The Zolligirl Show

I’m sure that you, like me, often think that my life would make a great reality TV show. Why Hollywood hasn’t called is beyond me. This week would have made for riveting television.

First of all, JD and I went to a high-falutin fundraiser Thursday night. We got all dolled up, JD in his sports coat and me in my $69.00 sequined dress from Macy’s. We pulled out ALL the stops. Good thing because as we pulled into the parking lot, a dude in a $250,000 Rolls Royce pulled in too. Obviously, we had found our people. The attendant checked us in and asked if we wanted a paddle for the auction later. Duh, how else would we bid on the 4 tickets to Stella McCartney fashion show in NY including round trip airfare? Estimated value $20,000? Can you put that on five different credit cards?

Normally, fancy shmancy fundraisers might be a little intimidating, but some genius had put a “mixologist” at the entrance and after a couple of visits, I was feeling like a high roller. While I didn’t win a trip to NY, I did eat everything in site, all in the name of helping a charity. I’m a giver.

Saturday night, JD and I went to Mantamy and Gregarious Greg’s house for a Lebanese Mezza. That’s where you sit outside and eat a bunch of really good Lebanese food with exotic names like “Baba Ghanouj” which despite what you might have thought, is NOT an middle-eastern cartoon character. No one arrived in a Rolls Royce, but I did sit across from an author who’d appeared on Fox News, so celebrity!

As we ate, the hosts went around the table and talked about each person, how they met, what they love about them, etc. Then the rest of us would chime in with what WE liked about the person, and on and on. If a television camera crew could have only captured all of the nice things said around the table, especially about ME, we would have had a hit on our hands. I would have watched it about eight times today alone.

Every reality show needs a little drama, which I provided Sunday on the tennis court. I didn’t HAVE to tell my partner we were “pathetic” and should never get on a court again. Or that we should “Fire UP or I was going to hit her so hard she’d still be feeling it next week”. She didn’t HAVE to get heat stroke and almost forfeit the game and we did NOT have to lose. We did it all for the ratings! These shows are totally scripted.

Next week on The Zolligirl show, a trip to the Fox Theater, working at the computer, and more drama on the tennis court. Maybe this weeks script will call for us to win for once.

Job Fail

Looks who’s posting two days in a row! I don’t have anything important to impart, but I thought I’d at least say hello, and oh, by the way, did you see this?

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The Columbian Cyclists just unveiled their new uniform. I’m thinking someone is looking for a new job today. And my company gets mad when I transpose a phone number in an ad. Geesh.

Happy Birthweek To Me

Whoo Hoo, it’s my birthday! Okay, it’s actually a few days past my birthday, but technically it’s still within 7 days, so it’s my birthday WEEK. I’m not really feeling celebratory but what else can I do? You either have a birthday, or die. Doesn’t it seem like there should be a third option? A “stall” year or two?

Whatever. I got up Wednesday morning and decided to do something different on my SPECIAL day, so I went to the gym. There’s something I don’t do every day! Or apparently ever. Yes, JD got us gym memberships for Christmas and Wednesday was the first day I’d been ALL YEAR. I told the girl working the counter that I had been waiting for the New Year’s crowd to taper off. I had my choice of machines, so I guess it worked. I ran/walked a mile, then rode a bike for 2. Not bad for someone who is now older and fatter than old, fat Elvis.

After working out, I came home and showered, then went to CPS for some birthday cake. Thank goodness, otherwise I might have lost a half pound! Later, JD and Moon took me to the High for the Dream Cars exhibit, then we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. As if that wasn’t enough fun, we went to the Apple Store so I could buy a Nike Fuel Band which is something you wear that tells you how many steps you take each day, how many calories you burn, etc. I asked if there was a cheap version that only used double digits, but no such luck.

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Do you see us? We’re right there!

THEN we went to Macy’s and I bought a cocktail dress because I’m fancy and am going to a party next week. Nothing says Happy Birthday like having your daughter fight to zip you into a size OMG party dress.

