Weekend Recap

Remember when weekends were for laying around the house and doing nothing? Those were the days. I was born too late. I want to a 50′s housewife – clean the house, watch some soap operas, grill out on weekends, that must have been the LIFE.

Me, I run around like crazy. First of all, I flew home from Savannah on Friday. I got to the airport at 2:30, home by 4:30, and we were all out the door and in the parking lot of FoxTale Books by 7 p.m. I wanted to see how they handled a book signing since ONE day, I might actually have one there. Unlike my friends who will get to see ME talk about books, we had to listen to Newt and Callista Gingrich. I’ll be honest – they could not have been nicer. Seriously. They chatted nicely, let us take photos with them, and basically acted like regular folk. So there goes all of my diva plans for my own book signing. Bummer.

Saturday, I went to the office and worked until 3, when I realized that we needed to hurry and get ready for the Miranda Lambert concert. Remember the days when you could go to a concert at 8, see ONE opening act, then watch the band you’d come to see and be home by midnight? Not anymore. We got there at 5:30, sat through FOUR opening acts, finally saw Miranda Lambert, and got home at 1 a.m. Moon enjoyed herself immensely, although I had to have a discussion about how drinking and smoking was really just something people SING about, it’s not actually something you DO. Which might have worked if it hadn’t been for the 798 people at the concert smoking and drinking.

Sunday’s excitement came in the form of a tennis match. My partner and I hadn’t won a match all season and when I heard we were playing the number one team, I was less than optimistic. But the Lord was smiling and we actually WON in 2 easy sets. Yay, me. I mean, US.

This was our favorite song of the night. An oldie, but a goodie. Enjoy!

Dental Hyjinks

I don’t have much to talk about tonight, Kittens, and no time to tell it. I’m packing for a work trip and by “packing”, I mean watching my new big-screen TV. Not that I’m in the mood to write anyway. Today, Moon and I went to the dentist. Moon was in and out of the chair quickly, but I needed a full set of x-rays, which took FOREVER. And I’m just going to say it – I think I was upsold. Oh SURE, those silver fillings I got when I was ten need replacing. Or have you just noticed how much you can get for silver, Dr. McToothy?

ALSO, I have read on the internet that the government has a flying bomb the size of a mosquito, so why do those stupid xray things you put in my mouth have to be the size of a business card? Get with the times, people! All I wanted was a cleaning and some of those whitening trays. Did anyone ask you to check the gum to tooth ratio?

In other news, I’m fat. And I went to the nail salon and told the technician to choose the color – something youthful. Which is why I have nails the color of Barney.

Some days it doesn’t pay to leave the house.

 

 

Huge Differences

Sunday was my 18th wedding anniversary. Yay, us! Below is a post I did on our 14th. It’s amazing how much things have changed. Which is not at all.

Something has to give and I think it’s my zipper. I have been dieting for approximately 3,782 days and have lost almost zero pounds. I don’t know what the problem is – I eat whatever I want and do no exercise. What is it going to take?? The other day I was complaining to a friend that I really, REALLY wanted to be skinny.

She: You’re beautiful.

Me: That’s not skinny.

She: You’re not fat.

Me: I notice you didn’t say I was skinny.

She: Who wants to be skinny anyway?

Sigh. I know it’s annoying to hear someone constantly complain about their weight, but it could be worse. I could SHOW you how I look. Then you’d be sorry.

Are you secretly judging me because I’m squishy? Being judgemental is wrong. I know because the other day I saw this lady at a conference and she was wearing the most ridiculous shoes I’ve seen on a real live human being and I was thinking, ‘You clearly can’t be trusted with anything important”. I was wearing very sensible black shoes I’d obtained at a yard sale for a dollar, OBVIOUSLY, a wiser, more respectable choice.

Hers were kinda like this. And don’t be giving me grief and saying they’re cute. They are ridiculous. Of course I would have totally worn them back in the day. Back in the day when I was single.

Today is my wedding anniversary – 14 years. So to recap, I’m a heavy-set, old married woman who wears sensible shoes.

My husband is a lucky man. And by lucky, I mean despondent. Pray for him.

A Day in the Life

THIS would have been a great day to hang out with me. Mainly because you would have been impressed with how awesome I am.

First, I got up at 5 a.m. That’s right, FIVE. And I didn’t waste the time like my mom and Faye do by drinking coffee and watching Fox News. I got up and watched a Louie Giglio video about heaven, because I’m holy. And also Fox doesn’t really get good until 7.

Then, I worked out by doing P90X. That’s right, I worked OUT. On purpose. Sure I almost died but after seeing the video about heaven, it didn’t seem so bad.

