Granny Meadows

My grandmother is in the hospital. We’re all hoping it’s temporary and she’ll be home soon, but prayers would be appreciated. The post below was originally written in 2009 on her 96th birthday – back when I did birthday shout-outs, and good blog posts.

 

There’s an important person celebrating their birthdays today. Granny Meadows  turns 96 today. Whoo Hoo! Granny is in Michigan visiting the Yankees in the family. We’re reluctant to let her go on such an important occasion, but otherwise they might come HERE. I’m totally kidding. Well, sort of.  I had chubby cheeks as a child and my Aunt Gay nicknamed me “Pumpkin Puss”. The Michigan cousins used to visit every year and chase me around pretending they were going to eat me. And they talked weird. Okay, to be honest, (and because they’ve been known to read this blog), I liked them alot. They were like exotic, beautiful aliens coming to Zollicoffer and I followed them around constantly. So hopefully they won’t leave Detroit and come hurt me.

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Back to Granny. Wasn’t she pretty? She’s the one on the right. I don’t know who’s on the left since my mother doesn’t label photos. It could be a sister, a cousin, Amelia Earhart . Thank you Mother, for making my blog so VAGUE.

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Granny is a lot like the grannies in movies. She always had something yummy cooking on the stove, and she told the BEST bedtime stories. But my favorite thing was her books. Granny read. A lot. She probably still reads a book a day, all of them romances. She had stacks and stacks of Harlequin Romance books in her utility room. I grew up reading them because of her. Which is a good thing, otherwise, how would I know to dream that one day, I’d grow up to meet an arrogant, but devastatingly handsome man who would completely infuriate me on our first meeting, even though I was immediately drawn to him, and while I resisted the attraction, my wealthy and deceased uncle would insist at the reading of his will that me and Mr. Arrogant marry for a year in order to keep the inheritance and we would fall in love, because deep down, he really was my soul mate?

Granny is that nice lady in the back of church, the one that wears a pretty suit and heels every Sunday, and never has a bad word to say about anybody. The one that leaves her house early so that she can go by and pick up her great-nieces and nephews because their mom doesn’t take them to church. Afterwards she takes them to her house for cookies and kool-aid, knowing it will be the highlight of their week. And later, the ones that grow up to believe in the Lord, look back and know it was because she took the time to care.

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THAT’S my granny. That’s the legacy of someone who lives her life with love and truth and grace. Happy Birthday, Granny Meadows, I LOVE YOU!

Weekend On the Mountain

When I got the news this week that I wasn’t need on the tennis court (ahem, just because I’m 0 for 3 doesn’t mean they had to BENCH me, amiright?) I decided to head to Tennessee and get my hair cut. Yes, I live in Atlanta, but there is no better hairdresser anywhere than my niece-in-law Stephanie. She’s also much cheaper, but that’s beside the point.

We drove up Friday night, but Saturday was when all the action happened. First, my hair. I’m not going to lie- I look GOOD. While she was cutting and coloring my tresses, JD was upstairs with my nephew watching the Tennessee/Georgia game. I don’t really have much to say about that other than Georgia cheats. And I briefly considered divorce from my UGA graduate. The end.

Saturday evening we ate so much that I went to bed at 8 pm! Of course I woke up at 10:00 and lay in bed for hours but EARLY to bed is half of the healthy, wealthy, and wise promise so I’ve got that going for me.

We came home on Sunday and I was able to catch up on all my work. And by “work”, I mean “TV”. The premiers I watched:

Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Once Upon A Time and Revenge.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’d heard that Outlander was good, so I watched the first free episode of that as well. When I tried to watch the second episode, it said I had to BUY it because we don’t subscribe. Somehow, maybe because I accidentally hit the BUY button over and over, I ended up adding Starz to my cable bill. Oh well. I might as well make lemonade out of lemons, amiright Kittens? So I watched another three episodes.

With all of the traveling and TV watching I barely had time to get all of my other things done – like make a flyer for my sister and her husband’s country club golf tournament, send my mom measurements for her fashion show, and give my brother all of the things my parents sent from the mountain. Face it – I’m the cog that keeps this family going.

Maybe this week, I’ll find some time to be the cog that keeps my COMPANY going.

 

 

Blast From The Past

I’ve decided that when I don’t have time to post something new, I’ll reach into the files for some oldies but goodies. Tonight, I didn’t have time to do even THAT. So I went over to my brother’s defunct blog and pulled out one of HIS greatest hits.