The party continued on Thursday when me and the Church Ladies met at Keekle’s house for dinner. If I had only thought to record the dinner conversation, I’m pretty sure I would have had a viral video on my hands. Of course, the other ladies would have killed me so I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy my fame very long. Is there anything better than old friends getting together and laughing themselves silly?

I was supposed to play bridge on Friday, but since my partner fell through, I decided to work. Ugh. Are we going to a three day work week or what? What has Obama been doing all this time? The good news is that while I was on the computer “working”, I noticed Miranda Lambert is going to be in concert next month and JD and I decided to go ahead and get tickets.

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This is Moon upon hearing that we got her a ticket, too.

Saturday, I sat around the house and did nothing, which was WONDERFUL. Then JD and I watched the GA/SC game which was not. If watching JD’s team lose in the final few seconds wasn’t bad enough, I had to watch Tennessee get creamed the entire game. I love my Vols, but it was tough to watch our quarterback get sacked over and over again. At least no one expected us to win, so YAY for low expectations.

Because we’re totally holy, we went to church on Sunday, then I played tennis and lost. Again. Maybe I ought to give that whole low expectations a try.

And now I’m all set for a week of WORK. Or not. I’ve been with my company 17 years, and where I’m concerned, they’ve got LOW expectations down to a science.

Injury Time Out

I am in bed and it’s not even 8:00 p.m. Seriously, I could not be happier. For some unholy reason, I agreed to play tennis again. I didn’t realize that I’d be required to take the court on a day like today – when the temperature would get to 90 and the humidity would be 128% – and actually hit the ball. I. almost. died.

I’m not kidding. I couldn’t breathe AND I broke out in chill bumps which everyone knows is a symptom of YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE. My partner was also feeling poorly and for the second time in our long career, we stopped playing and just forfeited because our health is way more important than a game.

Nah, I’m kidding. We kept going. We lost in two, very tight sets, then went inside their fancy country club and ate two, full lunch plates each AND took a chicken wrap to go. Who’s the loser, NOW?

I am so tired and beat that I can’t even tell you about our awesome weekend which included taking Moon to a late movie (100 Foot Journey -good) and having one of our wonderful nieces (Nolan) spend the night. We also had dinner with Brat and Kit, but it’s just too much to go into now so just know we had food ( Margie’s chicken pot pie) and it was yummy.

You’ll just have to live without the details. (I’ll tell you more tomorrow.)

Fun and Games at Casa de Zolli

So while you people are at work and/or school, we’re all nose to the grind stone here at my house. Last week I helped with a writing contest, and one of the folks who put it on asked if everyone involved could send a couple of video clips for a Thank You vide. She said you could use props, pets, etc. but we decided to play it straight because I’m very serious.

The first one was to thank the organizer…

MovieStar

And the second to thank the participants..

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I sent them off but strangely, I haven’t heard anything back. Probably in my spam filter, I should go check.

Entertaining The Masses

I’m amazed at how many people were SURPRISED that my guests had a good time this weekend. Hello? They were at MY house.

KarenK and Gingerbread showed up at midnight on Saturday with 16 year old CodeY in tow. Most of my guests tend to get here before daybreak, but whatever floats your boat. Gingerbread said it rained on them the whole way so she was forced, by law, to drive like a centenarian. Two out of three of us stayed up to greet them, show them where the bedroom was, and leave them standing in the hallway with their bags because, OMG it’s late.

Sunday morning, I got up and went to church because I’m holy and was scheduled to work in the nursery, but mostly that second one. By the time I got home, JD had Moon’s DragonCon costume almost finished, and CodeY was awake, which for a 16 year old was a big deal. The cousins were walking around in the PJ’s because they didn’t have to be at their event until 4 p.m. They were probably also hungover. I base this entirely on the fact that they were out until midnight and we know anyone who stays out that late can be up to no good.

Me and the DragonCon group drove to the perimeter and got on PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION because we’re fearless and also, cheap. The kids had never ridden THE SUBWAY so they thought it was cool and no one mugged us, so that was an extra bonus. Once we got to DragonCon, Moon was thrilled with all of the Star Wars people, and CodeY was happy to see so many gamers and people dressed up like their favorite anime character. Anime is Japanese for “cartoon”, which I totally knew.

