Off the Phone

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This one is full-on her daddy’s girl. After working on the carburetor, she changed into her Star Wars, Dark Side t-shirt. If he hadn’t agreed to play bridge with us on Mondays, I’d have to kill him. It’s the only way to get her to play.

It’s All About Me

Today is day FIFTEEN, which means I’m half way there! I’ve never done a juice/raw diet for this long and I have to say it’s paying off. I’ve actually lost 8 pounds! That’s the good news. The bad news will take considerable longer:

1. I’m kind of irritable. I feel good, and I’m not hungry, but dang I want some sugar. I went to WalMart over the weekend and bought some dates, then came home and inhaled them like they were cupcakes. They did not do the trick and I’m kind of difficult to be around right now.

2. My body is aggravated. I hadn’t had any detox issues until Sunday when my body decided to just say NO MORE. Which was awesome because I was getting ready to take the tennis court. Of course it was hot, and we had to play THREE SETS, and I was starving. I finally broke down and ate the only raw thing available – broccoli. Not the best idea but I managed to get off the court without embarrassing myself. Well, other than the whole playing thing.

3. I’ve discovered my husband is cruel. I’ve been telling people for years that I’m fat because my of HIM and it’s true. I’m losing weight in SPITE of him. Today, he brought home two pounds of shrimp. He and Moon ate fried shrimp IN FRONT OF ME, then he had the nerve to pull out a box of Girl Scouts cookies. Seriously, people have divorced for less!

4. I’m out of ideas. I’m sure that raw food fans know all kinds of tricks for turning raw carrots into a pizza crust but I’m struggling to find things to eat. This morning I had a banana and a spoon full of canned mushrooms. Yesterday I made a “sandwich” by putting guacamole on two pieces of lettuce and wrapping a slice of tomato. No wonder my body is saying “no thanks”.

Oh, well. 15 more days and this will all be over and I’ll be lighter, and that is what’s really important. Plus, with a skinnier body, I’ll be able to find a much NICER husband.

 

 

Marriage Disco

We are now living with an “apparatus”. Moon went to the orthodontist this morning and they put wires  inside her mouth to create “space” which is apparently very expensive real estate. The good news is that she doesn’t seem to be in any discomfort. The bad news is now every piece of food/drink must be examined and discussed at length regarding her ability to eat it. We were told that she should avoid “sticky” foods like caramel and gum, but Moon refuses to be satisfied until she’s debated the stickiness of every single thing. Apparently an “apparatus” does not hinder speech.

The Tyres’ are good at speaking, so good in fact, we’ve been invited to moderate a panel discussion next week on MARRIAGE. We’ve been told that the couples will submit questions in advance for us to ask, but I’m thinking we’ll just shoot from the hip. Or better yet I could did out some of the questions from my old Newlywed Game.

Question: If you could make your spouse smarter or better looking, which would you choose?

I’m pretty sure JD would ask if both were an option.

Maybe this panel discussion will be the start of a whole new phase for JD and me. We can start a marriage blog, write a book, maybe take this show on the road.

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Or maybe not.

 

 

Weekend with the Ladies

I had a fun weekend with Moon, my mom and Tania-the-Mad hanging in Tennessee. We were in town for another Vintage Fashion Show which is where mom takes vintage clothes I found in Atlanta for $3.00, puts them on models, then I buy them for back from her for $30.00 dollars. It could be worse; I could spend what Tania-the-mad does.

TTM brought some friends with her and they were AWESOME because they helped a lot, and gave me gifts, but mainly that last one. I now have tea towels for my kitchen and an Easter wreath for my door. At Christmas, they gave me a basket of washcloths. See what inviting people to your house will do? I’m sure cleaning supplies and bath towels are next.

I had a good time even though everyone involved decided to flaunt their wares in front of me. And by “wares”, I mean FOOD. Here’s a list of things I got to sit around and watch everyone else eat:

Sonic Chicken Strips, Baked Spaghetti, Chocolate Cake, KFC Fried Chicken, Macaroni & Cheese, Mashed Potatoes, Bacon and Chips.

Luckily, I brought my juicer along and had my usual carrot/apple/pear drink which was just as good I’m sure.

Yes, I have made it almost NINE days eating just raw fruits and veggies, and juice. The good news is that I feel great and my brain has adjusted and now thinks an orange is an appropriate snack. I can eat a half of a banana and feel practically full! The bad news is that I have not lost the appropriate amount of weight which I’m sure we can all agree would be 27 pounds. I ought to lose five pounds just for tolerating tonight’s dinner of mustard greens and mushrooms dipped in stir-fry sauce!

Tomorrow marks the 1/3 point. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!

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Just 20 more days to go.

If I die, bury me with a pizza.