Next, I wrote! Yes, I got my computer and did some writing exercises in preparation for a writers conference I’m attending this weekend. I actually wrote something NEW. I could stop right here and we’d all agree this was a pretty good day so far. But wait, it’s not even 9 o’clock!

After I showered, I dressed in real clothes and even put on makeup, then met baby A at the door. She was feeling a bit under the weather, so I got to sit on the couch with her on my lap and snuggle. Perfection.

Alas, she eventually had to leave to go home, so I went out to the office and worked, then headed to the store to buy groceries. It’s like I cloned myself and for once there was enough of me to go around! After putting up the groceries, and having dinner, I folded clothes, put some dirty clothes in the washer, did more writing, and FINALLY sat down to blog.

It felt really good to accomplish so much. I may actually try and repeat some of it tomorrow. Probably just that “sitting on the couch” part, but still.

 

 

A Blast from the Past

As I mentioned, I will be posting some of the more popular blog posts from time to time. This one has to be in the top 5 of all time. From March, 2009

 

Rachel and I went to the park Friday. This is her, just a few days ago.

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We had planned the trip, packed a lunch, and the day went off without a hitch.

Today I had another plan. I’d spend my afternoon cleaning the house, have a quiet dinner with the family, then work on my computer for the rest of the evening. Then Rachel, my sweet darling daughter who was quietly cleaning her room, walked in.

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Rachel decided to cut her own hair! How cool is THAT?

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She had a little trouble with the back.

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And she got a little close on the front.  And the sides.

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But all in all she was happy with the results. As much as I LOVED it, I thought it could use a professional touch, just to even things out.

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Dad was a little sad, but I consoled myself with thoughts of tangle-free mornings and easy shampoos.  Ahhh, children. They make life so much more interesting.

What’s Up Peeps!

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking Monday can take a hike. I could use at least one more day to recuperate from my weekend. Which is odd since I can’t remember a thing I did.

Let’s see, Friday we took a field trip to the gun range because we live in Atlanta, and ZOMBIES. It was especially fun because another one of my church ladies showed up and we shared a lane. Did you know gun ranges have Ladies’ Night? I don’t know how I’ll shoot straight with 2 for 1 margaritas, but I’m game to try!

Saturday I spent all day cleaning my house, watching Tennessee LOSE, and editing. Moon worked on her room as well, which is why I have 3 bags of clothes to take to Goodwill. She’d rather wear the same three things every week than hang a blouse. She’s also decided that she want’s to redo her room.

ahsoka_s_bedroom

You know, like Ahsako Tano’s. So basically, a jail cell. JD has promised to buy/build her a platform, but I’m not sure about the gray on gray color pallet. We’ll see. At least there won’t be a ton of stuff under the bed.

Sunday, we went to church. Afterward, I went to play tennis, and my husband? Well, he decided to go out and upgrade our TV. Yeah, like we don’t watch THAT enough. Even though I’ve been saying NO for years, he took it upon himself to get one anyway. Can you believe a husband would do that? I’m really ticked off. As soon as I finish watching my show, he’s going to get a piece of my mind.

In other news, Granny is home from the hospital. Yay!

Granny Meadows

My grandmother is in the hospital. We’re all hoping it’s temporary and she’ll be home soon, but prayers would be appreciated. The post below was originally written in 2009 on her 96th birthday – back when I did birthday shout-outs, and good blog posts.

 

There’s an important person celebrating their birthdays today. Granny Meadows  turns 96 today. Whoo Hoo! Granny is in Michigan visiting the Yankees in the family. We’re reluctant to let her go on such an important occasion, but otherwise they might come HERE. I’m totally kidding. Well, sort of.  I had chubby cheeks as a child and my Aunt Gay nicknamed me “Pumpkin Puss”. The Michigan cousins used to visit every year and chase me around pretending they were going to eat me. And they talked weird. Okay, to be honest, (and because they’ve been known to read this blog), I liked them alot. They were like exotic, beautiful aliens coming to Zollicoffer and I followed them around constantly. So hopefully they won’t leave Detroit and come hurt me.

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Back to Granny. Wasn’t she pretty? She’s the one on the right. I don’t know who’s on the left since my mother doesn’t label photos. It could be a sister, a cousin, Amelia Earhart . Thank you Mother, for making my blog so VAGUE.

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Granny is a lot like the grannies in movies. She always had something yummy cooking on the stove, and she told the BEST bedtime stories. But my favorite thing was her books. Granny read. A lot. She probably still reads a book a day, all of them romances. She had stacks and stacks of Harlequin Romance books in her utility room. I grew up reading them because of her. Which is a good thing, otherwise, how would I know to dream that one day, I’d grow up to meet an arrogant, but devastatingly handsome man who would completely infuriate me on our first meeting, even though I was immediately drawn to him, and while I resisted the attraction, my wealthy and deceased uncle would insist at the reading of his will that me and Mr. Arrogant marry for a year in order to keep the inheritance and we would fall in love, because deep down, he really was my soul mate?