CodeY making friends with REAL girls, not cartoons.

CodeY making friends with REAL girls, not cartoons.

Meanwhile, the cousins were living life like a Kardashian in their fancy SUITE at the NASCAR race.

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KarenK high above the unwashed masses.

They had cushioned seats, A/C, a great view and clean bathrooms! So except for that part about the bathroom, they could have saved their money and watched the race from my couch.

We got home from DragonCon at 11 pm, while the crazy cousins didn’t make an appearance until TWO O’CLOCK in the morning. Apparently they were held up by some “traffic”.  And by “traffic” I’m sure they meant “EXCESSIVE DRINKING”. Despite their penchant for trouble, I’m kind of hoping they come back next year.

Someone has to bring CodeY.

 

DragonCon/FamilyCon

I was going to skip posting tonight but after hearing, “Where are the PICTURES?” about twenty times, I thought I better share our adventures at DragonCon.

First, let me just tell you that it was HUGE. There were THOUSANDS of people there, so many, that it was almost impossible to get around. Every hotel lobby was packed, and you had to get to the panel you wanted to see a full hour before it started if you wanted to get a seat.

There were also a whole bunch of half-naked women dressed as Anime characters. My cousin Gingerbread sent her sweet 16 year old boy with us and it presented me with a dilemma. I only have two hands but I wanted to cover his eyes, Moon’s, AND JD’s.

Luckily, Moon was all about Star Wars and they tended to have on clothes. Also a lot of weapons.

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I really don’t know who had the most fun – Moon, Cody, or JD. I know who had the LEAST amount of fun, but that’s a different story.

 

5 Random Things You May or May Not Care To Know

1. DragonCon is this weekend and Moon and JD spent a great part of the day shopping for her outfit. I read on their website that one of the FAQ is whether or not you can get married there. You can’t but nothing says you can’t MEET your future intended, amiright Kittens?

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2. My mother brought two watermelons to my house this weekend, one for me and one for AmmoGuy. AmmoGuy’s EXPLODED during the night and spewed watermelon juice all over their kitchen, down the air vent and into the basement proving that you should not leave your melon out on the counter and that Mom loves me best.

3. I started the morning today by responding to a political Facebook post. Then I had a visit from a nurse who weighed me, took my blood and made me pee in a cup. I’m not sure which was the worst.

4. Yesterday, BabyA came to visit. Out of the blue she said, “I can’t wait to grow up so I can drive.” What kind of car do you want? “An ice-cream truck!” Well, duh.

5. I’m writing and revising and reading a bunch of manuscripts and it’s pretty much going like this:

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Staycation

Nothing says success like taking a vacation to your own lovely living room, amiright? Of course, I’m only taking a vacation from ONE of my jobs. That leaves 2 others and a volunteer gig to keep me occupied in case I was worried about getting bored.

I took the time off so that I could finish book revisions. Yes, it’s STILL not finished. The good news is I believe I have it done. The bad news is IT IS NEVER DONE.  Besides writing and working, I also volunteered to help with a contest where writers submit manuscripts to “mentors”, who choose one, then help them get it ready to submit to agents. I thought about it first, but I wanted to help, so I said yes. It’s been good – there are some fun reads – but I should have read the fine print. Once I choose, then I need to send REJECTION letters to the ones I didn’t pick. How wonderful is that?? This is not going to go well. I have a very tough time rejecting people. If my past history is any indication, I’ll end up dating these books until I can find a way to provoke a fight and have them reject ME.

At the end of the week, two of my favorite people – my cousins Gingerbread and KarenK, are coming for a visit. It will be a lot like when their moms visit me, only with more daiquiris and fewer 5 a.m. wake up calls.

Me, Karen, Ginger, and a spare to post bail.

Me, Karen, Ginger, and a spare to post bail.

Their visit will be the highlight of my staycation. What does THAT tell you about my life?

I kid. The DAIQUIRIS will be the highlight, but you knew that already.