 

 

No Comparison

So Spring Break happened. I’ve never been so glad that my daughter isn’t on Facebook as I was this week. Sure, I thought our trip to the Gone With The Wind museum was fun, but I didn’t know how it would compare to the trips that our friends had taken to the beach, Washington DC, or Disney. Right now all Moon knows is that she got out of school which is good enough, but what happens if she starts comparing us to other parents? You know, the ones who do cool things?

I’ve been thinking about comparison a lot lately. Unfortunately for Moon, I AM on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google Plus and every other website in the world and I see kids all of the time that are doing SPECTACULAR things. A few months ago I saw a 14 year old boy giving a speech to a room full of adults. He was so well spoken that I immediately starting thinking, “We need to have more CONVERSATION at our house. Moon needs to take elocution classes!” That’s a real thing, right?

Before I could sign her up for those, I saw three brothers playing in a bluegrass band. The youngest was 10 and I thought, “Moon has got to start practicing the cello more! She’s never going to get a scholarship with ten minutes a day. Good parents would make her play more.”

Before I could get her extra lessons at the music shop, I saw a story about a kid who was an awesome soccer player/chef/singer/writer blah, blah, BLAH. It never ends! When I was young, the only kids that my mom compared me to were my cousins Ginger and Lisa Dawn and lucky for me that were as ridiculous as I was. There was great freedom in not having to live up to some SUPER KID standard.

 

Me and Ginger being equally awesome.

Me and Ginger being equally ordinary.

When did growing up get so serious? I remember when playing was the point. Making the varsity was exciting enough and no one was disappointed that the Olympic Committee wouldn’t be calling. That’s a real thing, right?

I’ve decided to get off the comparison train. No more pressure to be THAT parent with THAT kid. God has a plan for Moon and has instilled her with everything she needs to grow into that promise. I’m sure she’ll do fine, even WITH parents who think going to a museum based on a movie qualifies as a vacation.

Hey, it’s not like Ginger or Lisa Dawn took their kids anywhere special.

The Many Faces of Cute

Since my brother and his wife were busy this week finalizing their move, I stopped by to pick up Baby A and bring her along for a day at the horse barn. While Moon was riding, we went into the break room and found some animals of our own – animal CRACKERS.

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I think she had a good time, but I’m not sure. She hides her feelings so well.

 

 

Vivien Leigh Might Have Been A Juicer

Hello, Kittens, it’s Day TWO of the Juice/Raw fest and things are going well. I woke up this morning feeling energized and not at all hungry, which I’m sure surprised JD considering the way I tore into a tomato last night. What can I say, I’m adaptable. My first juice of the day was a yummy concoction of Carrot, Apple and Pear.

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Delish!

It wasn’t so great that I didn’t drool a bit as I took my daughter through the Chick-fil-a drive thru, but it was good.

We were out and about because Moonpie is on Spring Break and I wanted her to have an exciting day doing something other than watching Clone Wars. Her father has warped her brain and we spent the entire drive playing an updated version of Grease Wars that now includes me pretending to be Danny, Sandy and Rizzo, PLUS Asajj Ventress whoever that is.

I FINALLY got out of the car and we went to something actually cool – the Gone With the Wind Museum. Best. Parent. Ever.

Moon had seen the movie over Thanksgiving and seemed to like it, so I thought it might be fun. Believe it or not, she wasn’t all that into it. But the truth is, all she’s been thinking about the last few days has been the whole Star Wars thing so I think she was surprised to find herself in a car and not a pod racer. The only time she seemed at all impressed was when we saw a dress Vivien Leigh actually wore in the film.

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And that was only because we were astounded that an actual human could fit into it.

Although in a few months, I should be able to wear it. I am traveling with a friend this week and I brought my juicer along cause I’m just that serious. Or delusional. I’m the lady that thought taking her kid to a GWTW museum would be an exciting Spring Break activity, so you decide.

 

Juicy Juicy Juicing Juicefest

Guess what, I’m juicing! That’s right, Monday was Day One of my 1 to 30 day juice (and raw food) fast. If you’re new to this blog, you should know that the chances of me actually completing 30 days of just juice (and raw food) are about 100 to 1. I base this on the 100 other diets I’ve tried and failed. That means this is time is the 1! The goal is between 1 and 30 days or my goal weight, which ever comes first. FYI, my goal weight will probably increase as the days pass.

So, why am I juicing? Because I want to get healthy. And by “healthy”, I mean skinny. I saw a photo the other day of a woman my age and she looked so FIT and so STRONG and, frankly, it pissed me off. Why am I laying around and slowly melting into the couch? I’m ready to get this diet under control and get FIERCE.

Why not some other diet? I’m over trying to figure out my points, and carbs and what has gluten. Juicing feels very simple. If it’s juice, I can have it. If it’s not juice, put it DOWN.

What am I juicing? This morning I juiced what I had:

Breakfast: 4 carrots, 2 apples, 1 clementine and a bunch of broccoli.

