at the front counter almost recognize me!

Because I have lots of work to do, Moon was nice enough to clean the house. I learned a valuable lesson a few months ago. Instead of saying, “I’ll give you $ to clean the house” I now say “Clean the house and I’ll pay you based on how it looks.” MUCH better results. And that is all I know about parenting.

It would have been a red-letter day except that my mother called with the news that Granny fell and broke a hip. The Worst. She ended up having surgery and seems to be doing fine, but she’s 101 years old, so fine is relative. Say a prayer for her, THEN while you’re at it – say one for RimFire who is having back surgery on Wednesday.

The good news is that if I can score a couple of walkers from work, I’m going to be a big hit this Christmas!



My weekend got a lot more fun when my brother called and asked if he could move in for a few days. Obviously I said NO, but then he said he was bringing Baby A which changed everything. I thought, like I’m sure most of you, that his wife had wised up and thrown him out. But no, they were just asked to vacate the premises because they are sick.

RimFire is having surgery this week and she CAN NOT get sick beforehand. Since none of us are having surgery, we can. So AmmoGuy with his cough, cough, cough and his sweet angel with a runny nose are now firmly planted in our guest bedroom. We tried to convince them to stay hidden away but they wanted out to “eat” and “potty”. Baby A is easy to please, but AmmoGuy has issues. Primarily he wants to sit on the couch and watch Miami Vice. The ORIGINAL one. Because he brought a Honey Baked Ham and I’m sweet I decided he could stay, but mainly that first one.

In other news, we continued our family Christmas tradition of getting together and yelling, also known as The Tyre Christmas Card. It’s getting a little harder to come up with cute Christmas ideas since our elf is now 6 feet tall. But she is a little easier to direct. Her father is still the same old pain.

Sunday we went to church like USUAL. AmmoGuy did not. Something about having to blah, blah, blah. It’s always the ones who need Jesus the most who can’t seem to make it. God will understand. It was probably something very important.


I’m sure a Crockett and Tubbs marathon counts as “important”.





Watching A

I could tell you about all of the reasons I’ve been too busy to write a new blog post, but I’ll just give you one -


Baby A spent the night! We had a lovely time playing Wii Dance, and she said it was the “Best Sleepover EVER”. Of course, she said it at 5 a.m. so I might have heard her wrong.

Later that morning, we drove to school.


Then we took a trip to the mall and visited Build-a-Bear for the first time.


The mall was a bit tiring, so we had to lay down and do mall angels.

a4AmmoGuy said he’d burn those clothes later.

That sounds like a plan. Hey, I’m in charge of fun, not laundry.




Moron Test Kitchen – Pecan Pie

You guys have heard me mention our friends Brat and Kit? Well Kit is out of town so I worked a deal with her husband that I would make him some pecan pies in exchange for some deer meat. I know what you’re thinking – has he ever HAD your cooking? I know, I don’t get it either, but for some reason he swears that my pecan pie is good and Kit swears she can’t make it.

Brat often says he can tell when Kit has been hanging out with me because she gets a certain “attitude”. I’m guessing that’s a compliment. Anyway, it occurred to me as I was making the pie, the super easy pie that anyone can make, that maybe Kit has learned something from me after all.

Zolli Rule Number One: If you don’t know how to do something, don’t learn.

So this recipe is for everyone BUT Kit.


Start with one cup of Karo syrup. I used light but you can use either light or dark.


Add in 3 eggs. These came from my mama’s fresh stash. Not HER eggs, that would be gross. These came from her chickens.


Add in 1 cup of sugar.


And 2 tablespoons of butter, softened.


Add 1 tsp. of vanilla, then mix all of the ingredients thoroughly.


Next, add in 1 – 1.5 cups of pecans. I didn’t chop mine, just threw in the half pieces, and then pour into pie crust. I used the frozen variety.


Spread it around to make it pretty then put in the oven – 350 for 60 – 70 minutes. Two tips: If you’re using frozen crusts like mine, put the cookie sheet in the oven to preheat before putting the pies in. Secondly, the crust tends to get brown first, so we made pie shields out of aluminum foil to prevent that.


The pie LOOKED nice. I didn’t get to taste it but Brat assured me that they were good.


Since I got this text about an hour after he left my house, (did I mention he was home ALONE), I’m going to give this a Moron Test Grade A.

Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!





Losing It

I’ve heard that when you reach your 40′s things start to fall apart, and I’m here to tell you that I am right on schedule. My brain, like, can’t even.  Moon had a friend over and they started playing, “Name that State’s Capital”. About the time that the score was Friend 18, Mom 2, Moon started staring at me with a look that said, “THIS person is in charge? Lord help me!”

It’s not that I don’t know the capitals, it’s just that when they say a state like Florida I start thinking about all of the times I’ve been to Florida, and about Disney and when we’re going to go again, and about the community that my company owns that’s in Florida and what I need to do for them, and by the time I get to Tallahassee I’m two minutes behind. So basically I have too MUCH knowledge.

It’s not just my mind that’s going, my body is making run for it too. My knees? They crackle and pop every time I stand and it takes at least three minutes before I can walk straight. My left shoulder is useless, and my eyesight is GONE. These problems probably wouldn’t be a big deal for you Kittens, but I come from a long line of long living folks. If my knees hurt now, what will it be like when I’m 101?

I’m not sure why my brain and/or body are wearing out. I hardly use them!  It must be JD’s fault. He’s probably putting something odd in my food when he cooks it, or maybe he’s using highly toxic dryer sheets when he does our laundry. I’ll have to look into that as soon as he comes in here and helps me off the couch. And reminds me what I was looking for.


Bad Bets

Somehow I managed to bet a coworker that Tennessee would beat Georgia. I guess I got all caught up in the whole Rocky Top hype that’s been going on over on Facebook. I blame my cousin Ginger. Anyway, this year was not their year and so I was on the hook for lunch. No big deal, there’s a sweet Mexican place around the corner. But NO. Evidently, this was a high stakes bet, which is why I ended up taking a coworker AND his friend to Houston’s. You know, where a sandwich is 16.00 dollars and doesn’t include fries? Thanks Butch Jones, I owe you one.

Normally I wouldn’t mind spending a little extra on a friend, but I made the mistake of sending my husband and daughter to the dentist. JD would be better off at this point to just get a mouth transplant, and Moon needs FOUR baby teeth pulled. She’s hanging on to those like they’re made of gold. We need to get the baby teeth out so that we can get her into braces which is awesome because she needs straight teeth and we can just live off kudzu salad.

Spend the money on dental work doesn’t really scare me; I’ve got a plan!



Next year, we’re going to be AWESOME.

5 Random Things

I don’t have a lot to say tonight, unlike most of the time when I’m just full of awesome things to share. It’s cold and I’m tired and it’s been dark since something like 3:30 p.m, so here’s 5 random things, with hashtags for fun.

1. I spent three hours in a dentist chair today and it was about 2 hours and 55 minutes too long. #crowngotmedown

2. I got out the clothes that I bought for my mom and showed them to JD. He said, “She’s going to kill you.” #mamadrama

3. My Cousin Vinny is on tonight and it’s still the funniest movie evah. #crazyYankeesmarisascranky

4. I have to take a coworker to lunch tomorrow because Tennessee lost to Georgia. #UGAmakesmepay

5. My brother informed me yesterday that he ran Zolligirl through an online program and we rank in the top 300 million of all websites. Coincidentally he’s in the top 300 million of brothers too. #bummerbrohastogo