Granny is that nice lady in the back of church, the one that wears a pretty suit and heels every Sunday, and never has a bad word to say about anybody. The one that leaves her house early so that she can go by and pick up her great-nieces and nephews because their mom doesn’t take them to church. Afterwards she takes them to her house for cookies and kool-aid, knowing it will be the highlight of their week. And later, the ones that grow up to believe in the Lord, look back and know it was because she took the time to care.

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THAT’S my granny. That’s the legacy of someone who lives her life with love and truth and grace. Happy Birthday, Granny Meadows, I LOVE YOU!

Weekend On the Mountain

When I got the news this week that I wasn’t need on the tennis court (ahem, just because I’m 0 for 3 doesn’t mean they had to BENCH me, amiright?) I decided to head to Tennessee and get my hair cut. Yes, I live in Atlanta, but there is no better hairdresser anywhere than my niece-in-law Stephanie. She’s also much cheaper, but that’s beside the point.

We drove up Friday night, but Saturday was when all the action happened. First, my hair. I’m not going to lie- I look GOOD. While she was cutting and coloring my tresses, JD was upstairs with my nephew watching the Tennessee/Georgia game. I don’t really have much to say about that other than Georgia cheats. And I briefly considered divorce from my UGA graduate. The end.

Saturday evening we ate so much that I went to bed at 8 pm! Of course I woke up at 10:00 and lay in bed for hours but EARLY to bed is half of the healthy, wealthy, and wise promise so I’ve got that going for me.

We came home on Sunday and I was able to catch up on all my work. And by “work”, I mean “TV”. The premiers I watched:

Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Once Upon A Time and Revenge.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’d heard that Outlander was good, so I watched the first free episode of that as well. When I tried to watch the second episode, it said I had to BUY it because we don’t subscribe. Somehow, maybe because I accidentally hit the BUY button over and over, I ended up adding Starz to my cable bill. Oh well. I might as well make lemonade out of lemons, amiright Kittens? So I watched another three episodes.

With all of the traveling and TV watching I barely had time to get all of my other things done – like make a flyer for my sister and her husband’s country club golf tournament, send my mom measurements for her fashion show, and give my brother all of the things my parents sent from the mountain. Face it – I’m the cog that keeps this family going.

Maybe this week, I’ll find some time to be the cog that keeps my COMPANY going.

 

 

Blast From The Past

I’ve decided that when I don’t have time to post something new, I’ll reach into the files for some oldies but goodies. Tonight, I didn’t have time to do even THAT. So I went over to my brother’s defunct blog and pulled out one of HIS greatest hits.

From: Lisa B****

To: Community

Subject: Vandal

I’m looking to identify the individual(s) who vandalized the rose at my mailbox. Any information would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

To: Lisa B****

From: Ammo Guy

Subject: RE: Vandal

Lisa,

Could you please be more specific. I have vandalized dozens of mailboxes and roses in the last few weeks. There is no way I can be sure if I was able to vandalize yours without more details.

Was the rose dug up and replanted upside down? That’s a trademark of mine. I don’t do all of them that way, but if your rose is upside down, there’s a very good chance it was me.

Also, was he mailbox damaged in any way? I usually try to at least drill a few holes in the top of them, maybe fill it with concrete, but if I was in a hurry I may have just vandalized the rose. I don’t like to do things halfway, but I might have had several to do that night.

You know what, it might be easiest if you just email me a picture of the rose and mailbox. I will definitely recognize if it’s my doing. I take pride in my vandalizing and can I can always spot my work.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Ammo Guy

PS: Is there a reward for this information?

Hey, it was just laying there, no one was using it!

This Year Thus Far

So the family went to the Fox Theater on Tuesday for the opening performance of Mama Mia. We are CULTURED. Moon wasn’t sure how she felt about going, especially since she had to listen to JD and I sing Dancing Queen the entire drive. But I did catch her laughing a few times and if you know any 12 year olds, that is epic.

Moon is having quite the year. We’re doing a lot of fun things together – here’s a partial list:

  • Camping
  • 1st Concert
  • Riding Segways
  • Trip to Chicago
  • Visit to the High Museum
  • Fox Theater

We also have concert tickets to Miranda Lambert and a trip to Charleston, Nashville and Disney planned.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’m REALLY trying to talk JD into buying us tickets to a UT football game. He’s dragging his feet saying we’re doing enough. I know the real reason. Once Moon experiences life as a UT fan, everything else will fail to compare. And by “everything”, I mean UGA, but you knew that already.

VolsFan