I would describe it as “unoffensive”. It did the job and I could get it down without gagging. I was even invited to lunch today at my favorite Mexican restaurant and while everyone else devoured the cheese dip, I asked for a glass of ice and drank my juice. I may only be “that girl” for a few days but I’m going to work it while I can.

This afternoon I went to the store. I could have looked around the internet and found a juice/grocery plan, but I went with the old “Let’s see what they have at Kroger” approach.  I bought what was cheap and scored a few things off the Manager’s Special table.

After work snack: Mustard greens, radish, and pear.

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It was SPICY, but again, not too bad. It takes a lot of mustard greens to make a small amount of juice, so when this bag is gone I’ll try something else.

For dinner I wanted to try something different – a Bloody Mary. I could have used the V8 in the fridge but that seemed like cheating so I made my own:

Dinner: 2 tomatoes, 1 stalk of celery, handful of spinach and a SMALL radish. Also, vodka.

This was my least favorite and a real waste of vodka. Oh well, I’ve got plenty of more days to perfect my recipes.

Or not, depending on how hungry I get.

 

 

My Great Big Head

I don’t know if you noticed, but I changed the look of my blog. The other one didn’t really show my nostrils off to suit me. I will eventually change the header to something less “Lisary” but it’s all I could find at the time, and since it has been photoshopped to death and was from a time I weighed about 30 pounds less, I figured it’d do.

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is my relationship with Jesus. Specifically, how He always shows up JUST in the nick of time. Like when I’m down 2 match points. Yes, yesterday I played tennis with my regular partner Sharon and just like normal, we decided not to practice and instead rely on prayer.

Let me set the stage. My team was tied for first place with the team we were playing. By the time Sharon and I took the court, we’d lost 2 and won 1 and our team needed us to win. Which stunk because the duo we were playing were really good. Especially this one girl, let’s call her Pristine. Pristine took the court with all the confidence in the world and I don’t blame her. She was young, fit and had GREAT ground strokes. Also, a serve. But as annoying as I found all of that, it was her serious attitude that drove me crazy. Guurl, we are NOT at Wimbledon, relax! They took the first set 6-4, but it wasn’t as close as it sounds. The wind was blowing like crazy and I stink anyway, so basically I looked like a out-of-shape chick with two left feet playing drunk. It was really ugly. But the whole time I was praying. It went something like this:

Lord, help me like this girl cause she is on my last nerve. Bless her Lord. Help her Lord see that there is a lot more to life than tennis cause she seems to take it REALLY seriously. Didn’t you say pride goes before a fall? Confound the enemy! Help me hit this point. Help me hit THIS point. Help me hit two points in a row!

You get the idea. The 2nd set went back and forth with Pristine basically killing the ball and us doing our best to keep it to her partner and even though they had TWO MATCH POINTS, we managed to win it in a tie-breaker.

Then the 3rd set began and suddenly Sharon and I could not miss! Pristine would hit it hard and I’d hit it harder. Sharon was slamming balls left and right, and I even ACED Pristine on a serve. It was so out of control that Sharon and I were just giggling on the court. The LORD was with us.

Afterward, I tried to give God the glory by telling Pristine that she was a great player and that we’d been praying the whole time and it was a miracle, but she didn’t seem to care. I’m not going to lie, it felt good to take her down a peg or two. When she took the court initially, her head was almost as big as the one on this blog!

 

 

How Social Media Marketing World Saved My Marriage

When I first told JD about the social media conference put on by Social Media Examiner, he was reluctant to attend. Can we just stop there for a second and think about that? JD, husband and photographer, did not want to A) Go to San Diego, with B) his wife and C) learn about social media marketing which could totally help his business in a bazillion ways. What. The. What!

By calmly explaining all of the advantages of going to the conference and booking the flight and paying for his ticket before he could stop me, I convinced him to go. Here’s some background. Approximately 5 years ago I told my husband to blog. He didn’t. 3 years ago I told him to set up a Facebook page. He didn’t. 2 years ago, I told him to get involved with Twitter. Guess what, he didn’t!  Now I know where my daughter gets it.

Now, after two full days of social media classes, he is a ALL IN with the social media. He’s tweeted more in the last three days than he has the last three years! He’s talking about super-fans, and ROI, and HootSuite.

Here’s JD NETWORKING and enjoying every second of it. (I’m actually in the photo too, but since I’m drinking a Coke with such fervor it calls to mind a dehydrated baboon drinking from the first watering hole he’s seen in weeks, I thought I’d crop myself out of it.)

This conference gave me great hope for my marriage. I kept telling JD, “I TOLD YOU”, “SERIOUSLY, DIDN’T I TELL YOU??” and “I TOLD YOU.” I’m sure he’ll listen now when I TELL him something. And my daughter, too.

If I’m going to dream, I’m going to dream BIG.