From: Lisa B****

To: Community

Subject: Vandal

I’m looking to identify the individual(s) who vandalized the rose at my mailbox. Any information would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

To: Lisa B****

From: Ammo Guy

Subject: RE: Vandal

Lisa,

Could you please be more specific. I have vandalized dozens of mailboxes and roses in the last few weeks. There is no way I can be sure if I was able to vandalize yours without more details.

Was the rose dug up and replanted upside down? That’s a trademark of mine. I don’t do all of them that way, but if your rose is upside down, there’s a very good chance it was me.

Also, was he mailbox damaged in any way? I usually try to at least drill a few holes in the top of them, maybe fill it with concrete, but if I was in a hurry I may have just vandalized the rose. I don’t like to do things halfway, but I might have had several to do that night.

You know what, it might be easiest if you just email me a picture of the rose and mailbox. I will definitely recognize if it’s my doing. I take pride in my vandalizing and can I can always spot my work.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Ammo Guy

PS: Is there a reward for this information?

Hey, it was just laying there, no one was using it!

This Year Thus Far

So the family went to the Fox Theater on Tuesday for the opening performance of Mama Mia. We are CULTURED. Moon wasn’t sure how she felt about going, especially since she had to listen to JD and I sing Dancing Queen the entire drive. But I did catch her laughing a few times and if you know any 12 year olds, that is epic.

Moon is having quite the year. We’re doing a lot of fun things together – here’s a partial list:

  • Camping
  • 1st Concert
  • Riding Segways
  • Trip to Chicago
  • Visit to the High Museum
  • Fox Theater

We also have concert tickets to Miranda Lambert and a trip to Charleston, Nashville and Disney planned.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’m REALLY trying to talk JD into buying us tickets to a UT football game. He’s dragging his feet saying we’re doing enough. I know the real reason. Once Moon experiences life as a UT fan, everything else will fail to compare. And by “everything”, I mean UGA, but you knew that already.

VolsFan

Out with the Old, In with the New

Everyone knows that no matter how successful you are, if you’re not careful, some young upstart will try and take your place. I’m speaking of “blogging”, specifically THIS blog, in case the word successful threw you.

Just because I haven’t blogged as consistently lately, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give the mantle to some newbies. Who wants to read about going to the horse barn and playing Minecraft all day anyway?

I guess the same people that want to read about a girl from Zolligirl.

To see the upstarts blog, click HERE.

 

The Zolligirl Show

I’m sure that you, like me, often think that my life would make a great reality TV show. Why Hollywood hasn’t called is beyond me. This week would have made for riveting television.

First of all, JD and I went to a high-falutin fundraiser Thursday night. We got all dolled up, JD in his sports coat and me in my $69.00 sequined dress from Macy’s. We pulled out ALL the stops. Good thing because as we pulled into the parking lot, a dude in a $250,000 Rolls Royce pulled in too. Obviously, we had found our people. The attendant checked us in and asked if we wanted a paddle for the auction later. Duh, how else would we bid on the 4 tickets to Stella McCartney fashion show in NY including round trip airfare? Estimated value $20,000? Can you put that on five different credit cards?

Normally, fancy shmancy fundraisers might be a little intimidating, but some genius had put a “mixologist” at the entrance and after a couple of visits, I was feeling like a high roller. While I didn’t win a trip to NY, I did eat everything in site, all in the name of helping a charity. I’m a giver.

Saturday night, JD and I went to Mantamy and Gregarious Greg’s house for a Lebanese Mezza. That’s where you sit outside and eat a bunch of really good Lebanese food with exotic names like “Baba Ghanouj” which despite what you might have thought, is NOT an middle-eastern cartoon character. No one arrived in a Rolls Royce, but I did sit across from an author who’d appeared on Fox News, so celebrity!

As we ate, the hosts went around the table and talked about each person, how they met, what they love about them, etc. Then the rest of us would chime in with what WE liked about the person, and on and on. If a television camera crew could have only captured all of the nice things said around the table, especially about ME, we would have had a hit on our hands. I would have watched it about eight times today alone.

Every reality show needs a little drama, which I provided Sunday on the tennis court. I didn’t HAVE to tell my partner we were “pathetic” and should never get on a court again. Or that we should “Fire UP or I was going to hit her so hard she’d still be feeling it next week”. She didn’t HAVE to get heat stroke and almost forfeit the game and we did NOT have to lose. We did it all for the ratings! These shows are totally scripted.

Next week on The Zolligirl show, a trip to the Fox Theater, working at the computer, and more drama on the tennis court. Maybe this weeks script will call for us to win for once.

Job Fail

Looks who’s posting two days in a row! I don’t have anything important to impart, but I thought I’d at least say hello, and oh, by the way, did you see this?

cyclist

 

The Columbian Cyclists just unveiled their new uniform. I’m thinking someone is looking for a new job today. And my company gets mad when I transpose a phone number in an ad. Geesh.

Happy Birthweek To Me

Whoo Hoo, it’s my birthday! Okay, it’s actually a few days past my birthday, but technically it’s still within 7 days, so it’s my birthday WEEK. I’m not really feeling celebratory but what else can I do? You either have a birthday, or die. Doesn’t it seem like there should be a third option? A “stall” year or two?

Whatever. I got up Wednesday morning and decided to do something different on my SPECIAL day, so I went to the gym. There’s something I don’t do every day! Or apparently ever. Yes, JD got us gym memberships for Christmas and Wednesday was the first day I’d been ALL YEAR. I told the girl working the counter that I had been waiting for the New Year’s crowd to taper off. I had my choice of machines, so I guess it worked. I ran/walked a mile, then rode a bike for 2. Not bad for someone who is now older and fatter than old, fat Elvis.

After working out, I came home and showered, then went to CPS for some birthday cake. Thank goodness, otherwise I might have lost a half pound! Later, JD and Moon took me to the High for the Dream Cars exhibit, then we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. As if that wasn’t enough fun, we went to the Apple Store so I could buy a Nike Fuel Band which is something you wear that tells you how many steps you take each day, how many calories you burn, etc. I asked if there was a cheap version that only used double digits, but no such luck.

photojump

 

Do you see us? We’re right there!

THEN we went to Macy’s and I bought a cocktail dress because I’m fancy and am going to a party next week. Nothing says Happy Birthday like having your daughter fight to zip you into a size OMG party dress.

The party continued on Thursday when me and the Church Ladies met at Keekle’s house for dinner. If I had only thought to record the dinner conversation, I’m pretty sure I would have had a viral video on my hands. Of course, the other ladies would have killed me so I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy my fame very long. Is there anything better than old friends getting together and laughing themselves silly?

I was supposed to play bridge on Friday, but since my partner fell through, I decided to work. Ugh. Are we going to a three day work week or what? What has Obama been doing all this time? The good news is that while I was on the computer “working”, I noticed Miranda Lambert is going to be in concert next month and JD and I decided to go ahead and get tickets.

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This is Moon upon hearing that we got her a ticket, too.

Saturday, I sat around the house and did nothing, which was WONDERFUL. Then JD and I watched the GA/SC game which was not. If watching JD’s team lose in the final few seconds wasn’t bad enough, I had to watch Tennessee get creamed the entire game. I love my Vols, but it was tough to watch our quarterback get sacked over and over again. At least no one expected us to win, so YAY for low expectations.

Because we’re totally holy, we went to church on Sunday, then I played tennis and lost. Again. Maybe I ought to give that whole low expectations a try.

And now I’m all set for a week of WORK. Or not. I’ve been with my company 17 years, and where I’m concerned, they’ve got LOW expectations down to a science.

Injury Time Out

I am in bed and it’s not even 8:00 p.m. Seriously, I could not be happier. For some unholy reason, I agreed to play tennis again. I didn’t realize that I’d be required to take the court on a day like today – when the temperature would get to 90 and the humidity would be 128% – and actually hit the ball. I. almost. died.

I’m not kidding. I couldn’t breathe AND I broke out in chill bumps which everyone knows is a symptom of YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE. My partner was also feeling poorly and for the second time in our long career, we stopped playing and just forfeited because our health is way more important than a game.

Nah, I’m kidding. We kept going. We lost in two, very tight sets, then went inside their fancy country club and ate two, full lunch plates each AND took a chicken wrap to go. Who’s the loser, NOW?

I am so tired and beat that I can’t even tell you about our awesome weekend which included taking Moon to a late movie (100 Foot Journey -good) and having one of our wonderful nieces (Nolan) spend the night. We also had dinner with Brat and Kit, but it’s just too much to go into now so just know we had food ( Margie’s chicken pot pie) and it was yummy.

You’ll just have to live without the details. (I’ll tell you more tomorrow.)